


Let's get married

by NerdTrash2004



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Couple goals, Cute, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Men in love, Wanda and Bucky friendship, eventual wedding, proposal, sorry for the angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-06-09 20:59:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 61,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15276078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdTrash2004/pseuds/NerdTrash2004
Summary: Steve and Bucky's road to their wedding. (i'm awful at summaries)





	1. The Proposal

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! This is gonna be a long story, so you're in for a treat!

Steve fiddled nervously with the edges the sleeves of his button down. Tonight was a big night, or he hoped it would be, if his nerves didn't get the best of him.   
“Stop messing with your sleeves!” Natasha commanded, she slipped the small box into Steve's hand, “It's going to go great!”  
“But what if it doesn't?” Steve sighed, “What if, what if, you know.” She took his hand in hers.  
“You love him, yes?” She stared into his eyes.   
“Yes.” Steve nodded.  
“And he loves you, correct.”  
“Yes.”  
“Then it'll be fine.” She shrugged and dropped his hands, “Now put on your jacket.” Steve slipped into the dark blue jacket, and slipped the small box into his pocket. Natasha straighten his bow tie, and fixed his hair. She turned him toward the mirror.   
“You look great.” She smiled.  
“I can't Nat.” Steve turned from the mirror.   
“Oh no you don't.” She pulled his arm back, “You've been preparing for the longest time you've never been more ready for something.” She clapped her hands together.  
“I just—”  
“Nope, you don't have any worries.” Nat interrupted, “Now go, or else your going to be late.” She pushed him playfully.  
“Ok.” Steve inhaled, “Wish me luck.”  
Steve walked into the restaurant, it was nice. He walked up to the front desk.  
“Do you have a reservation?” a woman asked.  
“Um yes. It's under Steve Rogers.” Steve said.  
“Oh,” The woman smiled, “The other half of your party is here. Follow me.” She motioned for him to follow and led him to a table. Bucky sat at one end. The woman smiled at them, then left. Bucky stood and hugged Steve. Then Steve sat down at the other end of the table.  
“Hey Stevie.” Bucky smiled his smile that melted Steve's heart, “You look amazing.” Steve blushed.   
“Thanks, Nat helped.” He chuckled, “You look, stunning.” He said the last word quieter. He meant it. Bucky wore a white button down, with a baby blue tie. His hair was pulled out of his face, with a few loose strands that fell around his face.   
“Stunning?” Bucky asked shyly. His cheeks red.  
“Yes.” Steve said grinning, “Stunning.” He smiled, and Bucky blushed.   
“This place is nice.” Bucky said looking around the restaurant, his cheeks still tinted pink.  
“Yeah.” Steve said but his eyes were still focused on Bucky. He loved him so much. He wanted to be with him for the rest of his life. He wanted to give him the world. Bucky turned back to face Steve and their eyes locked.   
“Can I get you anything?” A waiter asked. They both snapped out of their trance.  
“Um yeah.” Steve stammered.  
They ordered food and drink. The food was amazing. They talked, and joked and laughed. It was a wonderful evening. If Steve's plan worked, it was going to get better. They walked around town for a while. The New York building glittered with light. They decided to walk through Central Park. Hand in hand, they walked down the lamp lit paths. Walking around New York with Bucky made him nostalgic. It reminded him of being a scrawny kid in the 1940s. How he'd felt when Bucky was sent off to war, how worried he'd been. How he'd wondered what he'd do if he'd lost Bucky. And then he had. That one day. He'd watched his best friend, and secret crush, fall. He'd lost him. Then he'd lost himself. When he'd crashed that plane, he'd done to save his country of course, but also because he wanted to possibly see Bucky again. But then he didn't die. He was brought back. Then he found that Bucky was still alive. How he'd fought to get him back, and now he had him. And he was never gonna let him go. He loved him, he loved him more than anything in the entire world. He reflected on all this while he walked with Bucky.   
“Hey?” Bucky asked, pressing a gentle kiss on Steve's cheek, “You ok?”   
“Yeah!” Steve said smiling, “Sorry, I was just thinking.”  
“Good things I hope.” Bucky said, giving Steve's hand a quick squeeze.  
“Only the best.” Steve returned Bucky's kiss, with one of his own. They walked for a little longer, before the decided to sit on a bench. They sat, holding hands, Bucky's head resting on Steve's shoulder. Their breaths synced, their chests rose and fell together.   
“Hey Buck?” Steve asked timidly.  
“Yeah.” Bucky turned his head so that he locked eyes with Steve.  
“Can I ask you something?” Steve asked.  
“Anything.” Bucky smiled.  
“You know when you told me you'd be with me till the end of the line.” Steve said.  
“Yeah.” Bucky laughed lightly, “I remember, and I meant it.”   
“Ok.” Steve reached into his jacket pocket, and opened the small box, “Will you be with me to the end of the line?” Steve asked, and pulled out the box. In it was a simple silver band. Bucky gasped.   
“Like marry you?” He asked, tears in his eyes. Steve panicked, did Bucky think that the question was too much? Did he not feel the same way?  
“Um, yeah.” Steve grinned shyly, “Unless you think it's like, you know, too mu—” Bucky kissed Steve to shut him up.   
“Is that a yes?” Steve spoke against Bucky's lips. Bucky kissed him again.  
“Yes.” Bucky whispered, “Lets go.” Steve slipped the ring on Bucky's metal hand. Bucky tugged Steve up, and they walked back to the Avengers Tower. When they got to Steve's room, Bucky kissed him again. Their kiss intensified, and Bucky pulled Steve towards his bedroom.  
The next morning, Steve woke up next to his fiancé. Bucky was already sitting up.  
“Morning.” Steve mumbled.  
“Morning.” Bucky said, and kissed Steve's forehead.   
“I'm hungry.” Steve said.  
“Same.” Bucky sighed.  
They got dressed and headed to the central area, in the tower.  
“Whoa!” Tony said, when they walked in, “Barnes is here.”  
“Hey everyone.” Bucky said. Natasha nearly squealed in excitement. Steve just smiled widely at her.  
“When'd you get here?” Sam asked, he was sitting on the couch.  
“Last night.” Bucky said.  
“So shit went down last night.” Tony cracked a smile.  
“Well,” Steve started, “We actually have something to tell you guys.”  
“Oh, spill!” Wanda pipped up, she's been sitting quietly at the counter, eating her breakfast.  
“Yes! Please do!” Natasha said way to enthusiastically.  
“Well.” Steve said, “We are, engaged.” There was dead silence.  
“Oh my god!” Wanda grinned, “Guys! That's awesome!!”  
“Engaged!” Tony exclaimed, “Dude what! That's great, congrats!”   
“AH!” Natasha cried, “You did it Steve!”  
“Nice man.” Sam said smiling  
“So you guys got engaged, then shit went down.” Tony laughed. Steve gave him a distasteful look, before laughing himself. Natasha came up to him and wrapped him a almost rib breaking hug.  
“Haha!” She laughed like a little girl, “I told you that you had nothing to worry about!”  
“Wait she knew about this?” Tony asked.   
“Maybe.” Steve said  
“Man, now I'm hurt.” Tony laughed.  
“Oh shut up.” Steve joked.  
“You guys!” Wanda came up and hugged Steve, then to Bucky's surprise, she hugged him too. He just stood there, like a tree. Steve laughed lightly. Natasha put her arms around the couple. Her smile never wavering for a moment.  
“You guys deserve each other.” She said, more seriously, but with the same delighted smile. Steve smiled and Bucky who smiled back. Natasha dropped her arms, and pushed them together. Bucky placed his flesh hand on Steve's face, and kissed him.


	2. Spreading the Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, welcome back to another lovely charter! I really don't know what else to say.

The next few days mainly just involve Steve and Bucky spreading the news of their engagement. They told the Avengers, of course. And Maria Hill, who nearly fell out her chair with excitement. And of course Nick Fury, who was happy. They told Clint, Thor, and Bruce. Today, they were gonna tell Sharon Carter. She'd agreed to meet up with them at a local cafe. It was small, and very hipstery. They sat at a table by the window.   
“So, how've you guys been?” Sharon asked, sipping her coffee.  
“Pretty great, actually, you?” Steve asked  
“Good.” Sharon put down her mug, “Did you guys wanna talk about something specific?”  
“Well…” Bucky started, and Sharon shot him a cold side eye. The fuck was that about. Bucky knew Sharon liked Steve, did she seem him as a threat. She sipped her coffee again.  
“We’re engaged.” Steve said, and casually sipped his hot chocolate. Sharon choked on her coffee, which made Bucky snicker.  
“What!” She coughed, “Engaged?” Steve couldn't place her emotion.  
“Yep.” Bucky said, and took a sip of his coffee. He realized he probably seemed like a snarky bitch, but he didn't care.   
“I didn't even know you guys were together.” She huffed. Bucky turned to Steve, and gave him a look that clearly said, You didn't tell her? Steve pushed the look aside.  
“Well, we've been together for like three years, that includes the time in the 40s.” Steve said.  
“But— I—” Sharon stumbled over her words, “Can I talk to without, him?” The last word stung Bucky.   
“Uh, sure?” Steve said, Sharon stood and walked outside, Steve gave Bucky's hand a quick squeeze before walking out.  
“What about us?” Sharon demanded.   
“I made it very clear there wasn't an ‘us’ Sharon.” Steve responded calmly.   
“Really?” Sharon asked, she leaned towards Steve desperately, but he just gently pushed her aside.   
“Sharon, I love him, there's nothing more to it.” Steve sighed.   
“Him? You love him?” Sharon scoffed, “He is a monster, a murderer. You can't trust him. He— he could hurt you. He could kill you!”  
“You don't know him.” Steve pushed past her and went back into the cafe, “C’mon Buck. Let's go.” He offered Bucky his hand, and he took it. They quickly paid for their drinks and walked out the cafe. Steve could feel Sharon's eyes on his back. But he didn't care. They turned the corner, and got back in their car.  
“What's her problem?” Bucky asked, a little too harshly, “Sorry that sound mean. So what'd she say?”  
“She thought that there was still something between me and her. I told her there wasn't.” Steve started the car, and stared at the road.   
“Steve?” Bucky said timidly, he placed his metal arm on one of Steve's hands. Steve flinched, “Steve, look at me.” Steve's eyes stayed on the road. “Steve.” Bucky said, more commanding this time. Steve's gaze didn't move. He pulled the steering wheel, driving the car into the street. Bucky didn't move his hand from Steve's hand. Steve's eyes didn't leave the road.  
“Steve, pullover.” Bucky said firmly, but Steve didn't. “Steve, now!” Bucky growled. Steve finally relented, and tugged the wheel to the right, the car stopped in the side of the road. “Stevie… Hey, look at me.” Steve didn't move. Bucky put his hand on Steve's chin, and turned his head. A tear trailed down Steve's face, he wouldn't meet Bucky's eyes.   
“Steve?” Bucky asked, he sounded so worried. Steve still wouldn't meet Bucky's eyes. “Steve please.” His voice was shaking. He sounded so worried. Steve finally lifted his gaze. Bucky's eyes were full of concern. “What is it? Steve, what's wrong. Tell me, please.”  
“The way Sharon spoke to you.” Steve sniffed, “The pure hated in her voice, you deserve to be treated that way. She, she was so rude. She called you a monster and a murderer and she thought that you'd kill me. And— and…” Steve's voice cracked, more tears fell down his face. Bucky's eyes stung too. Seeing Steve like this broke his heart. A single tear traced down his cheek.  
“It's okay.” Bucky whispered, running his fingers through Steve's blonde hair. “It's ok. Come let's go home.” Steve nodded, and pulled the car back into the road. When they got back to Avengers Tower, they got in the elevator. It stopped on the gathering area floor, and Natasha got in the elevator.   
“How'd it go?” She asked. Bucky just shook his head. Steve's had his head hung, and Bucky could see the tears falling off his face. He mouthed later, and Nat nodded. She just hugged Steve. When the elevator opened to her floor she walked out. The next floor was theirs. Steve walked in slowly, and sat on the couch. Bucky jumped over the back of the couch and sat next to Steve. He took Steve into his arms.They sat there for awhile. Just the two of them. Pretty soon Steve fell asleep. His breaths steadied into a soothing rhythm that soon lured Bucky to sleep as well. Bucky woke to the elevator door opening. He turned his head gently so he wouldn't wake Steve. Wanda stood in the doorway. She smiled. Bucky had watched how she acted around Steve. It was clear she saw him as some sort of big brother. Bucky smiled back. Then put a finger to his lips to signal for the silence to remain. She nodded. And sat on the other end of the couch. Steve started to stir.  
“Hey Stevie.” Bucky whispered. “Wanda’s here.” Steve sat up slowly. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and blinked a few times.  
“Hey.” He said tiredly, “Sorry, I’m a hot mess right now.” He chuckled and Wanda smiled.  
“It's cool.” She smiled. She was way to nice Bucky thought. Especially to me. It was true. Ever since meeting Wanda she had been nothing but kind and caring towards him. Her actions surprised Bucky sometimes. He wasn't used to being treated so kindly.   
“What's up?” Steve asked.  
“It's Wednesday.” She said.  
“Oh yeah it is, isn't it.” Steve had completely forgotten.  
“What happens on Wednesday?” Bucky asked curiously.  
“Wanda and I draw stuff together on Wednesday.” Steve said sheepishly. “It's sounds silly but it's fun.” Wanda had a sketch pad in her hands, something Bucky hadn't noticed before. Steve got up and got his from their room. He flipped through it. Bucky caught a glimpse of some drawings. Steve didn't really show Bucky his drawings, so he was curious. His breath caught on the one Steve stopped on. It was one of both of them. Steve's face on the top of the paper, he top of his shield visible. He looked worried, he looked like he was searching for something. The bottom half was Bucky. He looked lost. The image seemed to perfectly capture how they had both felt as they searched for each other. Bucky realized he was crying. He quickly brushed the tears away from his eyes as Steve turned the paper to a blank sheet. Wanda did the same.   
“Oh wait!” Steve said, and got up. He had a record player on the other side of the room. He thumbed through the records until he found one he liked. He placed in on the player, and lowered the needle. Queen started to play from the speakers. Steve smiled and sat back down. Bucky watched as Steve drew the basic outlines of, something. He wasn't sure what it was. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out. It was Natasha.   
Can we talk about what's up? He quickly responded.  
Yeah, I'll be down in a minute.   
“Hey Steve, I’m gonna go to Nat’s for a few minutes k?” Bucky said.  
“Yeah.” Steve mumbled. Bucky kissed his cheek and got in the elevator. The doors re opened as soon as the shut.   
“Hey.” Nat stuck her head out of a doorway.  
“Hey.” Bucky said.  
“Want some water or something?” Nat asked.  
“Nah I'm good.”  
“Ok.” Nat sat on her couch. “Come sit.” Bucky sat next to her.   
“Thanks.” Bucky smiled.  
“So what happened?” She asked. Bucky told her the whole story. Everything from Sharon's tone to Steve's breakdown. “Damn.” Nat said, once he'd finished. “I always thought she was a shady—”   
“Yep we don't need to go into that.” Bucky cut her off. Natasha would've been mad but Bucky flashed her a charming smile. She could see why Steve loved him. His smile, his physique, his manners. Yes, he was a grade A charmer.   
“So Steve didn’t take it well.” She restated.  
“Yeah.” Bucky sighed. “It was a rough drive home.” He tucked a loose piece of hair behind his ear.  
“Hey you called this place home.” Natasha pointed out.  
“I did.” Bucky said, as if just realizing. “Home, for me, has always been where Steve was. When I got away from HYDRA, I never felt like I could settle anywhere in particular. There was always something, or more like someone, missing. I wandered all over Europe, looking for the missing piece. When I finally found Steve again, it was like, like I finally felt complete. He completes me in the most literal way. I remember the first time we kissed again. I felt alive. I remember just collapsing into Steve’s arms, and just crying. For the first time in a long time, I thought someone cares. And now I have more people who care. That’s what I need. Someone to care. Even if it was just one person, like Steve. If one person cared, everything was going to be alright.” His eyes stung. He looked over at Natasha, and the tears that trailed down her face. He let his fall too.  
“You are so incredibly strong.” She said, “And so loved. And I want you to know that I care about you.” They hugged, and cried. The elevator door dinged open. Clint Barton stood in the doorway.  
“Is this a bad time?” He asked.  
“No, no, come in.” Natasha laughed lightly, and brushed away her tears. Bucky did the same, and cleared his throat.  
“Hey.” Bucky smiled.  
“Hey man.” Clint patted him on the shoulder.   
“I’ll leave you guys to chat.” Bucky smiled once more at Natasha, before hopping into the elevator.  
“Miss me?” He asked as the doors opened to Steve’s room.  
“You left?” Wanda joked.  
“Ow.” Bucky laughed. He leaned over Steve to see what he was drawing, but Steve quickly pulled the sketchbook to his chest.  
“Nope.” Steve said as soon as Bucky opened his mouth.  
“Aw c’mon.” Bucky sighed, and flipped over the couch. He landed on the floor with a thud.  
“Mmmm, no.” Steve smiled.  
“Please.” Bucky begged.  
“Nein.” Steve chuckled, and lightly tapped the tip of Bucky’s nose with his index finger.  
“Fine.” Bucky kissed Steve’s forehead. “Does anyone want anything from the kitchen?”  
“Bucky there’s like no food in there.” Steve pointed out matter a factly.  
“Nah.” Bucky said, and opened a cabinet. Steve had been right, there was only a box of granola bars, and a few boxes of crackers. “Anyone want any crackers?”   
“Buck you don’t know how old those crackers are.” Steve said.  
“Fine you win.” Bucky huffed, and closed the cabinet. He walked back over to the couch, and sat next to Wanda.  
“Can I see whatcha drawing?” He asked.  
“Give me a few minutes to finish.” Wanda said, lightly pushing Bucky’s shoulder. He liked being around her. She was one of the only people he didn’t feel so weird around. So he sat quietly and waited. A few minutes past. Wanda made a drum roll sound with her mouth.  
“Tada!” She turned the sketchbook so that the drawing faced Steve and Bucky. It was them. Steve sat on the couch, his sketchbook in his lap, his finger on the tip of Bucky’s nose. They were both smiling. The drawing was one of pure joy, and bliss. Bucky beamed, and wrapped Wanda in a hug. She had to frantically tap his arm so that he didn’t crush her ribs.  
“Wanda!” Steve exclaimed. “That’s so awesome!”  
“Thanks.” She said. “I was inspired by the total adorableness of your relationship.” She giggled lightly.  
“Oh stop.” Steve said.   
“Never!” Wanda giggled. They were all laughing now.

They hangout for hours more. Laughing, joking, and just in general having fun. Wanda was there until it got dark outside.  
“Let's go downstairs to eat.” Bucky said, standing up.  
“Ok.” Steve stood, so did Wanda. They got in the elevator and got out on the gathering floor. They ate dinner with Tony, Natasha and Sam. They talked for several hours, until about midnight. Then everyone tiredly went to their rooms. Once Steve and Bucky were in bed, Bucky decided that they should talk about… earlier.  
“Hey.” He started. “About Sharon. What she did was awful. But thanks for sticking up for me.” Steve turned to face him.  
“I'm always on your side.” He smiled, and kissed Bucky. “Night.”  
“Night.” Bucky rolled over, and quickly drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting, right? I had to give Bucky that little sass moment. And Sharon, well, she's like the one things stopping Stucky from happening so, not exactly my fav. Next chapter coming Tuesday! Peace!


	3. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, back again. Another wonderful chapter. So let's go!

Steve Rogers woke in a panic. He heard screams. A terrible, gut twisting scream. It seemed to be near him. His eyes slowly adjusted, as the adrenaline raced through him. He looked around, and found the screaming coming from Bucky. He lay on his side, gripping his pillow, and the blanket. He screamed as if being tortured. It was a pained scream. So full of pain. Bucky writhed as if trying to escape something. His metal arm flew into Steve's side. He groaned, and lightly shook Bucky's shoulder, whispering his name. Bucky thrashed more frantically with every touch. His eyes still shut. Steve didn't know what to do. Yes, Bucky had had nightmares before, but not like this. The other times there had been no screaming. Sure Steve had gotten punched before, while trying to wake him, but still there had been no screaming. He was clueless about what to do. He tried to shake Bucky again, but as soon as he touched him, he got a metal fist to the side again. That was gonna leave a mark. He decided to try something else. He slowly reached his hand over, and started running his fingers through Bucky long brown hair. Bucky's screams quieted a little, but they were still pretty loud. Steve continued to run his fingers through Bucky's hair, and though he didn't get punched again, Bucky still screamed. Steve decided to try something else. He carefully slid his arms under Bucky and pulled him onto his lap. Steve cradled him like his mom, Sarah, had done to him when he had had a nightmare.He still continued to run his hand through Bucky's hair, while holding him tight. Bucky's metal arm gripped Steve's shirt, his fleshed on was pressed against his stomach. Steve wrapped his other arm around Bucky. He ran his fingers through Bucky's hair, and made quiet shhh sounds until the screams stopped and Bucky fell silent. His breaths steadied, and his hand unclenched. Steve didn't stop though. He continued his actions until he himself fell back to sleep.

The next morning Steve woke up, with Bucky still on his lap. He still slept peacefully. Despite the pain in his legs, Steve didn't move for fear of waking his sleeping fiancé. He sat there until he couldn't take it anymore. He gently kissed Bucky's forehead.  
“Hey Buck.” He whispered softly. Bucky's eyes fluttered open. He lifted his head, clearly confused.  
“How…?” He mumbled.  
“You had a nightmare?” Steve asked.  
“How'd you know?” Bucky said, clearly even more confused now.  
“You were screaming.” Steve said lightly. It took Bucky a moment to process what Steve had said.  
“Like in my sleep?... God Steve. I'm sorry.” Bucky said shamefully.  
“S’okay.” Steve reassured him.  
“But it's not.” Bucky said, sliding off Steve's lap. “I can't keep causing you to lose sleep Steve.”  
“Bucky. I'm telling you. It's ok.” Steve said, he pulled Bucky closer, and kissed him. “But my were killing me.” Steve smiled. Bucky huffed.  
“Your too sweet, punk.” Bucky said lovingly, and brushed his nose against Steve's.   
“Are you gonna kiss me? Or just stand there?” Steve asked, smiling.  
“Give me a minute.” Bucky scoffed, before kissing Steve. He pulled back. “I'm hungry.”  
“You want a some expired crackers?” Steve asked. Bucky pushed him out of the bed playfully.  
“Shut up!” He laughed. He stood over Steve, who lay on the floor. He sat, straddling Steve's waist, and pushed his fingers into Steve's sides. He immediately started laughing. He tickled him like he had when they were kids. He wiggled his fingers, and Steve writhed in laughter. Until Bucky dug his fingers in the same spot where he punched him. Steve cried out in pain, and Bucky immediately stopped.  
“Steve?” He asked, his voice full of worry. “What's wrong?”  
“Last night, you kind punched me.” Steve groaned, clutching his side.  
“Oh shit!” Bucky cursed. “I'm so sorry. He let me see.” Bucky carefully lifted Steve's shirt, and revealed a nasty bruise. He sucked in air through his teeth.  
“Is it really that bad?” Steve chuckled lightly.   
“I'm really sorry Stevie.” Bucky said. He lightly kissed Steve before climbing off him. He stretched out his hand, and Steve took it, he let Bucky pull him up. They both quickly changed, before getting in the elevator.   
“Wait does this mean, I'm a good puncher even in my sleep?” Bucky asked.  
“Oh shut up!” Steve said, playfully pushing him. They got to the main gathering room, and were greeted by the smell of pancakes.  
“Who's cookin?” Bucky asked.   
“Me!” Sam called from the kitchen. “You want extra poison in yours Barnes?”  
“Oh yeah!” Bucky called back.   
“Who the hell was screaming last night?” Natasha demanded.  
“Someone was screaming?” Tony asked.  
“Yeah what?” Sam asked.   
“Yeah, I heard it too.” Wanda said. Bucky blushed, and sheepishly raised his hand.   
“Sorry.” He said softly. “Had a nightmare.”  
“And I've got bruises to prove it.” Steve sighed.   
“Oh shit.” Nat said. “Sorry man.”  
“It's cool.” Bucky sighed. “I'm sorry if I woke you up. Honestly, I didn't know that it happened till this morning.”  
“So I'm assuming Steve quieted you?” Tony asked. He was too noisy sometimes.  
“Yeah.” Steve said.  
“Add that to the list of how to know if your boyfriends a keeper.” Wanda said. “Number 237: He helps ya out when you have night terrors.” Bucky laughed.   
“You know what Wanda.” He said still smiling. He ran over to her, and picked her up. He slung her over his shoulder. She laughed and screamed playfully for him to put her down. He finally dropped her on the couch. They both laughed. Steve smiled brightly.   
“Pancakes are done!” Sam called from the kitchen. Everyone flocked to the kitchen. They all grabbed plates, except Wanda, who used her powers to levitate the plate and a few pancakes over to her.  
“That's totally cheating.” Bucky said.  
“Not really.” Wanda said, her mouth full of pancake.   
“Yeah really.”Bucky scoffed, grabbing some pancakes.   
“Whatever.” Wanda sighed. They all sat at the counter, eating.   
“Sam this is really good!” Steve mumbled.   
“Thanks.” Sam smiled.  
“Yeah man.” Bucky said, then pretended to choke on his pancakes, then laughed. “I think you forgot the poison though.” Sam laughed. They sat and chatted about news topics and stories, like one big family. Bucky started to realize that this is his family. They care about him, and he cares about them. He felt like he had a home with them. And he was eternally grateful. He didn't realize he was smiling until Tony pointed it out.  
“You happy, Barnes?” Tony asked smirking. Everyone was staring at him now. He could feel his cheeks getting hot.  
“Nein, I mean no. I mean like yeah I'm happy but— ugh!” He said frustrated.  
“Did you just respond with nine?” Tony asked.  
“Speaking German and Russian are like second nature to me.” Bucky shrugged.   
“Interesting.” Tony said, and cocked his head as if trying to get a better look at him. Everyone started laughing.

Later that day, Steve and Bucky were sitting in their room, looking through the steps of wedding planning. Well more like Steve was looking at the steps and Bucky laying upside down talking about, random stuff.   
“So I was like that's waaaaaay to much for milk,” Bucky complained. “And the clerk was like sorry sir that's the way it is. So I paid the absurd amount of money for the milk, but I still think it's ridiculous.”   
“Mhm.” Steve murmured.  
“You're not even paying attention!” Bucky said frustrated.   
“I'm sorry Buck.” Steve said, rubbing his face. He leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. “What do you wanna do? Come on, let's do something fun.” Bucky giggled, and fell off the couch.  
“Umm, let's see.” He said laying on the floor. “I wanna go get ice cream!” He said ‘ice cream’ with more enthusiasm.   
“Ice cream?” Steve asked.  
“Yes ice cream!” He said like a little child.   
“Ok.” Steve stood up. “Let's go get ice cream.”  
“Yay!” Bucky giggled.

They went to the ice cream parlor around the corner. Bucky got his regular chocolate ice cream, and Steve got mint chip. They sat outside of the parlor and ate their ice cream. Bucky swung his legs back and forth. Steve lightly tapped his foot.   
“This is good.” Bucky mumbled.  
“Yeah.” Steve nodded   
“Hey Stevie?” Bucky asked.  
“I love it when you call me Stevie.” Steve blushed.  
“I love calling you Stevie.” Bucky smirked. He kissed Steve's cheek.  
“But did you want to tell me something?” Steve asked.  
“I'm sorry.” Bucky sighed.  
“Why? for what?” Steve asked, confused.  
“Being so damn hot.” Bucky laughed.  
“Shut up and finish your ice cream.” Steve laughed.   
“K, Stevie.” Bucky smirked, and kissed Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek. Bucky's been through some rough stuff. Steve's a good fiancé. He's a good man. See you.... friday!


	4. The planing kinda starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I know I said Friday, but I couldn't even wait. I've been obsessed with watching Sherlock, but that's irrelevant. So yeah, here's the next chapter!

“Hey Buck?” Steve called from the living room. He was looking on his computer. It had been about a week since Bucky's nightmare screaming incident. Bucky had been sleeping okay, with the usual nightmare, the memories haunting him. Steve usually woke up with Bucky clinging to him. But he didn't mind.  
“Yeah?” Bucky called from some other room.  
“Can you come here?” Steve asked.  
“Not really…” Bucky called back.  
“Why?”  
“I just got out the shower.”  
“Buuuuck.”  
“Steeeeve.”  
“Buck come here.”  
“I can't. I'm not wearing clothes give me a minute ok?”  
“Fine.” Steve huffed, and went back to looking at his computer.  
“What's up?” Bucky asked. He was wearing a pair of shorts, no shirt and was drying his hair with a towel.  
“What do you think about this one?” Steve asked pointing to the screen. He looked up at Bucky. “Damn Buck. When I trying to focus can you like maybe where a shirt?” Bucky cocked his head, his left eyebrow raised.  
“You get distracted when I don't where a shirt?” Bucky asked. He came up behind Steve, and ran his hand over his shoulders and down his chest.  
“Buck.” Steve said somewhere between a moan and a sigh.  
“What?” Bucky whispered, the kissed Steve's neck gently.  
“Come on.” Steve groaned. “I'm trying to find a place to go to at least for a consult.”  
“Can't we do that later?” Bucky sighed, and kissed Steve's neck again.  
“Buck.” Steve pleaded.  
“Steve.” Bucky said, and rolled over the couch, so he lay on top of Steve. He kissed Steve gently. Their kiss slowly became more intense. Bucky slid his hands under Steve's shirt he gently pulled it off, and that's when the elevator opened.  
“Guys?” Nat’s voice. Bucky sat up.  
“Hey Nat.” He smiled.  
“Hey.” She said. “Where's your shirt? And where's Steve?”  
“Here.” Steve said, raising his hand.  
“Oh shit.” Nat said, and covered her eyes. “Did I walk in on something?”  
“Not really?” Steve mumbled, and sat up.  
“You're both not wearing shirts?” Nat groaned.  
“Get over it.” Bucky sighed, and got off Steve.  
“What's up Nat?” Steve asked, he stood and stretched.  
“Uh, Sharon Carters here.” Nat groaned.  
“Fuuuck.” Bucky sighed. “Why?”  
“I'm not so sure.” Nat shrugged. “She told me, well more like barked at me, that she needed to talk to Barnes. She's a real nasty piece of work.” Bucky tensed, and Steve gripped his hand.  
“Really.” Bucky groaned. “Me? Why me? She doesn't like me. I don't like her. I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to be anywhere near her.”  
“Yeah I know. But she seemed, I don't know, really demanding.” Nat said.  
“Fiiine!” Bucky sighed, and got up. “Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. But I am NOT putting a shirt on.”  
“Why?” Nat asked, her eyebrow cocked.  
“Because I don't feel like it.” Bucky whined.  
“Whatever.” Steve sighed. “Just go talk to her. Please Buck. See what she wants.” Steve put a hand on Bucky's shoulder.  
“Ok.” Bucky said, and got in the elevator. “Where is she?”  
“The first floor.” Nat said, and the elevator door closed. Nat turned to Steve.“She's gonna rip his head off.”  
“Yep.” Steve nodded. “Or at least try to.”  
“True.” Nat shrugged. She walked over to the couch. “Whatcha looking at?”  
“Places that marry men.” Steve said laughing.  
“So whatcha got so far?” Nat asked.  
“Um one place here in Manhattan, and then one in Brooklyn.” Steve said. “I’d love to get married in Brooklyn.” Steve sighed, and grinned like a little girl, as he fell back onto the couch.  
“Then call them.” Nat said.  
“I gotta wait for, Buck.” Steve said.  
“True.” Nat nodded. “Only if Sharon doesn't kill him though.”  
“Stop.” Steve groaned. “It'll be ok.”  
“I sure hope so.”

The elevator door opened, and Sharon Carter turned and glared at Bucky.  
“Well if it isn't the devil herself.” Bucky said, with false enthusiasm. “Am I in Hell? Or did you just wanna talk?” He sounded so cheerful that Sharon took a moment to respond.  
“Leave Steve alone.” Sharon growled. “He doesn't want you. You're a monster. You're a murderer. You've killed so many people. You're horrible. Those were all innocent people. You. Killed. Them. They're dead. Gone. People have lost family members. Family, Barnes! Family! Does that word mean nothing to you! Nothing! Do you even love Steve? Do you? Do—”  
“I mean I think I do?” Bucky said nonchalantly.  
“You think this is a game?” Sharon asked.  
“I mean like, the devil comes to visit me? It's either I’m in hell or this is a game. Right? And I'm pretty sure I am not in hell.” Bucky shrugged.  
“You really are that ignorant? or do you just play dumb?” Sharon asked. “What does Steve see in you?”  
“Clearly something that he doesn't see in you.” Bucky remarked.  
“A— uh—” Sharon choked. “He must be blind then. I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.”  
“You're so full of yourself.” Bucky laughed.  
“And you not?”  
“Not really.”  
“You're a murderer.”  
“And you're a bitch.” Bucky shrugged.  
“How dare you!” Sharon scoffed.  
“How dare me what?” Bucky said with false confusion.  
“How dare you insult me.” Sharon snarled. “How dare you trick Steve. How dare you lie to him. You're still going back to HYDRA aren't you. You're still working for them. They still send you to kill people. You're still the same monster. A murderer. Do they still torture you don't them. The pain. The horrors. You hide it from Steve don't you. You don't love him. You're just waiting to kill him.”  
“SHUT THE HELL UP!” Bucky screamed. “STOP! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. ALL THOSE YEARS, A SLAVE OF HYDRA’S. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE CONSTANTLY TORTURED? CONSTANTLY IN PAIN? CONSTANTLY FORGETTING? YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND SHIT! NOW GOODBYE!” He turned and got back in the elevator.  
“I— I won't let this wedding go through.” Sharon hollered. Bucky just flipped her off.  
“See you in hell, bi—” The elevator door closed. Bucky sighed, his breath quivering. A tear trailed down his face. He brushed it away, but more tears fell. The doors reopened on their floor.  
“How'd it go?” Steve asked, then turned around. “What's wrong?” Bucky came and sat next to Steve. He put his head on Steve's shoulder. Steve wrapped his arms around him.  
“She's a bitch.” Bucky sighed. “She's really awful. I told her to kiss my ass, and I'd see her in hell, basically. But enough about that she devil. What place were you looking at?”  
“Um.” Steve said, reopening his computer. “One place in Manhattan, and one place in Brooklyn.”  
“Oh the one in Brooklyn!” Bucky said, delighted. “I’d love to get married in Brooklyn!”  
“Then we’ll call for a consult.” Steve kissed Bucky's cheek.  
“Hooray.” Nat said, from the other part of the room.They both completely forgot Nat was there. “Sorry, I'll go.” She grinned and left.  
“Should we call now, or later?” Bucky asked.  
“We'll call later.” Steve said, and kissed Bucky. Their kiss was long and tender.  
“I thought we were focusing.” Bucky asked. Steve laughed lightly against his lips.  
“You wanna focus?” Steve asked.  
“Maybe we should.” Bucky said, more seriously.  
“Is everything ok?’ Steve asked.  
“It should be, shouldn’t it?”  
“Buck…?”  
“Shouldn’t it?”  
“Buck, what do you mean?”  
“What do I mean?”  
“Buck stop.”  
“Why everything’s just dandy, the best it’s ever been!”  
“Bucky, stop, please.”  
“Why?”  
“You’re scaring me!”  
“Scaring you? You’re afraid of, of me?” Bucky’s face fell. Bucky reached out to Steve, but he tensed. “God, is Sharon getting to you? Do you actually think, in a right state of mind, that I would, would hurt you?” Bucky’s eyes stung.  
“When you go off like that— it scares me a little, yeah.” Steve swallowed, hard. Bucky just got up, shaking his head.  
“You really think I would hurt you?” Bucky said, his voice quavering.  
“No, I don't think that you would hurt me. it's just when you get like that, you have this look in your eye. This crazy sorta look, it's a little scary Buck.” Steve responded calmly.  
“I— I'm sorry Stevie.” Bucky stammered. “It's just Sharon makes me so angry. She reminds me of what the people at HYDRA did. She— she brings back the horrors. The pain, it brings me back.” He sat back on the couch. He buried his head in his hands, and cried. Steve put his arms around him.  
“It's ok.” He whispered. “It's ok, she's not here. They're not here. I won't let them get you. They'll never hurt you again. Never. I won't let them hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you. I've got you. It's ok. I've got you.” Steve kissed the top of Bucky's head. He let him cry. Steve felt his shirt grow wet, but he ignored the discomfort. He ran his fingers slowly through Bucky's hair.  
“We should get married in April.” Bucky mumbled.  
“I was thinking the same thing.” Steve chuckled.  
“Really?” Bucky asked, sniffing.  
“Yeah.” Steve said.  
“When in April.” Bucky asked.  
“I was thinking April 4th.” Steve smiled.  
“April 4th.” Bucky said, thinking it over. “I like that idea.”  
“Then we'll call tomorrow so we can meet with the people who do— wedding stuff.” Steve laughed, and Bucky laughed too.  
“Yeah, we can call tomorrow.” Bucky said, still laughing. He gently kissed Steve. “Tomorrow sounds great.” He kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Sharon came back. I'm sorry. Buuuuuuuut someone's gotta muck things up. Bucky told her off though. Even though she's probably comin back. Eek. Well see you guys on Saturday. Peace! p.s. I have no idea what goes into wedding planning so bare with me please.


	5. The Best Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know this is later then I usually post but I was busy. Here's a lil trivia for ya. Steve and Bucky wanna get married on April 4th, but that's not just a random date. It's linked to the Marvel Universe. I wanna see if anyone knows!

Steve picked up his phone. It was early, and Bucky was out. They had called about a consultation, and they had scheduled it for next week. Steve sent a quick text, to Tony.  
Steve: U busy?  
Tony: No  
Steve: perfect, i'm coming up.  
Tony: K.  
Steve got into the elevator. He pressed the button for Tony's floor. The door reopened at Tony's floor.  
“Tony?” Steve called, stepping out the elevator.  
“Yah!” Tony said, from another room. He walked into the room, carrying a box of metal pieces. “What's up?” Tony asked, dropping the box.  
“Can I ask you something, kinda important?” Steve asked nervously.  
“Yeah.” Tony said, sitting at a counter. “Come sit.”  
“Thanks.” Steve said, sitting. “Tony, you know you're like my best friend. And I was wondering if you would be, my best man. For the wedding.” There was a dead silence, as Tony stared at Steve, confused.  
“Really?” Tony asked.  
“Yeah. Really.” Steve smiled.  
“Of course!” Tony returned his smile. “How could I say no!”  
“Really!” Steve said excitedly.  
“Of course, old man.” Tony teased. “It would be an honor.”   
“Thank you.” Steve hugged Tony, to his surprise. It took Tony a second, but he returned Steve's hug.  
“Ok.” Tony gasped. “You're suffocating me.”  
“Oh sorry.” Steve said, and he pulled away. “Thanks Tony.”  
“Are you crying?” Tony asked.  
“Shut up.” Steve said, wiping his eyes.  
“You are crying!”  
“Stop it.”  
“You're such a softy.”  
“Whatever.”  
“You need a tissue?”  
“...yeah.”  
“Here.” Tony handed Steve a tissue. Steve wiped his nose.  
“Thanks.” Steve sniffed.  
“You're welcome.” Tony said. “I better start thinking about what to say.” Tony laughed.  
“I'll leave you to it.” Steve said, and got up.  
“Okay.” Tony waved. Steve got into the elevator.

“You want me to do what?” Sam exclaimed. They were sitting in Sam's room.   
“I want you to be my best man.” Bucky repeated himself for the third time now.  
“Are you high?” Sam asked.  
“No.” Bucky responded.  
“Drunk?” Sam asked.  
“No.”  
“Were you drugged?”  
“Isn't that the same thing as being high?”  
“No.”  
“Well then, not to my knowledge.”  
“So you want me, to be your best man, for your wedding?”  
“Yes!” Bucky said. “That is exactly what I want.”  
“But why me?” Sam asked.  
“Because you're my friend.” Bucky said. “And I think you care about me. I could also be wrong, but you're like my best friend and I want you to be my best man.” Sam just sat there, staring at him, like he was insane. Bucky thought he was going a little insane. But besides Steve, Sam was the only guy he considered his best friend. He wanted him to be his best man. He knew he wanted him to be, He was 100% certain.  
“I'll do it.” Sam said.  
“You sound like you're accepting a mission.” Bucky laughed.  
“I am.” Sam smiled.  
“Kinda.” Bucky said. “But you're serious?”  
“Of course I'm serious.” Sam said. “I would be honored.”  
“I would hope so.” Bucky lightly punched Sam's arm. “Thank you, Sam.”  
“Of course man.” Sam smiled.

The elevator door opened. Steve, who'd sat on the couch, turned his head.  
“Hey Buck!” He said.  
“Hey.” Bucky smiled. He sat next to Steve, and kissed him, passionately.  
“Well you're happy.” Steve mumbled.  
“Yep.” Bucky responded quickly, and kissed Steve again.  
“Hello?” A voice came from the elevator. “Oh god, sorry, is this a bad time?”   
“Maybe.” Bucky mumbled. “What do you want Nat.”  
“How'd you know it was me?” Nat asked.  
“You're voice.” Bucky huffed. “Duh.”  
“Why do I always walk in on you guys.” Nat shrugged. “You know.”  
“You mean like this?” Bucky asked, and kissed Steve again.  
“Oh god stop.” Nat groaned.  
“Mm.” Bucky mumbled.  
“What's up Nat?” Steve asked, pulling back from Bucky, but still not looking at Nat.  
“It's Wanda.” Nat sighed. “She's having an— episode.”  
“Oh god.” Steve stood up. “What happened?”  
“She got angry and kinda just, lost it.” Nat said. “She's refused to talk to anyone. I was hoping that she would maybe talk to you.”  
“I'll try.” Steve said. “C’mon Buck. She might talk to you too.”  
“K.” Bucky got up. They all got into the elevator and went to Wanda's room.  
“Where is she?” Steve asked, as the elevator door opened.  
“Her room.” Nat said. Steve walked through the living area, to the only closed door.  
“Wanda?” Steve asked, lightly knocking on the door. “It's me, Steve.”   
“Go away please.” Wanda said crying. “I don't want to hurt you.”  
“Wanda, plea—”  
“GO AWAY!” Wanda yelled. Steve walked back over to Nat and Bucky.  
“I can't get through to her.” Steve sighed.  
“I'll try.” Bucky said.  
“I don't know Buck.” Steve said.  
“I understand what she's feeling.” Bucky said. “Losing your temper. The fear you'll hurt someone who you love. Just wanting to isolate yourself. I understand that. I've been through that. Let me try.”  
“Ok.” Steve sound not sure. Bucky walked to Wanda’s closed door.  
“Wanda, will you let me in please?” Bucky asked.  
“Bucky?” Wanda asked.  
“Yeah. It's me.” Bucky said. “Can I come in?”  
“I don't want to hurt you.” Wanda said.  
“You won't.” Bucky sighed. “And if you do, I'll be ok. I understand how you're feeling. Please let me in.” There was a moment of silence. Then Wanda’ door opened. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her cheeks were wet with tears.  
“I lost it.” Wanda sobbed. “I don't want to hurt people because I can't control my temper.”  
“I know.” Bucky said, he wrapped his arms around her. “I know, how you feel. Trust me, I know.” He held her, gently rubbing her back. Letting her cry into his shoulder. He stood there, comforting her for a while. When she pulled away her eyes were red, and Bucky's shirt was soaked. They walked back to Steve and Nat.  
“Oh sweetie.” Nat sighed, and hugged Wanda.   
“I'm better now.” Wanda said. “Thank you.” Wanda said to Bucky, then hugged him again. Steve looked at him in awe.  
“I'll always be there to help.” Bucky said, brushing a tear away from Wanda’s face. “I promise.”  
“Thank you.” Wanda sniffed. Bucky hugged her again.

A few hours later, Bucky and Steve both sat in bed.   
“That was really kind, what you did for Wanda.” Steve said.  
“I couldn't let her be upset. When I see someone struggling like I did, well like I do, I can't just sit by and watch them struggle. Watching someone I care about struggle like that is worse. I couldn't let Wanda struggle.” Bucky's voice cracked slightly. “The pain she was in. I've felt that pain. I know how much it hurts. I can't let other people bare that pain alone, I can't.” A tear trailed down his face.  
“Buck, you are a wonderful person, with a the kindest heart.” Steve said. “Anyone who meets you is so lucky to know you. And I love you so much.” Steve kissed Bucky.  
“I love you too.” Bucky whispered against Steve's lips, then kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would ya look at that! Another chapter over. Steve and Bucky both got their best mans, and Buck continued to be the amazing wonderful person he is. I'll be posting on Tuesday. See ya then!


	6. The Fight For Liberty Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter gets personal. I like to write about how I feel, or life experience, or things like that. This chapter relates a lot to that. This chapter was getting to long so imma have to split it into two parts. Hope you like it!

Bucky sat up in bed. He'd been shaken awake by something. He felt he shake again, it was the mattress. He looked over at Steve. He was pale, his fists were clenched, clutching his pillow, he was sweating, he looked as if he was in pain. He shook again, and the whole mattress shook.  
“Steve?” Bucky asked softly. Steve shot awake, panting. He looked panicked, and scared. “I'm here, hey look at me.” Steve looked at Bucky, with a wild look in his eyes.  
“Buck.” Steve cried, and buried his face in Bucky's chest. “I thought I'd lost you.”  
“I'm right here Stevie.” Bucky cooed. “I always will be here.” Steve took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. Bucky light rubbed his back, helping him calm down. Steve's breaths soon fell in a pattern. Bucky looked down and realized he was asleep. He gently laid Steve down, onto his pillow, before laying back himself. He stared up at the ceiling. If they both kept having nightmares neither of them were gonna get much sleep. They'd both been through some rough stuff, so Bucky highly doubted the nightmares would stop. He woke up almost every night because of one. He'd sit up and see Steve sleeping, and not wishing to wake him would simply snuggle a little closer and go back to sleep. He only told Steve about some of the nightmares, not all of them. Steve thought he only had one or two a week, Bucky only told Steve the bad ones, like the really bad ones. The ones that would bring Bucky to tears. And Steve always comforted him. He always sat or laid with him until the fear was out his eyes, or the tears stopped, or he fell back asleep. Steve was always there for him, not matter what. He didn't judge him on his last with HYDRA, he knew that he had no control over what he did. He helped him cope. Helped him feel less alone. And he felt bad about not telling him about every nightmare. About everytime he woke up crying, because he usually woke up crying, and yet he wouldn't tell Steve. Why wouldn't he? He didn't understand himself. Steve wouldn't judge him, and he'd still love him, so why didn't he tell him. Bucky thought this over, as he slowly drifted back to sleep.

When Bucky woke up, he didn't see Steve next to him. He did though, here the shower running. He got out of bed, slowly, and walked over to the bathroom door. He opened slightly.  
“Stevie?” He called.  
“I'm here Buck.” Steve called back.  
“Okay.” Buck replied. He got dressed, and went and sat on the couch. Steve came in a few minutes later. His hair was still damp. He was dressed in dark jeans, and a sweater with the collar of a button up sticking out the top.  
“You going somewhere?” Bucky asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve said. “Me,you, and Wanda are going to pay a visit to Lady Liberty.”  
“You make that sound so corny.” Bucky laughed.  
“Well I'm excited!” Steve chirped.  
“I better get dressed properly for the occasion.” Bucky smirked. He came back wearing black jeans, a black long sleeved shirt, and a black leather jacket, his hair pulled back in a bun, a few loose strands fell around his face.  
“Really?” Steve asked with a dead tone.  
“I don't look hot?” Bucky asked, cocking his head  
“You look too hot.” Steve said, and kissed Bucky's cheek.  
“Perfect!” Bucky said, grinning. “Let's go!” They got down to the ground floor and Wanda was already waiting, a backpack slung on her shoulders. She wore jeans, and a sweater that was a little to big for her, her hair was neatly braided. Bucky still was grinning.  
“Something funny?” Wanda asked.  
“Steve thinks I'm too hot.” Bucky laughed, it earned him an elbow in his side, from Steve.  
“Okay.” Wanda drew out the word.  
“Let's go.” Steve said, his cheeks red.  
“I embarrassed him.” Bucky whispered to Wanda.  
“Yeah I think so.” Wanda giggled. They walked outside, and Steve flagged down a cab.   
“Battery Park please.” Steve said, the driver nodded and they got in. Steve sat in the front while Wanda and Bucky sat in the back. The cab was silent, except for the radio, that played quietly. Bucky glanced over at Wanda, she looked over at him, their eyes locked, and they almost both started busted out laughing. It was the most uncomfortable cab ride ever. When they got out and paid, the second the cab disappeared into the crowd Bucky and Wanda busted out laughing. Steve just looked at them curiously.   
“That was so awkward.” Bucky said, between laughs.  
“Yeah.” Wanda laughed.  
“Come on guys.” Steve said, smiling. “We’re gonna miss the boat if you guys don't stop dying.” The rushed through the docks trying to find the boat. They made it on just as the dock closed. They got on the boat, and all sat on a bench. Wanda at the window, Bucky in the middle, and Steve on the end. The boat pulled away from the harbor. Wanda gazed out the window at the city skyline.  
“I'm gonna go up top.” Bucky said. “Anyone wanna come?”  
“Oh I do!” Wanda said, excitedly.  
“Steve?” Bucky turned to Steve.  
“I'm good.” Steve smiled.  
“K, Wanda let's go.” Bucky said. They walked up to the top deck, and were greeted by the cold air, but the sun shone, and their wasn't a cloud in the sky so the cold was bearable.   
“I dare you to jump.” Wanda said jokingly.  
“Double or triple flip?” Bucky said laughing.  
“Three and a half.” Wanda said.  
“Oh, sounds tricky.” Bucky said.  
“The skyline looks so cool.” Wanda said in awe.  
“Yeah.” Bucky said, he sounded as if he was in a trance. “I fucking love this city. My happiest memories are in this city, my happiest moments. The moments when I felt the most loved. I remember the first time I told Steve I loved him.” Bucky laughed at the last one.  
“Tell me the story.” Wanda said, clearly intrigued.  
“It's embarrassing.” Bucky blushed.  
“Please.” Wanda begged.  
“Fine.” Bucky huffed. “It was a few months before I was drafted into the war. Me and Steve were together, in my apartment. We were talking about girls. Steve was upset, like always, about how he couldn't get a girlfriend. I told him he didn't need one. He just stared at me, like I was crazy. I remember he told me that he couldn't be a loner forever, and that he wanted a girlfriend. He thought he was too scrawny, too small. But I thought he was perfect. And I said to him that he didn't need a girlfriend, again. And he was like why? And I was like because I love you. Then there was just dead silence. I thought he was going to throw me out or call me disgusting or diseased, but instead he kissed me. It was the most loving kiss I'd ever had. When he pulled back, I had tears in my eyes, tears streaming down my face. Steve just smiled at me, and brushed the tears away. And that's when I knew this was the man I was in love with. I knew that I couldn't be with him, and that broke me. I wanted nothing more than to love him forever. When I was captured by HYDRA the first time, and was tested on by Zola, it was the thought of me wanting to get back to Steve that kept me going. When he rescued me, he was my knight in shining armor. I wanted so badly to kiss him, but there were other people around. And when I fell from the train, I was silently cursing myself for not holding on, for leaving Steve. And when I finally got him back, in the modern world, when I could be accepted for the way I felt about him, it was like all my prayers had been answered. I had never felt so happy in my life. I finally could have the love of my life, and not have to hide, I was so relieved.” Bucky's voice started to crack. His eyes stung with tears. He looked over at Wanda, she was sniffling, whipping tears from her eyes.  
“Buuuuck!” She said, still crying. “That's the cutest story. No wonder Steve loves you.”   
“Oh c’mere.” He hugged Wanda. He pulled away and placed both hands on her shoulders. “Did you braid your hair?” He asked, and she laughed.  
“Yeah.” Wanda said, drying her eyes.  
“You know, I could show you some new styles.” Bucky said.  
“You know different hair styles?” Wanda seemed to not believe him.  
“Yeah.” Bucky shrugged. “Even I get bored.”  
“So you watch hair tutorials?” Wanda laughed.  
“Yep.” Bucky responded cheerfully. “They're actually helpful. I can do all sorts of things, it just my hair isn't long enough for others. I've been dying to try a hair crown, you know when your hair rings the top of you head in a braid.”  
“You can do that?” Wanda asked excitedly.  
“Yeah.” Bucky said. “I've gotten close with my hair but it's just not long enough.”  
“You gotta show me some time.” Wanda stared out at the skyline. “I love this city too.” Bucky leaned on the railing of the deck. He stared down into the cold water below. The boat lightly rocked, the water splashed around the it. Bucky suddenly wanted to jump into the water. To sink to the bottom, to never come back.  
“You still with me?” Wanda asked, poking his arm. Bucky blinked, he looked over at Wanda, a confused look on his face.  
“Yeah? Why?” He asked confused.  
“You were really still, and your eyes were like glass. It was weird.” Wanda shivered.   
“Sorry.” Bucky said. “I'm not sure what happened. Let's go back by Steve.” They turned away from the water, and went down to the lower deck.  
“How's the water?” Steve asked smiling.  
“You sound like a grandma.” Bucky laughed. he sat back next to Steve, Wanda sat back at the window.   
“Oh please.” Steve scoffed. Bucky fell silent. “Hey are you ok?” Steve sounded concerned.   
“Yeah no I'm fine.” Bucky smiled, and kissed Steve.   
“Daddy! Daddy! That man just kissed that other man!” A little boy whispered not so quietly.   
“Where?” A man, Bucky guessed the boysdad, asked. The little boy pointed to them. The man got up, and walked over to them. “Could you not?” He said, clearly disgusted.  
“Not what?” Bucky smiled up at him.  
“Not everyone needs a display of your disgusting homosexual lifestyle.” He growled.  
“Disgusting!” Bucky cried. Many of the other boat riders glanced momentarily at the confrontation, then went back to their own business.  
“Yes.” The man snarled. “Disgusting.”  
“You here this, Stevie?” Bucky asked. “He think we're discussing.” He turned back to the man. “Do you need like a vomit bag? Are you going to puke? Do you need so fresh air? Oh, I know, maybe you just need some common decency!”   
“Buck.” Steve said quietly, and took Bucky's hand.  
“How dare you!” The man exclaimed.  
“I'm sorry but you attacked us.” Buck shrugged.  
“Attacked you?” The man snarled. “You're the ones who ruining our world.”  
“Oh you did not.” Bucky growled, he got up, stepped into the aisle and slugged the man across his face. There was a collective gasp from everyone on the boat. He hit him with his flesh arm though, he didn't want to shatter his skull.   
“Buck!” Steve yelled. The man stumbled back dazed, before charging Bucky. He swung his fist, but Bucky pushed his arm to the side, the man stumbled by. He turned around an charged again, but Bucky punched his stomach. He was going to kick him, but he felt strong hands in his arms.  
“James Barnes stop this now.” Steve yelled, he was the one who’d pulled him back. He turned on Steve, his eyes had glazed over, Steve knew he was putting himself in danger, but his grip didn't falter. The other man stood up, but Wanda stood between him and Bucky. She faced Bucky, her eyes glowed red. Bucky's fist clenched tighter, his muscles tightened. Steve could feel it. He tried to pull away.  
“JAMES!” Steve screamed. Wanda's eyes glowed brighter. The other man tried to get past her, but she turned on him. He jumped back at the sight of her eyes. A security guard came over. Bucky tried again to break free from Steve. Steve turned Bucky to face him. His eyes were still glazed, his face emotionless. Steve stared into his eyes.   
“James Buchanan Barnes you stop this right now.” He growled. Bucky's eyes cleared, and he collapsed. Wanda rushed to his side, as Steve talked to the guard. The other guy didn't seem that beat up. He had a bruise right below his cheek bone. Steve realized that the punch was perfectly placed so that his jaw didn't break. The man was slightly hunched from the second blow, but other than that he was ok. Bucky on the other hand wasn't so good. He was sitting on the deck floor, shaking as if he was cold, his head hung, tears rolling off his chin. Wanda had her hand on his back, and was whispering something to him. Steve took his phone out his pocket and called Tony.  
“Hello.” Tony answered.  
“Hey Tony.” Steve said. “Can you come get us at the police station in like a half hour?”  
“Why?” Tony asked. Steve told him the whole story.  
“The guard said they're gonna turn the boat around and take both men in. He said that they'll both probably be fined for assault. I'm sorry, but after what happened I'm not calling a cab.” Steve realized how shaken he sounded, though he couldn't place why.  
“Oh god.” Tony said. “The guy so deserved to get his ass kicked.”  
“Not helping Tony.” Steve sighed.  
“Sorry.” Tony said. “I'll be there. Bye.” He hung up. Steve kneeled next to Bucky.  
“The hell was that?” He asked. Bucky looked up at Steve. He looked so ashamed. Tears streamed down his face. He couldn't hold Steve's gaze.  
“I lost it.” He said weakly. He buried his head in his hands. Wanda motioned for Steve to follow her. They went to another side of the deck, while the guard stood by Bucky.  
“You saw his eyes.” She said. “He wasn't there, if that makes sense. It wasn't him. And that doesn't justify what he did, but I'm just saying he wasn't mentally sound. I looked into his mind. He feels nothing but shame and anger.”  
“And you?” Steve asked. “What was that? You're eyes were bright red.”  
“I had to do something to scare them both.” Wanda said. “You alone couldn't break up that fight.”  
“I can't take this right now.” Steve sighed. “I can't deal with him fighting random strangers.”  
“That man hurt him on such a personal level.” Wanda said.  
“As in?” Steve asked.  
“When me and him were up on the top deck, Bucky told me the story of when he first told you he loved you.” Wanda said, she was careful with her words. “He was telling me about how he wanted to love you openly but was afraid of being judged, about what people would say and do to him. He wanted nothing more than to be accepted for who he was, and that guy was so, so awful. as for the who eye glaze over thing, I'm not sure what happened. I'm guessing something to do with his past with HYDRA.”  
“I'm not sure anymore.” Steve huffed. “I'm gonna have to talk with him later.” He walked back by Bucky, Wanda followed. Bucky still sat with his head in his hands. His body shook as he silently sobbed.   
“The hell is he upset about!” The man who'd been in the fight cried. He held an ice pack to his face, his son stood nearby. Steve had completely forgotten about the son. Steve marched over to him.  
“You have no idea what he's been through.” Steve growled. “And what you said, was unnecessarily harsh.”   
“Steve Rogers?” The man asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve snapped.  
“You're— you know.” The man stammered.  
“Yeah that's my fiancé.” Steve said harshly.  
“You know,” The man said. “my son looks up to you.”  
“Well now he can look up to someone who doesn't let people tell them who to be.” Steve said, then turned to his son. “You can be whoever or whatever you want. Stay true to yourself.” Then walked off. 

It took maybe 15 minutes for the boat to get back to the dock. When they got there, police were waiting. They handcuffed both Bucky and the man, and took them into separate cars. They then approached Wanda and Steve.   
“You guys know one of these men?” A female officer asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve sighed, he pointed to the car that Bucky was in. “That's my fiancé.”  
“Congrats.” The woman said. “We'll take you to the station.” She walked to one of the cars and opened the door. Wanda and Steve climbed in the back, and the officer drove off. Steve stared out the window as the car drove through the city. He thought about how much he loved it. He was overcome by so many emotions. He was worried, scared, ashamed, angry, and frustrated all at once. His hands started to shake. He tried to stop but couldn't. His eyes started to sting. He blinked away the tears. He wasn't gonna start crying in a police car. They pulled into the police station a few minutes later. The officer led them inside, and they sat in the waiting area. Steve's hand still shook as he pulled out his phone, and sent a text.  
Steve: I don't know what to do.  
Nat: Why?  
Steve: Bucky got arrested for fighting a guy on the ferry.  
Nat: Oh god!  
Steve: Yeah we’re at the police station rn. Tony's gonna drive over.  
Nat: I'm going with him.  
Steve: I'm so angry, and worried.  
Nat: I know. I know. We'll be there in five.  
Steve put his phone back in his pocket. He wanted to cry, and to his frustration, his body obeyed. Tears trailed down his cheeks. Wanda grasped his hand. More tears fell.   
“Steve!” There came a shout from another part of the room, Steve could tell it was Tony. A moment later Tony and Natasha were next to Steve.  
“Oh Steve.” Natasha hugged him. “Tell me the whole story.” Steve told her. Wanda cut in a pints when Steve needed a moment. He told her everything. Why withhold information.   
“Well if you asked me that guy was looking for a beating.” Nat said.  
“That's what I said!” Tony cried.  
“Guys.” Steve said.   
“Sorry.” Tony and Nat said together.  
“Where's he now?” Nat asked.  
“Not sure.” Steve shrugged. Tony and Nat both sat down across from Wanda and him.   
“Uh, Steve Rogers?” An officer called.  
“That's me.” Steve said, standing.  
“Will you come with me.” The officer said. Steve looked at Tony and Nat, and shrugged. He walked over to the officer. “It says James Barnes is your fiancé.”   
“Yes.” Steve said.  
“He's having somewhat of a panic attack.” The officer said. “We were hoping you could help calm him.”   
“I'll try.” Steve shrugged. The officer led him to a room, where Bucky sat shaking. He was sobbing. Steve came and knelt next to him.  
“Buck?” He whispered. Bucky turned to him, his eyes red. Steve took Bucky's hand, and placed it on his chest. He held his hand there for awhile. Letting Bucky feel his heartbeat. Bucky seemed to calm down. His breaths steadied, and he stopped crying. Steve stood and kissed Bucky's cheek.  
“Now you just gotta talk to these officers ok?” Steve said, as if talking to a small child. Bucky nodded, and Steve kissed his forehead, before walking out the room.  
“Thank you.” The officer said.  
“He's been through a lot.” Steve said. “Like more pain than you could probably imagine so go easy on him, please.” The officer nodded, and led Steve back to the waiting room. He sat back down next to Wanda.   
“What was that about?” Tony asked. Steve just shook his head. Seeing Bucky like that always made him feel weak. How scared he looked, like a caged animal. He looked so shaken, Steve wanted nothing more then to hold him, but he couldn't. He wanted to tell him that he was ok, that no one would hurt him but he couldn't. And that broke Steve. He just sat there, with his head in his hands. It felt like hours, that the four of them sat there. They talked lightly, about nothing too serious. An officer finally brought Bucky out. He explained that there was a fine, that both men had to pay, and must be paid in the next 30 days. They thanked the officer, he walked them out. Nat was the first to hug Bucky. Wanda joined her, wrapping her arms around Bucky. Steve and Tony just stood to the side. Bucky still looked shaken up. His eyes were red, and they kept looking around frantically.   
“What are you guys doing here.” Bucky asked.  
“Steve called us.” Tony said. “Someone needed to come and pick you guys up.”  
“And I just tagged along.” Nat shrugged.   
“I lost it.” Bucky mumbled. “I thought I had everything under control, but I was wrong. I fucked up.”  
“It's ok Barnes.” Tony said.  
“No! It's not fucking ok!” Bucky yelled.   
“Just get into the car.” Steve said. Tony's car pulled around the front of the station and they all piled in.   
“Where to?” Friday's voice came through the speakers.  
“Avengers Tower.” Tony said. The car drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then. See it got personal. I have personally never gotten into a fight about them judging me for my sexuality, but I've gotten close, real close. Bucky definitely cares a lot about equality, and Steve is still mad. We'll see how this plays out. See you guys thursday!


	7. The Fight For Liberity Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pt. 2 of the last chapter. Sorry for all the angst.

The drive back to Avengers Tower was quite. When they got back everyone got into the elevator, and got off at their floors. Once Steve and Bucky got to theirs, Bucky immediately locked himself in the bathroom. Steve sat next to the bathroom door. He listened to Bucky crying. It almost broke Steve. He sounded so devastated. He sat there for half an hour until the sobs suddenly stopped, and there was no noise from the bathroom. Steve stood, and tried to open the door. It didn't budge.  
“Buck?” Steve asked, panicked. “Open the door please.” There was no response. “Please!” Still no response. “Ok fine.” Steve stepped back, before slamming his shoulder into the door. It opened. Bucky sat on the other side of the small room, right under the window. His arms were wrapped around his legs, and his head was on his knees.   
“Buck?” Steve asked lightly, he knelt in front of Bucky.   
“Go away.” Bucky growled.  
“No Buck.” Steve said. “Get up please.”  
“How can you bare to be with me.” Bucky said, quietly, still not lifting his head. “I'm just a giant fuck up. I can't control my own mind. I'm a walking time bomb. One day I'll just lose it for good, and nothing will bring me back. I may even kill you.” Bucky choked on the last words. “If that ever happens I want you to not hesitate to kill me. I mean it. I don't want to put you in danger. If I go past the point of no return, I want you to kill me.” Steve was taken back by Bucky's words. He knelt there in stunned silence. Hot tears suddenly streaming down his face. He opened and closed his mouth, but no words came out. Tears basically poured down his face, and off his chin. His tears fell to the floor, making soft pattering noises. A cry finally erupted from Steve's throat. Bucky's head shot up, he seemed shocked, even scared. Tears streamed down Bucky's face, but he silently tried to choke them back. He just stared at Steve as he fell apart in front of him. A puddle started to form from Steve's tears. Steve just stared at the ground, letting the tears roll off his face. Bucky didn't move. He watched his fiancé cry, until, finally, he couldn't take it anymore. Bucky surged forward, and wrapped Steve in his arms. He must've moved a little to quickly, because he knocked Steve over. So instead of hugging him, he kinda tackled him. He rolled over so that Steve was on top of him, and wrapped his arms around him. Bucky's shirt quickly became wet, so he pulled it off. He held Steve tightly, letting him cry into his bare chest. The tears pooled in Bucky's stomach, causing Steve's shirt to also become wet. Bucky pulled Steve's shirt off as well. Steve still cried, and Bucky wasn't in any rush to move. Steve lifted his head, allowing Bucky to steal a kiss.   
“The hell are you guys doing?” Sam said, he was standing in the door frame, staring down at the shirtless men. Steve looked up, his face immediately turning bright red. Bucky tried to tilt his head back, but all he could see was the top of the door frame.  
“Crying?” Steve said slowly.  
“Shirtless, and onto of your fiancé?” Sam asked.  
“Oh please Sam.” Bucky said, he'd given up on trying to look at Sam, and was staring at the ceiling.  
“And why are you in the bathroom?” Sam asked. “Were you guys gonna do you know what in the shower or something.”  
“Shut up!” Bucky growled. “Can't a guy let his fiancé lay on top of him and cry?” Steve slowly stood up, then stretched out his hand, and helped Bucky up.   
“You gonna put a shirt on?” Sam sounded annoyed.   
“Nope.” Bucky said, and pulled Steve in and hugged him tightly. Sam just gave him an annoyed look. Bucky gave him a more annoyed one. He could feel Steve's tears trailing down his back. Steve pulled away, and Bucky gently brushed away his tears.   
“I'm sorry.” Bucky whispered. Steve didn't say anything. He kissed Bucky's cheek, then walked out the door.  
“You want some water or something Sam?” Steve called.  
“Yes, water’s good.” Sam called back, before turning back to Bucky. “What was that about?”  
“I said some things that were a little too serious.” Bucky said shaking his head. “I don't wanna talk about it.” Sam was annoy, yes, but he knew when to not ask questions. He just nodded. Sam and Bucky walked into the small kitchen.  
“Ok so can I know what happened on the ferry?” Sam asked.  
“This dick came up to us and told us that our relationship was disgusting, and that people like us were ruining the society, so I kicked his ass.” Bucky shrugged.  
“Buck!” Steve said, clearly annoyed.  
“And then I lost control, maybe hit him a few more time then I should've and got my ass arrested.” Bucky said, dejectedly.   
“Seems like that guy deserved an ass kicking.” Sam said, it earned him a death glare from Steve.  
“That's what everyone's been saying.” Bucky said.  
“Sounds rough.” Sam sighed. “Wanda seems pretty shaken up.”  
“Shit.” Steve cursed, he'd completely forgotten about Wanda. “I'll be back, I have to go talk to her. Shit.” He said this while rushing to the elevator. He hit the button for Wanda's floor, completely forgetting that he wasn't wearing a shirt. He got to Wanda's floor, and found her painting.   
“Wanda?” He spoke timidly. “I'm sorry for today. For not talking to you after. For just shutting myself off. For breaking down. I'm sorry.” She just turned to him and smiled.   
“It's ok Steve.” She said lightly, her eyes flicked over his face, a concerned look replaced her smile. “You've been crying. Hard. Not about the ferry though, you wouldn't still be that upset about it. What happened? If Bucky ok?” She was good at that, reading emotions, even without her powers.   
“Nothing's wrong.” Steve lied.   
“You're surprised look already gave it away.” She said blandly. Steve silently cursed himself.  
“When we got home Bucky locked himself in the bathroom. I waited outside until everything got quiet and I broke the door open. Bucky then went off about how if he ever lost control like that again and it was really bad that I should kill —” Steve choked up. He started to cry again. Wanda finished his sentence.  
“He wants you to kill him, if he becomes a threat.” Her voice quivered. “Oh god, Steve.” She came over and hugged him. She didn't want to, but she used some of her powers to fill Steve's head with positive memories. It seemed to help because he stopped crying.   
“You need to stay with him right now.” Wanda said. “I had to make sure you were ok.” Steve said.  
“I'm fine, but go back to him.” Wanda pushed him towards the elevator.  
“Ok, ok.” Steve laughed lightly. “Thanks Wanda.” The elevator door closed. When Steve got back to their floor, in about two seconds, Sam had left. Bucky sat in their bedroom, reading a book. Steve knocked lightly on the door frame. Bucky looked up from the book, he gave Steve a weak smile. Steve leaned against the door frame.  
“I'm sorry Stevie.” Bucky said, his smile faded. “I should've thought about what I was saying, before I said it. I can't just ask you to do something like that. And as for earlier, I really don't know what happened. I was so angry, and then all my training just kicked in. I felt like I was being controlled by something else, like I was a puppet. I put you under way too much stress, and you deserve so much better. And I —”  
“Stop that.” Steve said weakly, tears brimming in his eyes. “Stop that now. Don't you dare say anything like that ever again, you hear me? When I accepted your love for me, and you accepted mine, I silent made a promise. I promised that I'd be there for you no matter what. That I’d always be at your side, and that I’d that the good along with the bad. Bucky I'm here for you no matter what. No matter how many stupid fights you get in, no matter how much you make me cry. You could break my heart over and over and I'd still love you. I'll love you till the end of the line, Buck, and that's a promise.” Tears trailed down both men's faces.  
“C’mere you.” Bucky smiled. Steve hopped onto the bed, and kissed Bucky. Deeply, and passionately. He pushed Bucky back so that he lay on top of him. He stared down into his eyes, letting his fingers trail lightly through his long brown hair.   
“You're beautiful.” Steve whispered, tears still trailed down his face.  
“Can you not cry on me?” Bucky laughed, and kissed Steve again, he kissed him tenderly, hoping to put all his feelings into one kiss. Steve's breath hitched.   
“I love you.” Steve said, kissing Bucky again.  
“I love, you.” Bucky said. And then as Tony would put it, ‘shit went down.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I had to avoid writing smut at all cost. I might get around to writing it, someday, but today is not that day. Sorry for all the angst, it's an old habit. see ya saturday!


	8. Let the planning really begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is a shorter chapter, sorry. Sorry for the angst too. Ugh I'm tired, and blaring mcr in my hears so it's a good time. Ok I'll stop, hope you enjoy!

Steve straightened his collar. They were meeting with the wedding consults today. He heard the hair dryer coming from their bathroom. Bucky came out a few minutes later. He was dressed in all black. Black pants, black sweater, black shoes. His hair fell in loose ringlets around his face.  
“Really, Buck?” Steve asked, almost pleading.   
“What?” Bucky pulled at his sleeves. “I'm not wearing a different color, no way.” Bucky crossed his arms.  
“Please, Buck.” Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's shoulders, he gently kissed his cheek.   
“Aw, Stevie.” Bucky kissed Steve back. “No.”  
“God you're impossible.” Steve pulled away from Bucky, and pulled his shoes on.  
“Yet you still love me.” Bucky laughed.

They got to the place, a few minutes before their consult. They sat in a small waiting room. Steve tapped nervously on the arm of his chair. He felt the cool metal of Bucky’s hand on his. He took a deep breath. A young woman stepped out of a small office, a clipboard in her hand. She ran her finger down the paper on the board before stopping at a certain point.  
“Mr.Roger and Mr.Barnes?” She asked perkily.  
“That’s us.” Bucky smiled at her, and she blushed. She made a mark next to where her finger had been.  
“Come on in.” She walked back into the office, and Steve and Bucky followed. “So you guys are engaged?” She asked, as she logged into her computer.  
“Yes ma'am.” Steve said.  
“Well congratulations!” She turned back to them and smiled. “So I'm guessing you'd like to schedule a date for the ceremony.”  
“Yes ma'am.” Steve repeated. Bucky nudged him lightly. The woman giggle lightly.  
“So what were you guys thinking?” She asked. They had talked about what they each wanted. A small ceremony, with friends, they both hated to admit it but the had no real family.   
“We were thinking a smaller ceremony.” Bucky said, still smiling.  
“Ok.” The woman typed something into the computer. “Were you thinking just family or friends and family?” There was a dead silence. Neither of them wanted to talk about their families. Both their parents had passed years ago, and Bucky had checked, all his brothers and sisters had also passed. Most of their other family had passed away too.   
“Just friends.” Steve said, realizing Bucky was on the verge of tears. He grasped Bucky's hand, hoping the woman wouldn't see.  
“Oh, I'm so sorry if I brought up a sore subject.” The woman hastily apologized.  
“No no it's ok.” Steve said. “What dates do you have open next April?”  
“Oh,” The woman scrolled through her computer. “We have friday April 4th.”  
“That's the date we were hoping for!” Steve smiled.  
“Perfect!” The woman said. The rest of the visit was good. Steve talked most of the time though. Bucky was still a little shaken up about the family thing.  
“Ok!” The woman said, and finished typing. “We'll be in touch.” Steve and Bucky stood up and walked out.  
“Thank you.” Steve waved as he left. They got back in the car. Steve didn't start the car though. He just sat there, looking at Bucky who just sat in the car, staring into his hands. “Buck? What's wrong? Buck? Sweetheart?”  
“Since when have you called me sweetheart?” Bucky mumbled.  
“I don't know.” Steve shrugged. “But what's wrong Buck?”  
“It's just, I always imagine my wedding full of family members. Ya know?” Bucky said, still not looking up. “I mean like no one can like do anything about it. But it's just so upsetting. I miss them so much. We were torn away front that life, and put through hell. But the fact that I'm marrying you, is the most amazing thing that has happened to me in the longest time. I love you so much. The fact that even after being torn away from each other we're back together is more than I could have ever asked for. You mean the world to me Stevie.” Tears found their way down Bucky's face, and into his open palms. Steve cupped Bucky's face in his hand, and turned his head to that he could look in his eyes.   
“Bucky, I've never cared more about anyone else than you.” Steve peered into Bucky's sad eyes. “I wanted my family to be here too. Don't get me wrong, I wanted them at my wedding so badly, but I also wanted you there. And you will be. You'll be at the altar with me. And that is honestly more than I could ever ask for at this moment. I'm marrying the love of my life, and after all these years, that's the greatest thing that could've ever happened.” Steve leaned over and kissed Bucky.   
“I love it when you talk like that.” Bucky smiled into the kiss. Steve pulled back and started the car. The drive wasn't long, and soon they were back home. Steve laid on the couch, and Bucky laid next to him. He pressed his back into Steve's chest, and Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's waist.   
“I love you Stevie.” Bucky kissed Steve's hand.  
“You're my world Bucky.” Steve mumbled pressing a kiss on the back of Bucky's neck. “I love you more than anything.” Steve kissed the crook of Bucky's neck. Bucky moaned slightly. Bucky held Steve's hand again, then kissed each of his knuckles. He then pulled Steve's arm close to him, snuggling up against. Within a few minutes Bucky was sleeping. Steve realized he was kinda trapped, but he didn't mind. He soon also fell into a light sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again about the chapter being short. Next chapter will be different, you'll see! I'm not going to set a specific day for the posting of the next few chapters because I'm really busy the next two weeks, so the chapters will be posted when I'm not busy. Sorry about that.


	9. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapters a lil different. This one takes place in the 40s before Bucky goes to war. It's when Bucky first admits he loves Steve. Happy Trails

Steve shivered slightly. It was freezing out, but he'd promised to go to Bucky's apartment today. He pulled his coat tighter around his frail body. Everytime he passed an alleyway he tensed. He couldn't help but expect someone to jump at and drag him into the alley. He could see the street now, the street that Bucky's apartment was on. He started to walk a little faster, this walk had been easy, too easy.  
“Hey!” There was a call from behind Steve, a man's voice, but he knew it wasn't Bucky. Steve slowly turned around. A bigger guy was approaching him. Steve knew he couldn't take him but he stood his ground.  
“What?” Steve groaned.  
“What cash ya got?” The man barked, and thrust his hand outwards.  
“That's none of your business.” Steve said defiantly.  
“Oh so your gonna play it that way?” The guy grabbed Steve by his coat, and dragged him into the nearest alley. Fuck, Steve thought. “Last chance.” The guy growled, and threw Steve into a pile of crates. Steve got up, he held his fist high, hoping he looked tough. The guy drove his fist into Steve's jaw, and stumbled back, and received another blow to his stomach. He double over, the guy punched him on the other side of his face. Steve managed to get to his feet and hold his head high. He felt blood trickling down his face, he knew it was coming from his nose. The guy next blow fell on Steve's eye. He collapsed again. The guy was about to step on his arm, most likely breaking it, when he was yanked back. Steve blinked. He saw Bucky and the guy fighting. The guy eventually gave up, and ran off clutching his nose.  
“Come on Steve.” Bucky sighed, and helped him up. “What are you doing?”  
“I can stand up for myself.” Steve said, brushing himself off.  
“Bullshit.” Bucky said, and lightly pushed Steve. “C’mon.” Steve followed Bucky out the alley.  
“How'd you know where I was?” Steve asked.  
“My Steve's getting beat up radar was goin’ off the hook.” Bucky teased.  
“Haha.” Steve said, they turned the corner, it had started to snow a while back and the stairs to Bucky's apartment were already covered in a thin, slippery layer of ice. Bucky fumble with his keys for a moment before opening the door. Steve followed Bucky inside. The apartment was small. There wasn't much furniture in this room, just a table as some chairs and a small couch. Bucky went over to a small sink and wet a cloth. He immediately went to work fixing up Steve. He always did that. He always insisted that he took care of Steve. Steve had learned a long time ago not to argue with Bucky, but today he felt like asking questions.  
“Why do you always do this?” Steve asked, he'd sat in a chair, Bucky hovered over him pressing a wet cloth to Steve's bruised eye.  
“Why do I always do what?” Bucky asked. “Save your ass?”  
“No, well yes.” Steve said. “But insist on taking care of me.”  
“Don't know.” Bucky shrugged, but he did know, he knew exactly why, he just wasn't gonna tell Steve.  
“Like you could be off with some dame.” Steve sighed. “But instead you spend your time with me. Why me? I'm this twig of a guy, you could be around really cool people Buck. But you choose to look out for me. Why?” Bucky didn't say anything at first. He dabbed Steve eye, and handed him a bag of ice for his cheek.  
“Maybe I don't wanna be off with some dame.” Bucky shrugged. “Most of the, as you call em’, cool people are actually jerks. They beat up my 12 year old brother named Steve.” Bucky laughed, and Steve pushed him.  
“No one takes me seriously Buck.” Steve said. “Especially not girls. They just laugh at me when I try to talk to em.”  
“Well if they knew you like I did they wouldn't laugh.” Bucky sounded oddly sweet. Steve didn't even notice that he was kinda flirting with him. “They'd say…” Bucky made his voice higher. “Oh that Steve Rogers is such a sweet, nice guy. He so dreamy he makes me swoon.” Steve laughed, and Bucky did too.  
“I wish.” Steve said, still laughing. “I wish I had a girl.” Bucky's smile faded a little.  
“Why?” Bucky asked, he gave Steve a tissue for his nosebleed.  
“WHY!?” Steve yelled. “Because I don't want to be alone forever. I want to be loved by someone, as like more than a friend.”  
“You'll always have me Steve.” Bucky smiled weakly.  
“That's not the same Buck.” Steve huffed. Bucky felt his heart break a little.  
“Why not?” Bucky asked, he refused to look at Steve, he was afraid he'd see the tears that had started to form in his eyes.  
“Because.” Steve choked on his words. “Because your a guy, and my friend. I want a girl to love me.” Bucky choked back a sob. He took a deep breath, letting the tears clear from his eyes.  
“But I love you.” Bucky blurted, he immediately regretted saying anything. He could've kept that a secret. He'd wanted to keep that a secret. Bucky silently cursed himself. There was a dead silence. Bucky felt the prick of tears. He glanced at Steve, who just stared at him. His cheeks flushed. Bucky's gaze fell back to the floor. He knew he'd lost Steve. He should've kept his mouth shut. He got up, and went to wash his hands.  
“Buck?” Steve asked, his tone was soft. “You mean that?”  
“Yeah.” Bucky said lightly, tears started to fall down his face. He turned to face Steve, but kept his eyes on the ground. I'm sorry Steve, I shouldn't have said anything. I really shouldn't have. I'm sorry Steve, I— I—” Steve cupped Bucky's chin in his small hand, and pressed their lips together. Bucky was more than surprised. Steve pulled back and smiled at Bucky. Bucky brought their lips together again. He had to bend over to reach Steve.  
“This is really hard.” Bucky mumbled.  
“Here.” Steve said, he jumped and wrapped his legs around Bucky's waist. Bucky pressed him against the wall. He tilted his head to deepen their kiss. Their breaths hitched. Bucky felt the tears continuing to trail down his face. Steve pulled back and laughed.  
“It's really hard to kiss you when I can taste your tears.” Steve whispered against Bucky's lips. Steve leaned back slightly. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's waist so he wouldn't fall.  
“When'd you learn how to kiss?” Bucky laughed.  
“Since when do you cry?” Steve smirked, and lightly brushed the tears away with his thumbs.  
“Oh shut up.” Bucky stole another kiss from Steve. They kissed until they both could barely breathe. Bucky collapsed to the floor, tired from holding Steve up for so long. He was careful so that he didn't hurt Steve. Bucky lay on his back, Steve laying on top of him. They were both panting. Bucky watched as rose and fell with his chest. He was so beautiful. Even with his skin frame. His glittering blue eyes, his short blonde hair, and his killer smile. Bucky always wondered why Steve never had a girlfriend. If people could just look past his frail body, they could see how amazing he really is. Bucky propped himself up on his elbows.  
“You regretting something?” Steve asked, and placed a kiss on Bucky's jaw.  
“What is there to be regretted?” Bucky smiled.  
“That makes no fucking sense.” Steve laughed.  
“Yes it does.” Bucky said defensively.  
“No it doesn't.” Steve said softly, kissing Bucky again.  
“I love you Steve Rogers. I don't want anyone but you.” Bucky whispered.  
“I love you James Barnes.” Steve whispered back, they kissed again. There was a knock on the door.  
“Shit!” Bucky cursed, Steve scrambled to get off him. Both men hurriedly fixed their hair, and straightened their clothes. Bucky hoped his eyes weren't red from crying, as he opened the door.  
“Hey Buck!” A brown hair girl stood in the doorway. Steve had never seen her before. She was a few inches taller than him, her hair fell past her shoulders. She was pretty, like really pretty, and Steve felt a twinge of jealousy.  
“Hey Lauren.” Bucky said, he scratched the back of his head. “What's up?”  
“Well I was around and I wanted to see you again.” Lauren blushed. “We had such a good time the other night, so I was wondering if you wanted some more.” She placed a finger seductively on his chest. She walked her fingers up to his shoulder. Steve could see Bucky's shoulders relax a bit. He felt rage course through his veins. Then Lauren leaned in and kissed Bucky. He slid his hands around her waist and kissed her back. Steve had never felt so used. He grabbed his coat and pushed past the kissing pair.  
“Steve.” Bucky said, but his mouth was still on the brunettes. Steve didn't turn back. “Steve!” Bucky said, pulling away from the girl. He ran down the stairs. He slid down the last few stairs. He lay on his back on the stairs.  
“Ow, fuck.” Bucky groaned.  
“Bucky?” Lauren called, she ran down the stairs. “Bucky are you ok?”  
“Steve!” Bucky cried out.  
“Are you ok? Can you stand?” Lauren asked.  
“Steve.” Bucky started crying from the pain.  
“I'm here Buck.” Steve was leaning over him. “I'm here, are you ok? What hurts?”  
“My back.” Bucky groaned, he still didn't get up.  
“Ok, ok.” Steve said, slowly.  
“Can you stand?” Lauren asked.  
“Can you move at all?” Steve asked.  
“I can move my arms, and legs just fine. But it's gonna hurt to get up Steve.” Bucky only focused on Steve.  
“Am I just invisible here?” Lauren said, frustrated.  
“Yes.” Steve snapped.  
“I'm sorry Stevie.” Bucky said sadly.  
“You're acting like you're dying.” Steve laughed. “Get up, Jerk.” Steve slid his arm under Bucky's. Bucky got up slowly, he leaned on Steve for support. Steve almost crumbled under Bucky's weight.  
“You good?” Bucky laughed.  
“Yeah.” Steve said, his voice sounded strained. Steve slowly but surely got Bucky up the stairs. Lauren walked on the other side of Bucky, her hands on his waist. They got into Bucky's apartment, and they closed the door.  
“Maybe you should go home Lauren.” Bucky said.  
“Why?” Lauren said, she looked defensively at Steve.  
“I told Steve I'd hang with him.” Bucky said.  
“You're gonna pass me up for him?” Lauren snarled.  
“Yeah.” Bucky said without hesitation. “Go home please.”  
“I—” Lauren's cheeks flushed, and she glared at Steve before storming out the door.  
“I'm sorry Stevie. I was an idiot.” Bucky said, he sat on the floor.  
“Yeah, you were.” Steve sat down next to Bucky. “You passed up a beautiful dame for me.”  
“Of course I passed up a dame for you.” Bucky said, his tone serious. “Like I said, I don't want anyone but you, Stevie.”  
“You keep calling me Stevie.” Steve blushed.  
“Oh, I'm sorry, I'll stop, I just—” Bucky stumbled over his words.  
“No no, I like it.” Steve lightly bit his lower lip. “But why'd you choose— me?”  
“Because I've always loved you.” Bucky admitted. “From the very beginning. I've loved you since— since like 6th grade. I remember when I first realized it. I realized you are the most beautiful, amazing person I had ever met. I wanted to give you the world. To love you forever. But I couldn't say anything, I knew I couldn't. My family couldn't find out. My friends couldn't find out, no one could find out. So I hid it, for a really long time. Your mom knew though.”  
“What!” Steve looked really shocked. “My mom knew!?”  
“Ummm yeah…” Bucky said, he wouldn't meet Steve's eyes. “I was over at your house, we were in like 10th grade. You went to go get something. And she turned to me and looked me in the eyes. She took my hand and said ‘you love him don't you.’ And my heart dropped. I remember tripping over my words. I admitted that I loved you, and she started crying. Like seriously, she started crying, and hugged me. She told me that she would love me no matter what, and that it was totally up to me to tell you, but that one day I should tell you, and that she knew you wouldn't abandon me because I loved you. That you would always care about me. And—” Bucky started crying. He put his head in his hands. Steve wrapped his small arms around his shoulders.  
“I would never abandon you. Ever.” Steve said.  
“That what's she said.” Bucky said between sobs. “And she told me that there was nothing wrong with me loving you. Even though the world would tell me I was wrong, I wasn't. She told me that she would always care and that you would always care. She told me to not let anyone tell me I was wrong. Or disgusting, or not worth it, because I am worth it, and I just remember crying in her arms. And now I'm here, telling you I love you. And surprisingly you love me. And it makes me so happy.” Bucky placed his head on Steve's chest. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's shoulders.  
“God I love you.” Steve whispered.  
“I love you.” Bucky said between sobs, and they just sat there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo Lauren was kinda random but Imma bitch who loves drama ;) I love these two guys though. I needed a whole back story, while I sort out the rest of the actual story, hoped you liked it! See ya soon!


	10. New Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here's this new chapter. Yeah. That's it. Hope you enjoy.

“I love you.” The woman in the movies said.  
“I know.” The man replied.  
“The fuck?” Bucky said. “He's probably about to die, and he won't tell her that he loves him.”  
“Shh.” Steve swatted Bucky's arm. “I want to watch.”  
“But it doesn't make sense.” Bucky sighed.  
“Yes it does.” Steve said. “No stop talking.” They watched the movie for a while longer.  
“No, I am your father.” The man with the mask said.  
“WHAT!” Bucky and Steve said in unison.   
“This movie is whack.” Bucky said shaking his head.  
“Shh.” Steve said, he leaned forward a little. Soon the ending credits were rolling.   
“The hell was that!” Bucky said.   
“A fantastic movie.” Steve said.  
“But like the fuck!” Bucky hissed.  
“I don't know.” Steve shrugged. He got up. His phone rung. When he saw it was Tony he quickly answered.   
“New mission.” Tony said. “It's only you, me, Nat and Sam. We're leaving in 15 minutes. Suit up.” He hung up.  
“Shit.” Steve threw his phone onto the couch.   
“What?” Bucky seemed concerned. “What is it? It's obviously bad because you're cursing.”  
“Tony called about a mission.” Steve sighed.  
“That fucker.” Bucky groaned.  
“I'm leaving in 15 minutes. I don't know how long the mission is, or what it's about but it's only me, Tony, Sam, and Natasha. Which means it's serious because Wanda isn't coming. I have to get suited up.” Steve walked off. He came back five minutes later in his Captain America uniform. His shield on his back, helmet in his hand.  
“Don't leave me Stevie.” Bucky whined.  
“I wish I didn't have to.” Steve said, he pulled on his helmet.  
“Please.” Bucky said, he stood up and wrapped his arms around Steve. “Please don't leave me. What if I snap or I have a bad nightmare. Like I real bad one. Like a screaming one, or worse.”  
“Worse?” Steve asked.  
“I— I've woken up in a trance before. Like, like the ones HYDRA used to put me in.” Bucky said slowly. “I always come out of it in some odd place. Like a rooftop, or a subway, or some other place where I shouldn't be. I'd come out terrified. Always crying. I don't want that to happen while you're away.”  
“Buck, why didn't you tell me.” Steve turned to face him, he placed his hands on his shoulders.  
“I didn't want to scare you.” Bucky said, a few tears fell down his face.  
“You could never scare me.” Steve pulled him into a hug.  
“Yes I could.” Bucky said, crying. “There's plenty I could do.”  
“You'll have Wanda, Buck.” Steve said. “She cares so much about you. She does Buck, she'll be there for you.”  
“I'm a scary monster.” Bucky mumbled.  
“She’ll help you.”  
“I scare anyone away.”  
“She could stay here with you.”  
“I'll scare her.”  
“She's scarier.”  
“No. She's not.”  
“Buck!” Steve pulled away, tears were streaming down his face. “You'll be ok. I'll come back, I promise. You're not scary. I love you. Please look after Wanda, and let her in. Let her know how you feel. I mean like she'll find out anyway. I love you so much.”  
“I love you too.” Bucky kissed Steve lightly.  
“Bye.” Steve got on the elevator. He got up to the top floor, and the Quinjet was waiting with the bay door opened.   
“Yo Cap.” Tony said. Natasha was sitting in the pilot seat, Sam next to her. “We're good to go!” Tony called. Steve watched the door close. He held onto a handle, as the jet took off.   
“Course set.” Nat said, coming out the cockpit. She walked over to Steve who still stared at the door. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “You ok?” Steve turned to her, she could see the tears in his eyes. Steve bit his lower lip, as he tried to fight back the tears. Natasha just wrapped her arms around him. “What's wrong?” She asked, she gently rubbed his back.  
“I'm worried about him, Nat.” Steve said. “He's talking about things he's never told me about. I'm scared that something bad will happen when I'm away. At least he has Wanda.”   
“He'll be ok.” Wanda drew back, but kept her eyes on Steve. “He's strong. He's gotten through worse. He’ll do fine, especially with Wanda with him. She knows how to get through things like this. She will help him. She cares about him. And she'll be there for him. Everything will be ok.” Nat smiled, and Steve gave a weak smile back, before wiping his eyes.  
“God, what are we crying about?” Tony sighed. Natasha shot him a stern look. “Got it.” Tony said slowly. He clapped Steve on the shoulder. “It'll be ok man.”  
“Doubt it.” Steve said dejectedly.  
“Steve.” Nat sighed.  
“What!” Steve yelled.  
“Stop with the damn negativity.” Nat snapped. “Now, stop it. Bucky will be ok. He will be ok. But this fucking negativity! It's unacceptable. Everytime you say something like that it shows that you doubt him. And I don't think you really doubt him. He's a strong guy. And he has Wanda. And they'll contact us if anything goes wrong. But you need to stop worrying.” Natasha folded her arms across her chest. Steve wouldn't meet her eyes, as he sat in one of the chairs. He put his head in his hands. Nat just stood there, arms crossed. There was tense silence. Everyone knew not to fuck with her when she was pissed off. Tony and Sam pretended to be checking different systems. And Natasha just glared at Steve. He didn't move.   
“I don't doubt him.” Steve said. “The part of him that is him. But he can't control the HYDRA side. That's what I worry about. He can't control it. He tries to but he can't. And it's not his fault. I'm just scared.” Steve looked up slowly. Tears brimmed in his eyes. His lower lip quivered slightly. Natasha dropped her arms. She stepped closer to Steve, before sitting next to him. She took his hand. They just sat in silence. 

Bucky had been laying on his back, on the couch, staring at the ceiling for the past half hour. He kept waiting for Steve to come back, and tell him that he was kidding. He heard he elevator door open.  
“Steve!?” Bucky sat up.  
“No.” Wanda tugged on the end of her sleeves.  
“Oh, sorry.” Bucky said, and laid back down. “I keep thinking he'll come back.”  
“Oh.” Wanda sat next to him. She was still tugging at her sleeves. Bucky lifted his head.   
“Are— are you ok?” He asked, his head cocked slightly.  
“Hm?” Wanda seemed to come out of a trance. “Yeah! It's just— never mind.” Wanda looked away.  
“No, what?” Bucky said, sitting up.  
“It's, it’s just—” Wanda inhaled. “—Natasha's been helping me with coping methods, for like my episodes and stuff.”  
“Oh.” Bucky stared at his hands, before placing his hand lightly on Wanda's shoulder. “I'll be here for you.” He smiled at her, and she smiled back. Bucky laid back down, and turned the tv on.   
“Oh my god!” Bucky sat up. “Me and Steve watched the craziest movie about these space people and like the evil guy was like the one dudes father and it was whack!”  
“It's called Star Wars.” Wanda laughed. “And everyone knows Vader is Luke's father.”  
“Clearly I didn't.” Bucky said, laying back down.  
“Clearly.” Wanda said.   
“Whatever.” Bucky grumbled. They flipped through the channels, before settling on a cooking show.  
“Really? A cooking show?” Wanda sighed.  
“Yes, sweetie.” Bucky said way too sweetly. She punched his arm. Unfortunately for her is was Bucky's metal arm.   
“FUUUCK!” Wanda yelled, shaking her hand.  
“That's whatcha get honey.” Bucky said in the same tone.  
“Shut the hell up.” Wanda said, still shaking her hand.  
“Shhh I'm watching the cooking show.” Bucky said. Wanda just laughed. They watched several different shows, before Wanda turned to face Bucky.  
“Will you show me how to do—” She waved her hand in the air at nothing in particular. “whatever you know how to do?”  
“You mean like with hair?” Bucky laughed. He motioned for Wanda to sit on the floor in front of him. “I'll try not to get your hair caught in my, fingers.” He wiggled the fingers on his metal arm.   
“It'll be fine.” Wanda said, sitting on the floor.  
“Ok.” Bucky started to weave strands of Wanda's hair together. Within five minutes, Wanda's hair was in a fishtail braid.   
“That's cool.” Wanda said, running her hand over her braid.   
“Yeah.” Bucky sat next to her. “Watch.” He started braiding his own hair. Wanda watched his fingers.   
“Now you try.” Bucky said. Wanda undid her braid, and started redoing it herself. Bucky coached her through it. It took awhile, but she finally finished the braid.  
“Did I do it?” Wanda asked.  
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled.  
“Yay!” Wanda pulled out her phone, and took a selfie of the two of them. She sent it to Natasha.

Natasha was still sitting with Steve. They hadn't said much, but it was a comfortable silence. Her phone buzzed. She picked it up, it was Wanda. The text read:  
Braided babes  
There was a picture of Wanda and Bucky, both smiling, both with braids. She laughed.  
“What?” Steve asked. She showed him the picture. He beamed.   
“See he has her.” Nat gave Steve's hand a squeeze. He was about to respond when Sam started talking.  
“Ok what the hell is this mission even about?” He asked, emerging from the cockpit.  
“A secret nuclear program, in Sweden.” Tony said. “Seems to be terrorist. Should be quick, like two or three days. You know evil guys that the government doesn't want to deal with.”   
“When had a mission ever been quick?” Steve asked.  
“He speaks!” Tony threw his arms in the air.  
“Stop, Tony.” Nat snapped.  
“What!” Tony said. “He hasn't talked the entire ride. It's a bad kind of quiet. And by the way you're holding his hand, suggests there's something bad going on. Come on. What is it, Steve? You can trust us.” Steve bit his lower lip.   
“Tony don't push him.” Nat said frustrated.   
“No, no it's ok.” Steve swallowed hard. “It's Bucky. He's just acting weird. And— I'm scared that something badly happened when I'm gone. I worry too much. I really do. It's nothing.”   
“No, no it's not nothing.” Tony said. “He's been through so scary shit. You lost him for a long time. I understand why you're worried about losing him again.” Tony sounded genuinely sympathetic.   
“I'm so scared that I'll lose him.” Steve sighed, tears leaked from his eyes. Tony pulled him up into a hug.   
“If this missions too much,” Tony said, pulling away. “you can sit it out.”  
“No, no.” Steve shook his head, and whipped his eyes. “I'll be ok. It's fine. But there's no way this mission will only take two to three days.” Steve laughed.  
“Oh please.” Tony pushed him.   
“So terrorists have nukes.” Sam summed up.  
“Yeah.” Tony said.   
“Sounds fun.” Nat smiled.  
“We’ll be at the location in about an hour.” Sam said, checking the console.  
“Get ready guys.” Tony said. “This could be tricky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then. They're on a mission now. The braided babes will be back! I promise. That's all for this chapter. See ya


	11. An Opening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Welcome back. This chapter ( and the next few chapters) will be real angsty. So sorry in advanced. Enjoy the chapter.

Bucky lay upside down on the couch. Wanda was sitting on the ground.   
“Thank you.” Bucky said lightly.  
“For what?” Wanda asked.  
“Being with me.” Bucky sat cross legged next to Wanda. “Like you come and hang with me. And like I know you care. And like most people just run from me. They're terrified. But you, I feel like you get that. Being feared. And you always are there for me. You are on of the first people who's understands me, and didn't immediately run. And I'm just so thankful.” Bucky's voice cracked. He swallowed back tears. Wanda wrapped her arm around Bucky's shoulder.   
“You're not that scary.” Wanda said lightly. “I mean like you can be, when you wear all black, and stand in corners, and give people death stares. But you're an amazing person. And people who run from you are never lucky enough to get to know you. You are so kind, and caring. I'll always be there for you.” Bucky leaned his head on her shoulder. A tear trailed down his face.   
“You're so nice.” Bucky said, laughing lightly.  
“I know.” Wanda flipped her hair. Bucky laughed, and hugged her.  
“I think you might be my second favorite person that lives in this building.” Bucky said.   
“Aw!” Wanda squealed. She hugged Bucky back.

The Quinjet touched down on small cliff side. Steve tightened his helmet strap. He fixed his gloves. The bay door opened. Steve, Sam, Tony, and Natasha walked out the jet.   
“Over here.” Tony said, he had gotten into a suit. “Over that ridge should be a army looking base.” Sure enough, over the ridge was an army looking base. A group of one story buildings spread out, each not within 300 feet of each other. No doubt there was an underground system.   
“Okay.” Steve said. “Here's what I'm thinking. Someone does an aerial scan of the base, before a team of two, breaks in and looks around.”  
“Simple.” Tony shrugged. “I got the aerial scan.” He took off. He came back within a minute. “Scans show multiple underground layers. All spread out much further than these buildings. Minimal guards up top, but we can expect heavier patrol on the lower levels.”  
“Ok, me and Natasha will go in.” Steve said.  
“Wait, why am I going in?” Natasha asked.  
“Became you kick ass.” Steve shrugged. “Now come on.”   
“Can't argue with that.” Natasha followed him down the cliff side. They made it down fine, and started advancing towards the nearest building. Steve took his shield off his back. Sliding his arm into the strap, he pressed his back against the nearest building. Natasha stood next to him, a gun in her hand. The slowly advanced towards the nearest door. Steve put his hand in the air, to stop their movement. Steve peered around the corner. There was only one guard.   
“There's only one guard.” Steve whispered. Natasha switched places with him. She aims her gun, and fires. She'd placed a silencer on it, so there was only a small sound. The guard fell, with a bullet hole in his chest. They moved forward. The door needed a keycard to open.  
“Check for a key card.” Natasha pointed at the dead guard. Steve searched the guard. He came back with a card. He swiped it. The door clicked open. It opened on a dimly lit hallway. Steve went in first, his shield in front of him. Nat wasn't far behind. Their shoes made clicking noises on the concrete floor. They came to an elevator.   
“Should we go down?” Natasha hovered her finger over the button.  
“Yes.” Steve nodded, and she pushed the button. The door opened. They got in. There was only one floor shown, besides the one they were on. Natasha pressed the button. The got to the floor, and it was another long hallway. They followed the corridor, until they came to a multi hallway meeting point. The second they came into the room, all the doors shut. They were trapped.   
“Steve?” Natasha asked. “What the hell is happening.”  
“I don't know.” Steve was looking around for an exit. “But stay sharp. We don't know what could come through that door.” Steve placed his shield on his back. He tried to pry opened the door. It groaned. Steve shouted, he couldn't get it open. He pulled his hands away.   
“I can get it.” Steve shook his head, he turned to Natasha. “Listen to me, if you see an opening, at any time. Take it.”  
“What?” Natasha seemed more shocked then confused.  
“You know what I mean.” Steve said. “If you see an escape point. If you think that you can escape, then escape. I want you to leave me.”  
“What— I-I-I can't, I won't.” Natasha stammered. “You have to get back to Bucky. You got to. You can't leave him. He won't be able to live without you. He needs you. You can't leave him. I will not leave you.”  
“Natasha,” Steve sighed. “You're one of my closest friends. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you get killed. If something bad comes through those door. And you see that you can escape, and get back to Tony and Sam, you go. You have to. You must go back. I won't let you stay with me. I won't take no for an answer.” Steve sounded so serious, so stern, that all Natasha could do was nod. “No, no, tell me you'll leave. Tell me.”  
“I will.” Natasha swallowed back her tears.  
“And don't you dare, ever, blame yourself if I die.” Steve said. “And tell Bucky that I love him.”  
“We’ll be ok.” Natasha said, tears lightly falling down her face. The doors started to open, all of them. Steve grabbed his shield. The halls were filled with guards, all with guns. The door behind them had also opened, but with less guards. Steve threw his shield, knocking out severa guards. They started firing. It was a mess. Guns went off, guards went down, Steve's shield flew around in a blur of red, white and blue. Then Natasha saw the opening. The opening Steve was talking about.   
“Steve.” Natasha yelled.  
“Go!” Steve screamed. “Go now.” Natasha did go. She ran through the guards shooting some, punching or kicking others. She could hear gunshots ringing. Hear them deflecting off Steve's shield. She got to the elevator, and rushed in. There were guards following her, she pressed her back against the side of the elevator to avoid the bullets. She frantically hit the button for the top floor. The doors closed on a single gunshot, coming from where Steve was, followed by silence. The doors closed, and Natasha had to choke back tears. The doors reopened on the original hallway, she sprinted down it, and out the door. She raced away from the building. She could hear alarms going off. She got up and over the ridge, and could see the jet. She ran for it, and collapsed once she was in.  
“What! Where's Steve? What happened?” Tony asked. Natasha started crying.   
“We got trapped. And he told me if I could get away, to go. And we got attacked, and I saw an opening, and he told me to go, and I did.” Natasha said between sobs. “I think he's dead. Guys, I-I-I think he's dead. It's my fault. I think he's dead. He's—” She broke down in a puddle of tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... yeah. I'm sorry. Just wait till the next chapters. This is gonna be a lil roller coaster. But that's all for now. See ya soon.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, last chapter was... rough. Sorry to say, the next few are also....rough. Have fun!

Wanda woke up feeling cold. She knew something was wrong. She felt, alone. Like there was no one else in the tower. Why should that bother her? SHIT! Was Bucky ok? She threw herself out of bed, pulling on leggings, and sweatshirt. She grabbed her phone as she ran to the elevator, and pressed the button for Bucky's floor. Her heart raced as it climbed the floors. When it opened on Bucky's room, her heart sank. The coffee table was overturned, chairs were lying upside down.  
“Bucky!” She called as she raced to his room. It was empty. Blankets on the ground, and next to the bed, on the floor was a shattered picture frame. She carefully picked up the picture. It was of Bucky and Steve. They both smiled at the camera. Bucky in his army uniform, Steve in his Captain America uniform. They seemed so happy. She remembered Bucky showing her this picture, and tell her how much it meant to him. He wouldn't just let it fall like that. She carefully folded the paper and slipped it into her sweatshirt pocket. She ran back into the elevator, and hit the button for the ground floor. She pulled out her phone and called Natasha.  
“Wanda? Is everything ok?” Natasha answered, but she sounded frail.  
“No.” Wanda tried to keep calm. “Bucky missing. I don't know where he is. I'm going out to look but I don't know where to start, he could be anywhere. Put Steve on, maybe he can help.”  
“Wanda—” Natasha said slowly.  
“No I checked his room, he's not their. I can't feel his presence. I know he's not here. Just put Steve on please.” Wanda was starting to panic. The elevator door opened.  
“Wanda I can't put Steve on.” Natasha said softly.   
“Why?” Wanda stopped ten feet from the door.  
“He's—” Natasha's voice cracked. Wanda could hear crying, and the phone being passed to someone else.  
“Hey it's Sam.” Sam sounded somewhat calm.  
“Sam what happened to Steve.” Wanda tried to keep her voice steady. There was a moment of silence.  
“Natasha and Steve went in to investigate a building. And Steve didn't come out. We don't know if he's gone or just captured. But we think the worst.” Sam's voice came out wavering.   
“Oh god.” Wanda placed her hand over her mouth. She swallowed hard to fight back the tears, but they fell anyway. “Sam, I know that's a current matter for you guys, but Bucky's missing, and I need to find him. Do you have any idea of where he could be or where to start looking?”  
“I'd try, rooftops first.” Sam said. “Then maybe subways, I'm not sure Wanda. I'm sorry but you're kinda alone for this. I'm—” Sam stopped talking, and the phone was passed onto someone else.  
“Find Peter Parker.” Tony's voice. “I've contacted him. He'll meet you at central park zoo. He'll help. We've gotta go though Wanda. Please keep us updated. Bye.” Tony hung up. Wanda choked back tears. She walked out the building, the cold bit at her. She used her powers to fly to the zoo. She landed by the entrance.  
“Hey!” A teen boy, dressed in red spandex dropped from a tree. Wanda jumped.  
“Hey Peter.” Wanda said.  
“Mr. Stark said you needed help finding Mr. Barnes.” Peter said. Wanda didn't realize she was crying until Peter made a comment.  
“Is everything ok?” He asked lightly.   
“No.” Wanda croaked. “Bucky's missing, and Steve's been presumed dead, and—”  
“Wait Mr.Rogers is dead?!” Peter asked.  
“Presumed dead.” Wanda said. “But that's not my current problem. I need your help finding Bucky.”  
“Totally.” Peter nodded. “But I gotta be back by the morning or else Aunt May will kill me.”  
“Ok whatever.” Wanda said. “Just help, please.”  
“Ok, ok. It'll be ok.” Peter sounded so reassuring, that Wanda couldn't help but relax a bit. “I'll swing around, and tell you what I see.” He shot a web at a lamp post, and swung away. Wanda once again used her powers, to lift herself into the air. The city wasn't that quiet at night. Cars still drove around, and there were some people walking the streets. No of which were Bucky. They searched for hours. and found nothing. Peter was extremely helpful, but they still turned up empty handed.   
“Ms.Maximoff, I've gotta get back home or else Aunt May will actually kill me.” Peter said, as they stood on a rooftop.  
“Wanda.” Wanda smiled. “Go home Peter, it's ok. Thank you so much.”  
“Bye Wanda.” Peter said, as he swung away. Wanda looked out over the rooftops. Her heart stopped when she a figure on another roof. She couldn't tell if it was Bucky in the morning light. But she was hopeful. She flew over to the rooftop. She landed, and she sighed in relief. It was Bucky, staring at the buildings.   
“Bucky.” Wanda said his name lightly. Bucky turned to her, his face hard.  
“Where am I? Who are you? What am I doing here?” Bucky seemed panicked.  
“It's me, Wanda.” Wanda didn't understand why Bucky seemed so scared.   
“Who?” Bucky asked. Wanda walked over to him, she tried to touch his arm, but he pushed her away. She fell over. She didn't know what to do. Then she got an idea. She pulled the picture out of her pocket.   
“Your name is Bucky. This is you, and you fiancé Steve.” She showed him the picture. He looked at it for a long time, as if trying to figure out where he'd seen it before.   
“Stevie?” Bucky whispered, then collapsed. “Oh god, it happened again. Where's Steve Wanda?”  
“We have to get you back home.” Wanda said, ignoring his question. It took them awhile but Wanda eventually got Bucky home. He laid on the couch, and just stared at the ceiling. Wanda called Natasha.   
“I got him.” She said, as soon as she heard the phone pick up.   
“Oh thank god.” Nat sighed.  
“Are you talking to Steve?” Bucky asked.  
“No.” Wanda said. “It's Natasha.”  
“Can I talk to her?” Bucky stretched out his hand. Wanda placed the phone in his.  
“Nat?” Bucky said.  
“Hey Buck.” Nat said, she sounded tired. “How are you?”  
“Better.” Bucky grumbled. “Can I talk to Steve.” The words made Wanda's heart drop.  
“No.” Natasha said.  
“What, what do you—” Bucky paused. “Oh no, please no.”  
“We were surrounded. Steve had told me earlier to leave him, if things went wrong. I tried to tell him no, but he was defiantly. I saw a opening, and he told me to go.” Natasha broke down again. Bucky's eyes stung, the tears that rolled down his face burned.   
“So he's gone?” Bucky asked.  
“We don't know. But we're assuming yes.” Natasha said, between sobs. “I'm so sorry, Bucky. I, it's my fault.”  
“No!” Bucky cried. “No, no, no, no, no. It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself.”  
“We're going to a safe house. We won't have contact for awhile.” Natasha sniffed. “We’re trying to find Steve, we are. We just can't do much.”  
“It's, it's ok.” Bucky said. “Be safe. Bye.” He hung up. He rolled over and cried into a pillow. He cried hard, every sob shaking his body. He felt Wanda's hand on his back. But that didn't stop the sobs. He cried, and cried. He didn't think he'd stop crying. Ever.   
“Stevie.” Bucky cried. “My Stevie. He's gone, he's gone Wanda, and I won't see him ever again. It can't be true. It can't be.” Bucky sat up abruptly. He ran into the bathroom, and threw up in the toilet. He cried harder, before throwing up again. Wanda brought him a cup of water, and held back his hair, as he emptied his stomach. The cries didn't lighten for a few hours. By noon Bucky only had tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes were red and swollen. Wanda put his arm around her shoulders and half dragged him to his bed. He collapsed onto the mattress, and immediately passed out. Wanda gently laid a blanket over him, and closed the door as she left. She took out her phone. She had multiple messages from an unknown number. They read.  
Hey  
Hey Wanda, it's Peter  
Parker  
Did you find Mr. Barnes?  
Also what happened to Mr. Rogers?  
Please text back, or call

Wanda added Peter to her contacts, before calling him back. It went to voicemail.  
“Hey Peter, it's Wanda. I found Bucky. Could you come over to Avengers tower? Call me back. Bye.” She hung up. She didn't know what to do. If Bucky kept crying he'd keep being sick. Which Wanda didn't want to keep dealing with. Her phone rang. It was Peter.   
“Hello.” She answered quickly.  
“Hey.” Peter said. “Do you still want me to come over?”  
“Yes.” Wanda said. “And I'll explain everything.  
“Ok.” Peter said. “I'll be over soon.” He hung up. Wanda then made one last phone call. The phone rang, until she thought it was going to go to voicemail, but at the last second someone picked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I kinda cried writing this. It's sad. I know. Maybe things will get better, ya never know. You'll have to stick around. See ya soon.   
> Oh p.s. this is my version of a 'cliffhanger'


	13. A hard time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! this chapter is more angst. sorry.

“Hello?” Clint’s voice came clearly through the phone.   
“Hey.” Wanda said.  
“Wanda?” Clint asked.  
“You don't have my number saved?” Wanda laughed.  
“Must not.” Clint said. “What's up?”  
“I need your help.” Wanda explained about Bucky, and about Steve. Clint listened, and also became worried about Steve. “But Bucky is just going to keep crying about Steve, which is making him sick. It's really bad. And I'm all alone. Well not really. Peters coming over soon. But still. We both are still going to have a hard time taking care of him. Steve's the only one who knows what to do. And now he's—” Wanda choked back tears.   
“Ok, it's ok.” Clint said. “Just try and keep him distracted. Just so he doesn't cry, then vomit. Or maybe just let him cry it out. Just stay with him. That's the best thing you can do for him.”  
“Ok.” Wanda sighed.  
“Oh shoot Lila fell, and is crying. I gotta go.” Clint sounded rushed.  
“Ok, bye.” Wanda hung up. She paced the living room, wrapped in her thoughts. She didn't even notice Peter was there until he cleared his throat.  
“Oh my god.” Wanda jumped. “I didn't see you there.”  
“I'm sorry.” Peter mumbled.  
“No no it's fine.” Wanda slouched on the couch. Peter sat next to her.  
“So what happened?” Peter asked.  
“With what? Bucky or the mission.” Wanda said.  
“Both.” Peter shrugged.  
“Well Bucky was back in a trance, like he'd been in for years. And Steve, Steve is being presumed, he—” Wanda swallowed back tears. “They think he's dead.”  
“Oh.” Peter just sat there in silence. “I'm guessing Mr. Barnes didn't take it well.”  
“No he didn't.” Wanda wiped tears from her eyes. “He only found out earlier. He cried until he vomited. He's taking it really hard. I don't know what'll happen to him.”  
“We just gotta be their for him.” Peter said lightly. Wanda nodded, then yawned. She hadn't realized how tired she was. She struggled to keep her eyes open. “You can sleep. It's ok.” Peter said. Wanda just repositioned herself, so that her head was next to Peters leg, before falling asleep.

When Wanda woke up, Peter wasn't there. She sat up, and blinked. She could hear someone crying in another room. She got up and followed the sobs. She found Bucky in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet. Peter next to him, with a water bottle. He stepped out of the bathroom when he saw Wanda.  
“He's been in here for about an hour.” Peter said.  
“How long was I asleep?” Wanda asked.  
“Only a few hours.” Peter shrugged. “But I can't do throw up. It's going to make me throw up.”  
“I got you.” Wanda patted his shoulder, then walked over and knelt next to Bucky. She placed her hand on his spine. “Hey, just take deep breaths. Just breathe.” Wanda needed to get Bucky to stop crying. She needed something, anything, to get him to stop. He was just going to keep sobbing, and keep vomiting, and she didn't know how much more she could take.   
“Come on.” Wanda cooed. “Deep breaths, no more crying. Come on Buck.” Wanda wrapped Bucky in her arms. She let him cry into her shoulder, until he fell silent. Wanda pulled away, and Bucky stood up slowly. He slowly walked out of the bathroom, and into his bedroom. Wanda followed a few seconds behind. Bucky went a rummaged through a small drawer. He eventually pulled out a small chain, with tags on it. He held the tags between his pointer finger and thumb, and pressed the metal against his lips. Wanda came to the conclusion that they were Steve's military tags. Bucky slipped the chain over his head, and tucked the tags into his shirt. He walked over to Wanda, and hugged her.   
“I'm sorry Bucky.” She whispered. “I'm so sorry. I know how much Steve means to you. I miss him too.” Wanda started to cry, lightly. Bucky pulled back from her, and gently brushed the tears away.  
“It'll be ok.” He said, his voice still quavered, but he gave her a small smile. “But I'm hungry.” Wanda laughed lightly. They walked to the kitchen. Peter was sitting in a chair.   
“Hey kid.” Bucky sighed.  
“Hey Mr. Barnes. Are you feeling any better?” Peter asked.  
“You can call me Bucky.” Bucky said. “And not really.” His voice sounded fragile, like it could snap at any moment. Bucky opened the cabinets. He closed them clearly unsatisfied with the contents.   
“Wanna go get pizza?” Bucky asked.   
“Are you sure you wanna go out?” Wanda asked timidly.   
“Yeah.” Bucky grabbed a jacket from a small closet. “Wanna come…”  
“Peter.” Peter said.   
“Right.” Bucky said. “Wanna come Peter?”  
“Sure Mr. B— I mean Bucky.” Peter stumbled.  
“Cool.” Bucky said.  
They went to the pizza place around the corner. Bucky and Steve's favorite spot. They sat at a booth by the window. Bucky stared out the window, expression blank. Wanda sat next to Peter.  
“Is he ok?” He whispered.  
“No.” Wanda said. “We shouldn't have left the tower. He needs time. It's going to be hard to get him back if he breaks.”  
“Let's just hope he doesn't.” Peter sighed. They sat and quietly ate their pizza. Wanda could see the tears in Bucky's eyes, that wouldn't fall. She reached across the table and gave his hand a squeeze. He looked at her, a single tear trailed his face.   
“Please don't cry.” Wanda whispered. “Please don't. Please Bucky.”  
“I'm trying Wanda.” Bucky's voice wavered, he tried to swallow back the tears. “I am, it's just I can't think about my life without Stevie.” His voice cracked. He bit his bottom lip, to stop the tears.   
“Then don't think about it.” Peter said. “Just think about happy things. Like your favorite memories. That's what I do when I miss my uncle.”  
“But my happiest memories were with Steve.” Bucky's voice shook. On the verge of collapse. He shook his head, blinking away the tears.   
“Oh, I'm sorry.” Peter seemed to shrink back.   
“No, it's fine kid.” Bucky said. He ran his flesh hand over his eyes. He took a deep breath. Bucky hung his head. Tears fell into his hands. He cried silently.  
“Bucky, come on. Deep breaths.” Wanda said. “I know it's hard, but just keep it together please.”  
“I'm sorry.” Bucky croaked. He laid his flesh hand on the table. “Can you help me?”  
“What do you mean?” Wanda asked.  
“Take my hand.” Bucky said. Wanda took his hand. Bucky inhaled sharply. His eyes cleared. Peter was a little confused. He looked at their hands. Red mist was flowing from her fingers. It crawled up Bucky's arm, until it reached his head.  
“What are you doing?” Peter asked.  
“Playing his favorite memory, well one of them.” Wanda said, her focus still on Bucky. “Just to make him happy. It's easier than, just sweet talking him. You know.”  
“What is the memory?” Peter asked.  
“It might be too personal.” Wanda said. “But I’ll look.” She closed her eyes. 

She was seeing through Bucky's eyes. He was opening a door. The door opened, and Steve was standing outside. He was a small thing. Skinny, and pale. Bucky grabbed his wrist, pulling him inside. Steve closed the door with his foot.   
“Hey Stevie.” Bucky said lightly.   
“Hello James.” Steve teased. He stood on his toes, and Bucky's eyes closed. Wanda couldn't see anything, but she knew they were kissing. Bucky's eyes opened, as he picked up Steve. He carried him to his bed. Bucky pulled off Steve's shirt, and Steve pulled off his. Bucky started trailing kisses down Steve's neck. He pulled away, and hovered over Steve's face.  
“Do you want this?” He asked. Steve blushed, then smiled.  
“I want you Buck.” Steve said. “Please, I want you.”  
“Oh you'll get me.” Bucky said.

Wanda opened her eyes. She'd seen something she knew she wasn't supposed to. She looked up at Bucky, who smiled lightly. His eyes had glazed over, but he wasn't crying anymore.  
“What was it?” Peter asked. Wanda just shook her head. She pulled her hand off Bucky's, it took a few minutes but, his eyes eventually cleared.  
“What the—” He stammered. “What was that?”  
“I played one of you favorite memories.” Wanda said.   
“You didn't see anything? Did you?” Bucky blushed furiously.   
“No.” Wanda said frantically. Bucky's cheeks got redder. He opened his mouth, but Wanda cut him off. “I didn't see anything bad, I swear.”  
“Thank god.” Bucky whispered, but his cheeks were still red. They finished their pizza in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanda's a good bro. There's not much else I wanna say. Well sorry for the angst. See you guys soon!


	14. Not. Dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehhehe

Steve had been in this cell for what felt like weeks. He'd been captured, moments after Natasha left. He wondered everyday if she'd really made it out. But he also was always thinking about Bucky. He missed him so much. He couldn't even imagine what he was currently going through. Steve get awful. He'd been stupid, and let himself be captured. The cell door opened. This happened everyday, at random times. The guards would come in and beat him senseless. Just like the jocks used to. They'd kick his sides, and ribs. They'd drive their feet into his stomach. But they'd never hit his face. Just his body. And he couldn't do anything to stop it. He just curled into a ball on the ground and let the guards beat him. When he slept he'd have dreams of Bucky. Pleasant dreams, ones of his kisses, and the way his metal arm felt. The way his smile was a little lopsided. How his hair fell loose around his face. He missed him so much. And when he'd wake up, he'd still be in a small, cold cell. Sleeping on a small slab in the corner. A small tray of bread pieces, and a small cup of water placed in the cell everyday, but only enough to keep him alive. He knew he'd die eventually, if he didn't do something. He'd analyzed the guard rotation, particularly. It seemed to be random, but he recognized most of the guards from other days. If he could just get them distracted, by something outside, when the cell door was open, he could get out. But he knew he had no one on the outside. No one close enough that is. Natasha, Sam, and Tony would've gone back to New York by now. And they had no allies in the region. Even if he could just get to his shield. If he had his shield, he'd have a better chance of breaking out. But even with his shield, this underground complex was a totally maze of corridors. He would easily get lost, and probably then killed. He lay back on the slab. The cell door opened. He sat up. This was unusual. Guards had just been here. He wasn't expecting to seem them for at least another two hours. He had hoped to maybe get some sleep, but now a masked guard stepped into the cell, handcuffs in hand. Where the hell could they be taking him? The guard ordered him to put his hands behind his back, and they cuffed him. The guard held the middle of the cuffs and Steve's shoulder and half dragged him out of the cell. His whole body hurt. He could barely move. He almost collapsed from the pain. The guard shoved him down the hall into an elevator. Inside the elevator, propped against the wall was his shield. He couldn't believe it. The guard walked in behind him, and closed the doors, and pressed the button for the top floor, the one above ground. The guard then went about unlocking Steve's handcuffs. Steve immediately grabbed his shield, and pressed it against the guard throat.   
“Who the hell are you?” Steve growled.   
“A friend.” The guards eyes twinkled. Steve immediately recognized the voice.  
“Nat?” He croaked. “I thought you guys had left.”  
“We'd never leave you.” Natasha said, Steve couldn't see it but he knew she was smiling. The elevator door opened. A three guards stood by the exit. They saw Steve, and shouted, they aimed their guns at them and fired. Steve deflected the bullets with his shield, before throwing it. The shield hit the wall to their left, before hitting all three guards, and ricocheting back to Steve off the right wall. Steve and Natasha bolted for the door. They stepped outside, and the daylight almost blinded Steve. Natasha ran around a corner, and Steve followed her. She ran around the other side of a cliff face. Steve could hear the sirens going off from the facility. He rounded the corner, and saw the quinjet. He basically threw himself into the jet, as the door closed, and the jet took off. Steve lay panting on the floor. Natasha kneeling next to him. He sat up and she tackled him in a hug.  
“Ow, fuck, Nat stop please.” Steve groaned.   
“Oh god. I'm so sorry. It's just—” She swallowed. “you're alive.”  
“I'm alive.” Steve repeated, as if even he didn't believe it.   
“Yeah you are.” Sam said, from the cockpit.  
“Good to see ya Cap.” Tony called.   
“Nice to see you guys too.” Steve said, and collapsed back on the floor. Tears started to trail his cheeks. He cried, hard. He was free. Steve had never been more relieved. He was going home. Back to New York. Back to Bucky He would have so much to apologize for. He just wanted to kiss Bucky. To be held by him. To let his warmth warm him.   
“Nat, check Steve's vitals.” Tony said. Natasha grabbed a device from a small cabinet. Steve let her scan him. The device gave immediate results.  
“Tons of bruising. But a possible broken rib or two.” Natasha said, and sat next to Steve.   
“Ok.” Tony nodded. Steve just cried. No one said anything about it. Natasha's hand found his, and her presence made him cry a little lighter. But it was too much. Too much at once. His body ached.   
“Nat?” He sobbed.   
“Yes.” Nat said.  
“How long was I gone?” Steve asked, his voice shaking.  
“Five or six weeks.” Natasha said softly.  
“Oh god.” Steve cried harder. “I've left Bucky for that long? I'm awful.”   
“No you're not Steve.” Natasha said, she put her other hand on his head. “You save my life. You save all our lives. If you hadn't held them back, we all would've been captured. You saved us all.”  
“But I was gone for so long.” Steve said. “I told Bucky I wouldn't leave him. That I'd come back. And I am but I was gone for so long. I'm not sure if he's ok.” His tears started to pool on the floor. Natasha placed a light, sisterly kiss on his forehead.   
“You're not awful.” Natasha said. “I'm sure he misses you, but he'll understand Steve. I know he will.” Natasha looked down at Steve, he'd fallen asleep. Natasha didn't let go of his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, he's not dead.... hooray! soon steve and bucky will be back together.... hooray! this story is going in the right direction.... hooray! hope you enjoyed this chapter, see ya soon!!


	15. Reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!

Bucky was laying on the couch, scrolling through his phone. It was about 6:00 pm, and he was bored. He hadn't slept well for the past few weeks. He was going to close his eyes but he heard the elevator door open.  
“Wanda is it really necessary for you to keep checking up on me?” Bucky groaned. “You've been doing this for the past several weeks. I can take care of myself.”  
“I know.” It wasn't Wanda's voice. The voice made Bucky's heart race, he sat up. Steve stood in front of the elevator. His Cap uniform dirty, and cut up. He looked weak, and fragile. Bucky slowly stood up. He walked over to Steve slowly, tears welling up in his eyes.   
“Stevie?” Bucky asked weakly.  
“It's me Buck.” Steve took Bucky's flesh hand, and placed it over his heart.  
“Oh god Steve.” Bucky pulled Steve into his arms. They both burst into tears. Steve gripped Bucky's shirt, collapsing into his arms. “I thought I lost you.” Bucky said between sobs.   
“I'm here, Buck.” Steve said. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's rib cage, and Steve screamed in pain.  
“Oh god, Steve?” Bucky said, as Steve whimpered. Bucky picked Steve up, bridal style, and carried him to their room. He sat him on the bed, and knelt in front of him. “What's wrong.”  
“The bruises.” Steve said. Bucky helped him out of his uniform, so that he was just wearing his boxers. Bucky gasped at the sight of Steve. His body was covered in bruises, and cuts. The bruises were a dark shade of purple, and some of the cuts were still fresh.   
“Oh god, Stevie.” Bucky cried harder. “What did they do to you. What did they do.” He wrapped Steve in his arms, and held him. Steve cried into Bucky's shirt. He did his best to avoid his bruises. He pulled back, and went and grabbed gauze and a wet cloth. He gently dabbed the cloth on Steve's cuts. Then he wrapped the gauze around the middle of his rib cage, down to his mid waist, for that where the longest cuts were. He wrapped some more of the gauze around his biceps, where there were more cuts. Bucky tied off the ends. He took Steve's hand, and gently kissed it.   
“I'm sorry Buck.” Steve said between sobs. “I'm so so sorry.”  
“It's not your fault Stevie.” Bucky said, he placed his flesh hand on Steve's cheek. “Don't ever blame yourself. I know what happened, and I know that you did your best. You saved Natasha, and Tony and Sam. You saved their lives. Don't blame yourself for being away for a few weeks. It's those bastards that did this to you, that are to blame.” Bucky wrapped a blanket around Steve's shoulders. Steve pulled it tightly around his body. Bucky kissed his forehead, sweetly.  
“Will you kiss me?” Steve asked.  
“Why wouldn't I?” Bucky smiled, and brough their lips together for the first time in weeks. Their kiss was tender and soft. Bucky let himself melt into the kiss. It wasn't aggressive, or hungry, it was just warming. Bucky pulled away, and Steve laid down. Bucky laid next to him, and wrapped his arms around his waist.   
“I love you Buck.” Steve whispered.  
“I love you Stevie.” Bucky kissed Steve's cheek. Steve fell asleep. Bucky's phone buzzed. It was Wanda.  
Surprise  
Bucky: You knew!?  
Wanda: He stopped at my room before going to yours.  
Bucky: Oh  
Wanda: How is he?  
Bucky: They beat him up.  
Wanda: Oh my god!  
Bucky: Yeah. He's sleeping now.  
Wanda: Ok, good. You take good care of him.  
Bucky: What do you think I've been doing for the past eternity!  
Bucky put his phone on the bedside table. He snuggled up closer against Steve. He was sure that this time he'd lost him. But he hadn't. He'd never been happier. But he also was hurt, he was hurt because Steve was hurt. Because those people who'd kept him, had hurt him. They'd hurt his Steve. Tears fell down Bucky's face. Just the thought of Steve in any pain made him want to cry. He wanted to protect Steve from everything. To make sure he was never put in harm's way. To hold him forever, to never let go. He was afraid of he let Steve go, he'd never get him back again. He closed his eyes, and fell asleep. 

Bucky walked up the stairs. The stairs that were lined with black flowers. He was dressed in a black tux. He realized he was carrying something on his shoulders. A black box. A big black box. He looked behind him and saw Sam, and Tony also carrying the box. He realized it was a coffin. He realized that Sam and Tony were crying. He stepped into the chapel. There wasn't many people there. They walked down the aisle slowly. The placed the coffin at the end of the aisle. Once putting it down. He realized Natasha, Wanda, and Clint were also carrying the coffin. Where was Steve? He looked around, but didn't see him. They all sat in the front row, and the preacher stepped up to a podium.  
“The lost of Steve Rogers…” The preacher continued taking but Bucky's ears were ringing. Steve was dead? So, that means, that was his coffin he was carrying. Steve was in there. Dead. Bucky screamed. When he screamed the dream melted, and he felt pressure on his chest. His eyes opened. Steve's face hovered above his. He could feel on of his arms at the base of his throat, and the other pinning down his metal arm. Steve was smart when it came to holding him down. He removed his arm from Bucky's throat, and took his flesh hand in his. Steve pressed Bucky's flesh hand against his heart, so he could feel it beat. So he knew he was there.   
“Oh god Steve.” Bucky said, tears coming down his cheeks.   
“I'm here.” Steve cooed. “It's ok. I'm here.” He laid back down next to Bucky. He propped his head on his hand, so he could look at Bucky.  
“You're getting better at holding me down.” Bucky smiled slightly.  
“I missed this.” Steve whispered.  
“Being woken up in the middle of the night by your emotional unstable fiancé?” Bucky asked.  
“No.” Steve said slowly. “Being pulled out of a bad dream, to save the most beautiful man in the world.” Steve tapped the tip of Bucky's nose.  
“I was carrying a coffin.” Bucky said. “Your coffin. I'd lost you. Without being able to say goodbye. Just placed in a box.”  
“I'm here Buck.” Steve placed his hand on Bucky's cheek. His thumbs made small circles on Bucky's cheek.   
“I know.” Bucky held onto Steve's wrist.  
“I missed you.” Steve whispered. “I've missed waking up next to you, missed walking with you, missed talking with you, missed kissing you. I love you so, so much Bucky. I want to love you forever, and never stop loving you. I will never stop loving you. When I was in that cell, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought that I had promised to come back to you. I made a promise, and I hate breaking promises. So here's my promise to you, I will always, always come back to you, James Buchanan Barnes, I promise I will.” Steve gently brushed aside a strand of Bucky's hair. He ran his thumb against Bucky's cheek, wiping away the tears.   
“You came back.” Bucky said, a small smile on his face.  
“I'll always come back.” Steve leaned forward, and kissed Bucky's forehead. Bucky sighed, and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're back together again! hooray! i want peter and wanda's friendship to go somewhere but idk.


	16. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Welcome back to another chapter! Sharon returns in this one. Sorry.

Bucky woke up the next morning around nine. Steve was still sound asleep next to him. He got up slowly, and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, before he tiptoed out the door to avoid waking him. He closed the bedroom door behind him. Bucky had slept well after his nightmare. It was the first night that he'd actually gotten good sleep. Bucky wanted to see Natasha. He'd missed her too. He got in the elevator and went down to her floor. The elevator door opened.  
“Nat?” Bucky called.   
“Who is it?” Nat called back from a different room.  
“Bucky.” Bucky responded. Natasha came around the corner, she was wearing sweatpants and a sports bra, her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She walked, threw her arms around him.   
“Oh god Bucky.” She said, Bucky wrapped his arms around her. She pulled away and slapped him. “DON’T YOU DARE SCARE ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!” Bucky just stared at her in silence, before he wrapped his arms around her again.  
“I missed you.” He said, she wrapped her arms around him.   
“Missed you too Barnes.” Natasha sighed. “But if you ever scare me like that again.”  
“You're slaps fucking hurt.” Bucky said, pulling back.   
“That's the point.” Natasha patted his cheek.   
“You saved him, didn't you.” Bucky said.  
“Yeah.” Natasha shied away.  
“Thank you.” Bucky said, tears starting to trail down his cheeks. “Thank you so much.”  
“I couldn't leave him there.” Natasha said. “He means to much to me, and too much to you. I also couldn't watch you suffer, because you mean a lot to me too. Plus, he's been wanting to marry you for a long time.” She winked. Bucky blushed.   
“You really care about me?” Bucky asked.  
“Really.” Natasha smiled. Bucky hugged her again.   
“You're the best.” Bucky said.  
“I know.” Nat laughed, she pulled back. “Now go back to Steve, he'll have a panic attack if you're not there when he wakes up.”  
“Right.” Bucky got into the elevator. “Thank you.” The door closed. It opened on their living room. Bucky walked back to the bedroom, where Steve was just waking up.   
“Morning.” Bucky smiled at Steve.  
“Morning.” Steve mumbled, half awake.   
“How are you feeling?” Bucky asked, sitting in the edge of the bed.  
“Kinda awful.” Steve admitted. “I feel sore. I guess that many blows to my body is slowing down my healing process.”  
“Ok.” Bucky took Steve's hand and gently kissed it. “We'll take it easy today then.”  
“Will you be able to do that?” Steve asked jokingly.   
“Shut up, Punk.” Bucky teased. He leaned forward and locked their lips. A sweet loving kiss. Steve started laughing. Bucky pulled back and gave him a sideways look.   
“What?” Bucky asked.  
“You're an ex-assassin, and you're so damn sweet.” Steve laughed. “I love that about you. You don't let your past define who you want to be.”  
“I can't let it define me.” Bucky shrugged. “I don't want to be an assassin.” He laughed lightly, and kissed Steve again. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck. Bucky placed his hands on Steve's waist.   
“You need to shower though.” Bucky laughed into the kiss.  
“I was going to do that, but then you just started kissing me, sooo…” Steve shrugged.  
“Go shower then.” Bucky shifted on the bed, and Steve got up, he blew Bucky a kiss, before walking out the door. Bucky laid on the bed. He just stared at the ceiling. He heard the shower turn on.   
“Are you just gonna lay there?” Steve asked, he'd re-appeared in the doorway.  
“Do you want me to go somewhere else?” Bucky propped himself up on his elbows.  
“Maybe.” Steve bit his lip. Bucky got up and kissed Steve. Steve pulled Bucky into the bathroom and shut the door. 

It was around noon, and Steve had passed out. His body was just exhausted from trying to heal all those cuts and bruises. Bucky could tell, because the second Steve had laid down, he fell into a deep sleep. Bucky gently laid a blanket over him. He jot down a quick note on a piece of paper:  
In the workout room  
-Bucky  
He got in the elevator, and went down to the workout room. He got there, and stretched briefly, before getting on the treadmill. He started out jogging. He quickly worked up to a sprint. He ran so fast the treadmill could barely keep up. He let his angry fuel him. The anger he felt towards HYDRA, the anger he felt towards Sharon, and especially the anger he felt towards the people who held Steve hostage. He let all that rage course through his body. He was panting, gasping for air, but he was going so fast. He let himself adjust back to a light jog. He ran for about two hours. Running until he couldn't breathe. He got off, and drank some water. He gasped for air. He let himself catch his breath, before getting back on the treadmill. He jogged. He kept a steady pace until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He stopped running to see Wanda standing there.   
“Hey.” Bucky said panting.  
“Hi.” Wanda smiled. “You look better.”  
“Well I got good sleep for the first time in weeks.” Bucky said smiling.  
“No.” Wanda shook her head playfully. “You look better. As in not broken. Your eyes lost that twinkle, and now it's back. And your smile doesn't seem forced, it's genuine.”  
“I feel like I got a part of myself back.” Bucky sighed.  
“It's good to have the real you back.” Wanda patted his shoulder.   
“It's good to be back.” Bucky smiled, and grabbed his water. He went back to his floor. When he got there Steve was still sleeping. He smiled to himself. He gently kissed Steve's forehead, and crumpled up the note he'd left earlier. Steve's phone rang. Bucky panicked, he picked up the phone, he didn't recognize the number, so he canceled the call. But the phone rang again. He canceled it again. But the same number rang again, this time he answered.  
“Hello?” Bucky said.  
“Steve?” A woman's voice came through the phone.  
“Excuse me who is this?” Bucky asked.  
“It's Sharon. We need to talk Steve.” Her voice filled Bucky with rage. How dare she call.  
“About?” Bucky asked, trying not to sound to pissed off.  
“James.” Sharon said. She surprisingly sounded calm.   
“What about him?” Bucky said, a little snarky.  
“He's not good for you.” Sharon started. “He's dangerous. He's an assassin for god sake, and—”  
“Ex-assassin.” Bucky cut in.  
“Whatever.” Sharon continued. “He has enough training to easily kill you. He's wanted in some countries. He's deadly. He's killed dozens of people. He's a bad person. He's bad for you. Just leave him, and let the government take care of him. They'll most like take him away, and you'll never see him again. I know you only care because you think he's your old pal from the 1940s but he's not. So just leave.” Bucky could feel the hot prick of tears in his eyes. He knew that if he said anything, his voice would come out shakey.   
“Buck?” Steve mumbled. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Who ya talking to?” Bucky put a finger to his lips.  
“You still there?” Sharon asked.  
“You think, that if Steve left me, he'd come for you?” Bucky asked.   
“Wait, James?” Sharon croaked.   
“Yeah bi—” Steve took the phone from Bucky.   
“Sharon what the hell?” Steve barked. “What'd you say to him.”  
“Only the truth.” Sharon said. “That he's dangerous, and deadly, and should be given to the government so they can take him away. And that you should just leave him.”  
“You.” Steve snarled. “How dare you. You need to stop, stop all this. I don't need you in my life. Let me rephrase that. We don't need you in our life. I love Bucky, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that.”  
“Do you need to see his records?” Sharon said. “He's killed dozens and dozens of innocent people, innocent!”  
“I know what's happened.” Steve snapped. “But its in the past, and that wasn't him. I wish I could make things right. To fix this, but I can't.”  
“Oh, but you can.” Sharon cooed, her voice dripping with satisfaction. “Just turn him in. Let the government handle him. He'll be marked dead, as in dead in 1944. They'll get the press to make up some story about how it was all fake. It'll be as if the Winter Soldier never existed.”  
“But what about Bucky?” Steve's voice was hard.   
“He'll be taken away.” Sharon said nonchalantly. “Probably put in some high tech facility. Or killed. Or both. Either way he'll be gon—” Steve hung up. He was not in the mood to deal with snarky, jealous bitches. Bucky had sat down on the couch and was casually playing with a double edged knife, Steve had no idea where he got it from. Steve sat next to Bucky.   
“She's a bitch.” Bucky mumbled.   
“You ok?” Steve asked.  
“Yeah.” Bucky said lightly. “How are you feeling?”  
“Better.” Steve said. “Much better.”  
“Good.” Bucky twirled the knife between his fingers.   
“Where'd you get that?” Steve asked.  
“Get what?” Bucky continued to twirl the knife.   
“The knife!” Steve exclaimed.   
“Oh.” Bucky shrugged. “The drawer.” He pointed to a small drawer in the coffee table.  
“Why the hell is there a knife in the table?” Steve laughed.  
“Just incase.” Bucky said, he slipped the knife back into the drawer.   
“Ok.” Steve drew out the word. Bucky looked and him, and they both started laughing. Steve gently kissed Bucky's cheek, before putting his head on his shoulder.   
“No ones gonna come for me right?” Bucky mumbled.  
“I'm not sure, Buck.” Steve said.  
“But what if they try to take me away?” Bucky asked.  
“I won't let them.” Steve sighed.  
“But what if—” Steve cut off Bucky's sentence with his lips.   
“No more what ifs. Ok?” Steve whispered.  
“But Steve.” Bucky tried to push Steve away.  
“No buts.” Steve mumbled. Bucky slipped out from under him.   
“Steve I’m being serious.” Bucky said sternly. “If Sharon gets her way, people will come and take me. You understand that right? People who have more power than you do. You won't be able to do anything.” Steve sat up, and looked up at Bucky. Bucky glared back at him, daring him to say something.   
“You're right.” Steve's shoulders sank. “I won't be able to do anything.”  
“I don't want to lose you again.” Bucky's voice shook, on the verge of breaking. Tears brimmed in his eyes.   
“You're not going anywhere.” Steve said softly.   
“You can't promise me that.” Bucky said, shaking his head.  
“I won't. But I will promise you this,” Steve stood, and took Bucky's flesh hand in his. “I will do everything in my power, to make sure you stay by my side.” Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's neck, and buried his face in his shoulder. Steve slid his arms around Bucky's waist.   
“I love you.” Bucky mumbled.  
“I love you more.” Steve sighed contently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sharon returned. But Wanda is still a good bro. And Steve is still a lovely human being. Things will get better, for both Steve and Bucky. I promise. See ya guys soon!


	17. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiii! I know, i'm posting later, but i didn't have my phone for a day ( and i write and post on my phone ) so i couldn't work. But it's back! Whoa, hey i'm posting the 17th chapter on august 17th! that's crazy.

It didn't take long for things to go back to normal. Steve healed quickly, and returned, more or less, to his ordinary self. Except his eyes hadn't exactly regained their shine. They'd broken a piece of him in that cell. Something that would take longer to heal than his cuts and bruises. Bucky could see that. Or he could sense it. Steve was usually good at concealing how he really felt. But Bucky knew something wasn't right. He knew because he'd felt the same way. The same way after he'd escaped HYDRA. And all he wanted to do was put the broken pieces back together. To heal Steve, to make him happy. To bring back the light in his eyes. But he knew he couldn't. He knew that only time would piece together what was broken. It broke him that he couldn't help. He wanted nothing more than to help. To heal. He wanted Steve to be happy. He didn't know what made him happy. What made Steve happy. He heard a knock on the bathroom door. He'd spaced out, in the shower, again.  
“One minute.” He called. He turned off the water. A few minutes later, he walked into the living room wearing sweatpants, and no shirt. Natasha was laying on their couch.  
“Yo.” She called, sitting up. She was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.  
“Hey.” Bucky said, sitting next to her.   
“Where's Steve?” She asked.   
“He went out with Tony earlier.” Bucky said, running his fingers through his still damp hair.   
“Cool.” Natasha said. Bucky was staring blankly at his hand. She could tell something was up, or wrong. She stared at him, head tilted for a moment before speaking. “What’s up man?” Bucky didn’t move. She poked his shoulder lightly. He blinked, and sat up.  
“I’m good.” Bucky flashed her a smile. She knew something was up, but she didn’t wanna push it.  
“Ok, well today me and you are gonna hang because you have been here for like weeks, and you need to do something.” Natasha smiled, and got up. “Come on, me and you.”  
“What’s Wanda doing?” Bucky asked.  
“She’s hanging with Peter Parker.” She shrugged.  
“Just the two of them? Alone?” Bucky asked defensively.  
“Ah, ah, ah.” Natasha chidded. She placed a hand on Bucky’s chest when he tried to get up. “They’re just friends. Nothing is happening.”  
“See that’s what you think.” Bucky said, he gently pushed her hand away.  
“Peter’s a good kid.” Natasha sighed.  
“So was I.” Bucky said flatly.  
“Don't you dare go down their.” Natasha warned.  
“Fine.” Bucky huffed.  
“Good. Now go get dressed.” Natasha lay back on the couch. Bucky wandered back to his bedroom, and lay face first on the bed. He could feel his own broken pieces trying to come back together. Those pieces that had broken years ago. He knew it would never heal. Some had, other hadn't. It hurt. Not a physical hurt, and emotionally, mental hurt. He could hide the pain. It was easy, he had practice. But sometimes it showed. He hated when it showed. It made him feel weak. Exposed. Human. Too human. That was something he still wasn't used to. Feeling human. He was used to feeling like a machine. Nothing more than a tool. To be used, then put away, until needed again. Only a shadow of a human. Only considered ‘human’ by nature, not by people. He'd been a slave to darkness. The feeling of being human was something almost forgotten by him. The feeling of being seen. Someone caring. Someone else's touch. The warmth of someone's body. A pat on the back. A hand being held. A hug. A kiss. All feeling were forgotten. Until Steve came back. He was able to feel Steve's warmth. Feel his touch. Feel their fingers intertwined. Feel his arms around him. Feel their lips pressed together. He'd missed those feelings. He didn't realize how much he'd longed for those feelings, until he had them back. Feeling human was nice, but he still wasn't used to it. There was a knock on the door frame.   
“Hey.” Natasha's voice cut through his thoughts. He didn't move. He felt the edge of the bed sink, and hand was placed on his shoulder.   
“I'm okay.” Bucky mumbled.   
“Bull. Shit.” Natasha said. Bucky rolled over, and sat up.  
“I'm. Fine.” Bucky broke down the words.   
“Don't you dare fucking lie to me.” Natasha said harshly. He glared at her, and she stared back at him. Neither would back down. Natasha wasn't trying to win. She was trying to see what was wrong. Bucky watched her eyes soften. Her look confused him. She seemed to be able to read everything that was wrong. He closed his eyes, and turned away from her.   
“I— I— I understand.” Natasha's words shocked Bucky a little. “They broke something, and it hadn't healed. You doubt it will heal. I know because I feel the same way.” She hugged him. He hugged her. They cried. “Maybe we shouldn't go out today.” Natasha laughed lightly.  
“Maybe not.” Bucky sniffed.

Steve jogged through Central Park. Well it was his version of jogging. He saw Tony in front of him. He was about to lap him. Again. He passed him, and turned around. Still jogging.  
“Come one Rogers.” Tony gasped.  
“Eat my star spangled dust Stark.” Steve laughed. He turned back around, and tripped on a tree root. He fell onto his forearms so as not to break his wrist.  
“Ha!” Tony called, as he ran past Steve. Steve stood up and brushed the dirt off himself. “You're the one eating dust now!”  
“Oh really.” Steve easily caught up to Tony, and pushed him. Tony stumbled, and fell to his knees. “Race you back to the tower.”  
“Oh your on.” Tony sprinted. Steve gave him a full minute of a full start. He quickly caught up to him. Steve made it back to the tower three minutes before Tony.  
“For an old man your pretty fucking fast.” Tony gasped for air. They rode the elevator up in silence. Steve's stop was first. He got out and waved at Tony. Natasha and Bucky were doing push-ups on the floor.  
“I thought you guys were going out today.” Steve said. It was only noon.  
“Maybe we will, after this.” Natasha responded, still doing push-ups. “I'm currently trying to beat Barnes in a push-up competition.”  
“I can see that.” Steve smiled.  
“Shh!” Bucky hissed. “I'm concentrating.”  
“On what?” Natasha asked.  
“Winning.” Bucky laughed, it was a relief, for both he and Natasha. They laughed harder than they should've. They both collapsed on the floor.   
“Tie?” Natasha asked.  
“Tie.” Bucky agreed. He got up, and stuck his hand out, Natasha took it, he pulled her up.  
“Now go get changed so we can go hang.” Natasha shooed him away, and then turned to Steve. “You need to talk to him, later.”  
“About?” Steve seemed worried.   
“Him.” Natasha said, as if it was obvious. Steve’s expression gave it away that it wasn't obvious. Natasha sighed. “You know, better than anyone, that he is not the same person that he was all those years ago. Something inside never healed, and it hurts him everyday, but he hides it. He hides it because— well, I'm not sure why. But you need to know why, and what. So, talk to him.” Steve processed her words. Then nodded, noticing Bucky had returned, dressed in black jeans and a red zip up sweater over a black shirt. His hair was pulled out of his face in a small bun.  
“Let's go.” Natasha headed too the elevator. Bucky briefly kissed Steve, and joined her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo yeah. Bucky is kinda the angst god. It's just there's so much to build off of. Bye.


	18. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello wonderful people. Here's another angst filled chapter. Sorry. Thank you guys so much for reading!

“Where should we go first?” Natasha asked. The cool air felt nice.   
“Food.” Bucky said. “Definitely food.”  
“Ok.” They walked down the street to a small sandwich shop. They ate and chatted.  
“So.” Natasha drew out the vowel.   
“So what?” Bucky asked, a mouth full of sandwich.  
“Man, I can see why Steve loves you.” Natasha bit into her sandwich again.  
“You can?” Bucky lifted an eyebrow.  
“Oh yeah.” Natasha swallowed.   
“Continue.” Bucky sipped his soda.  
“The way he smiles when he's around you.” Natasha said. “How he kisses you. He didn't kiss me like that.” Natasha brought the straw of her soda to her lips.   
“What!?” Bucky choked.  
“Yeah, yeah.” Natasha took a sip. “We were looking for The Winter Soldier,” Bucky winced at his code name. “people from HYDRA were looking for us, we were going down an escalator, Rumlow was coming up, I turned around told him to kiss me. ‘Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.’ He looked at me crookedly. So I kissed him. And Rumlow didn't recognize us.” Natasha shrugged. Bucky just stared at her, his mouth slightly open.  
“The fuck?” Bucky asked. Natasha laughed, so did Bucky.  
“Can I continue what I was saying before?” She asked.  
“Yeah, yeah go on.” Bucky said.  
“Ok.” Natasha started. “You make him happier than anyone else in the world. He cares so much about you. More than he cares about anyone else. And it's because you bring out the best in him. You're kind, thoughtful, caring, understand, and incredibly strong. Stronger than most, in ways most people overlook, but not Steve. He sees your strengths. But he also sees your struggles, although he doesn't understand. You need to talk to him. About your broken pieces.” Bucky stared at the table. He lightly bit his lower lip.   
“I don't think he'll understand.” He sighed.  
“He'll do his best to try.” Natasha winked. “He's good like that.”   
“Yeah,” Bucky said. “He is.” There was a dead silence between the two. “How can you tell how he cares by the way he kisses me?”  
“Simple things,” Natasha shrugged. “like hand placement, body movement, head angle. You can tell a lot just by studying someone's body language. Like for instance, if you two got into a fight, I would be able to tell, before you told me.”  
“Noted.” Bucky smiled. They finished eating, and decided to just walk around. The weather had started to warm, only slightly. Spring would soon be here. For now they were stuck in the month of March. The month seemed to resemble some sort of importance to Bucky, but he couldn't place it.  
“What's today's date?” He asked Natasha, as they crossed a busy intersection.  
“March— 9th, I think, yeah it is.” Natasha double checked the date on her phone. “Yep, March 9th, why do you ask?”  
“I'm think, I mean I'm pretty sure, tomorrow's my birthday.” Bucky said.   
“Wait, actually.” Natasha asked.  
“Yeah. I mean like I think so.” Bucky sighed. “I can never remember, I know it's stupid but I just can't.” He laughed lightly.   
“Well, you remembered this time.” Natasha smiled at him. “More or less.”  
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled back at her. “I did, didn't I.” The walked around for hours more. Stopping at parks, and some historical marks. Touristy stuff. When Bucky got back to their floor, Steve was reading quietly. He leaned over the couch, and kissed the top of his head.   
“Hey Steve,” Bucky started. “I think tomorrow's my birthday.”  
“March 10th, 1917.” Steve said looking up from his book.  
“I remembered.” Bucky said, mainly to himself.   
“You did.” Steve said, placing the book next to him.   
“S’ everything ok?” Bucky asked, he rolled over the couch, attempting to sit down, but instead fell off onto the floor. He jumped up, brushed himself off, and sat next to Steve.  
“I was actually going to ask you that.” Steve said, he turned to face Bucky. Natasha's words played in Bucky's mind. He'll do his best to try. He's good like that. Bucky inhaled.  
“Everything good.” He lied. The lie burned. It burned all over. He hating lying. Especially to Steve.  
“Really?” Steve voice was soft. He took Bucky's flesh hand in his.  
“Yeah really.” Bucky's voice shook. His lower lip trembled. He could feel the hot prick of tears.  
“Buck.” Steve sounded a little more stern.   
“Everything is fine Steve.” His voice cracked.  
“Don't lie.” Steve said softly.  
“Steve I— everything's—” He broke. Tears rolled down his cheeks. Sobs shook his body. “I'm sorry. Stevie. I'm sorry.” He sobbed.  
“It's ok Buck. It's ok.” Steve cooed. He held onto his hand.  
“It's not.” Bucky sobbed. “I can't keep hiding it from you Stevie. They broke me. Broke me in a way that can't be fixed. The broken pieces hurt. The hurt a lot. But I gotta hide it. It gets in the way of— everything.” He choked out the words.   
“Buck, you can't hide all your feelings.” Steve's voice was quiet. “It's not good. You can talk to me about anything Bucky. And I mean anything.”  
“I can't.” Bucky mumbled. “I love you, so much, but you wouldn't understand.”  
“Try me.” Steve said.  
“What? No.” Bucky swallowed back tears.  
“Yes.” Steve said. “I'll try my best to understand.” He gently brushed the tears off Bucky's face.  
“They broke something inside of me.” Bucky said, tears still spilling from his eyes. “Not something physical, something emotional. Or, I don't know. I don't feel as happy as I used to. I wanna fix whatever is— broken, but I don't know what it is. It hurts, Steve. It hurts.” He hung his head, and sobbed. Steve pulled him into his chest. He gently kissed the top of Bucky's head. He felt his shirt grow wet with tears, but didn't dare move.  
“I love you so much.” Steve whispered. “You are so strong. But you don't have to hide things like this. Please don't hide things like this. Maybe out there you want to. But in here, when's it's just you and me, don't hide it. Please don't. I'll love you no matter what. We can't be strong all the time. I can't be strong all the time, Natasha can't be strong all the time, Wanda can't be strong all the time. It's ok to show your feelings, Buck.” Bucky gripped Steve's shirt. His breaths slowly steadied. He pulled away slightly, and looked up st Steve.  
“Are you sure?” He asked.   
“Positive.” Steve kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sad chapter.


	19. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry it took me so long to update. i've been busy.

Bucky woke to Steve's lips on his cheek. He rolled over slightly and pressed their lips together.  
“Happy” Steve spoke between kisses. “Birthday.”  
“Mmhm.” Bucky smiled into the kiss. “Thank you.”  
“Are you going to get up?” Steve hovered slightly over Bucky.  
“Maybe” Bucky brought their lips together again. “in a little bit.” He bit his lower lip. Steve smirked. They kissed again. 

Half an hour later they both finally got out of bed. They made their way down to the main gathering area. Bucky was greeted by a sisterly kiss on the cheek, from Natasha. He blushed.  
“Happy Birthday Barnes.” She said as she put him into a headlock and tousled his hair.  
“Thanks.” Bucky smiled, as he slipped out of her arm, and pushed her playfully.   
“Wait!” Tony called from the couch. “You mean to tell me that his birthday is not in the middle of winter?” He smirked.  
“You know what Stark?” Bucky said, running his fingers through his hair, to return it to a less chaotic state.   
“It is kinda cold out.” Sam jumped in, grinning.   
“I think I saw a snowflake this morning.” Wanda smiled.  
“You're all dead.” Bucky laughed.   
“Happy Birthday.” Wanda came up and hugged Bucky.  
“Thank you.” He hugged her back.   
“Yeah Happy Birthday.” Sam called. “How old are you anyway?”  
“Ummmm.” Bucky thought it over. “Like 101, or something like that. I'm not sure.”  
“101!” Tony yelled, nearly falling off the couch. “What the fuck! You look younger than me.”  
“And hotter.” Bucky said smirking.  
“Mmmmm, debatable.” Tony said getting up.  
“Mmmmm, not really.” Bucky flashed him a charming smile.   
“Fuck you.” Tony grumbled.  
“It's true.” Bucky said.  
“I'm with Barnes on this one.” Natasha said, sipping her coffee.  
“Oh don't you start.” Tony turned and pointed a finger a her.  
“Me too.” Steve said, wrapping his arm around Bucky's shoulders.  
“Well, that would make sense now wouldn't it.” Tony turned back to face him.  
“Mhm, how?” Steve kissed Bucky's cheek.  
“Hm, let's see.” Tony paced slowly, as if giving a presentation. “You've loved him since the 19— mhmmm— 30s, I wanna say. So you loved him when it was illegal to love him. Which clearly means something. And I know you guys sleep together. AND YOU’RE FUCKING ENGAGED. So yeah.” Tony placed his hand behind his back, clearly satisfied with himself. Steve nodded.  
“Not bad Stark.” Steve tried so hard to keep a straight face.  
“Thank you. Thank you.” Tony bowed.  
“Except, I loved him first.” Bucky kissed Steve. Tony gagged. They didn't break their kiss.   
“Ok, ok break it up.” Tony sighed.   
“Please do. I'm gonna vomit.” Sam groaned. Wanda flicked her wrist, and the two lovers were separated.   
“Thank you!” Tony sighed. “Now I don't have to run to the trash can.” Wanda winked.   
“I hate you.” Bucky grumbled.  
“We should go out for lunch.” Sam said. “To celebrate the old man.”  
“Oh yes!” Natasha clapped excitedly.  
“No.” Bucky groaned.  
“Yes!” Natasha and Wanda said in unison.  
“No.” Bucky repeated.  
“Yes!” The girls repeated.  
“Come on Buck.” Steve smiled.  
“Fine.” Bucky sighed.  
“Ok, go get ready guys.” Natasha said. “We should leave within the next hour or so.”  
“Wait what time is it?” Bucky asked.  
“Like 11:12.” Natasha said. Bucky and Steve exchanged a smirk.  
“Ok.” Bucky said. “See you guys soon.” When they reached their floor, they both started laughing.  
“11:12!” Bucky laughed.  
“Well we were—” Steve paused. “—busy.” They both blushed furiously.   
“I love being busy.” Bucky smirked, and kissed Steve.  
“We have to shower, and get changed.” Steve said into the kiss.  
“Mmhm.” Bucky tilted his head. “Sounds great.”

Everyone met downstairs within an hour. Steve had put on a blue flannel, and black slacks. Bucky was wearing a black t-shirt, a black zip up, and black jeans. They stood hand in hand, along with Wanda, Natasha, and Sam. They were all waiting for Tony.   
“Where the fuck is he?” Natasha groaned.  
“Language.” Steve blurted.  
“Really Steve?” Bucky raised an eyebrow. “You're gonna say that, with your dirty mouth?” He winked.  
“Barnes!” Natasha covered Wanda's ears. “There's a child!”  
“Yeah, stop.” Steve was as red as a tomato.  
“You didn't stop earlier.” Bucky teased.   
“BARNES!” Natasha yelled. “STOP!”  
“Yes. Please.” Sam groaned.   
“That's what Steve said.” Bucky smirked.   
“STEVE!” Natasha pushed harder on Wanda's ears. “MAKE HIM STOP!”   
“Steve didn't want me to stop.” Bucky continued.  
“BARNES!” Natasha glared at him.  
“Buck.” Steve drew out the vowel.  
“Steve.” Bucky said.  
“Barnes stop.” Sam sighed.  
“Can you let go of my head?” Wanda said, little too loud.  
“No.” Natasha shouted. “Not till Barnes stops!”  
“What?” Wanda yelled.  
“Bucky please.” Steve groaned.  
“Fine.” Bucky crossed his arms. Steve kissed his cheek. The elevator door opened on Tony.   
“Hey.” He said. Natasha removed her hands from Wanda's ears.  
“Ow.” Wanda rubbed her ears.  
“What'd I miss?” Tony asked. “Why did you have your hands over Wanda's ear? Why does Barnes seem frustrated, and why does Steve look like a fucking tomato?”  
“Ummm, no.” Natasha sighed. “There's a reason Wanda's ear were covered.”  
“Tell me later.” Tony winked at Natasha.   
“Let's go.” Steve said, trying desperately to change the subject. He grasped Bucky's hand.  
“Yes, let's.” Natasha said quickly. She lightly pushed Wanda along.   
“What happened?” Tony asked, nudging Steve. He was still to embarrassed. He said nothing. “Okay.”

They went to a small diner about three blocks away. They were seated at a circular booth by a window. From left to right they were seated; Steve, Bucky, Wanda, Natasha, Sam, and finally Tony. Bucky leaned slightly on Steve, who's face had returned to its normal shade. They ordered food, and laughed at each other's jokes and stories.   
“Guys.” Wanda said, seizing the groups attention. “Um,” She froze, Bucky gave her an encouraging smile. “Um yeah, I—” She pulled out an envelope from her pocket. “This is for you.” She handed t to Bucky with a smile.  
“Thanks.” He smiled, and carefully opened it. He took out the card. It was simple, a white base with colorful balloons, the words ‘Happy Birthday,’ written at the bottom. He opened it and a folded paper fell out. He caught it. He read the card silently to himself.  
“What does it say?” Tony pressed. Bucky cleared his throat.  
“Dear Bucky,” He began. “You are an amazing human being. You're kind, funny, and strong. And you're good a braiding. Maybe one day I'll teach you how to draw. With love, Wanda.” He smiled, and hugged Wanda.   
“Look at the paper.” She smiled. He opened the stiff paper that had fallen earlier. It was the picture of him and Steve, the one she'd draw months ago. Steve sitting on the couch, sketchbook on his lap, his hand outstretched, touching the end of Bucky's nose. He smiled even bigger, and hugged her again.  
“Thank you.” He said.  
“My turn.” Sam said, he passed a card over the table. The front said, ‘Next time, I won't forget the poison.’ Bucky laughed. He opened the card.  
“Dear Barnes, we haven't killed each other yet, so, yeah, let's keep it going. Sam.” Bucky smiled. “Thank man.” Sam winked.  
“Happy Birthday.” Steve slipped Bucky an envelope.   
“Please,” Sam warned. “don't read his out loud.” He gave Bucky a knowing glance.  
“Noted.” Bucky smiled. He opened the envelope. The card inside was decorated with a single heart. It made Bucky smiled. He opened the card. Steve's delicate handwriting littered the page. He read the card to himself.

Dear Buck,  
Happy Birthday. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I love you so much, more than you'll ever know. You're an incredible person. You've been through so much, and the fact that you came out still a fun outgoing guy is incredible. You are strong then you give yourself credit for. You are kind, funny, goofy, talented, loving and so so loved. You deserve to be happy everyday. Happy Birthday, I love you so much.  
With love,  
Your Stevie.

Bucky's eyes welled with tears. He smiled. He hugged Steve tightly. He heard a soft ‘aw’ from Natasha and Wanda. He pulled away from Steve, leaving a huge wet mark on his shirt. He kissed him. From another table they heard snickers. Bucky broke their kiss to search for who ever was laughing. At a table across the restaurant, was a group of five earlier twenties looking boys. They continued to snicker, as the whole booth gave them annoyed looks.  
“Look at the queers.” One boy remarked and his friends all laughed. Bucky slid out the booth, despite Steve's pleas to do otherwise.  
“You find something funny?” Bucky asked, one eyebrow raised.  
“Yeah, fairy.” Another boy laughed, the word stung Bucky. “You and your pal over there.”  
“And?” Bucky pressed.  
“It's just fun to laugh at a bunch of f*gs.” A third boy joined in. They all laughed.  
Steve had been intently watching the confrontation, waiting. He listened to what the boys said, and how Bucky responded, focusing on his tone, his body language. Natasha saw the trigger being pulled before he did.  
“Steve.” She said. Steve got up. Bucky clenched his fist. He punched the one kid, with his flesh arm. His nose immediately started bleeding. Steve caught Bucky's metal arm before he broke the kids skull. Bucky whipped around, his eyes had glazed over.  
“James.” Steve growled through his teeth. Wanda was at Steve side in a second. She immediately sent warm memories to the front of Bucky's mind. His eyes cleared. He looked at Steve, then Wanda, then the kid with the bleeding nose, than back at Steve. He pulled his arm from Steve's grip, before running out of the restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, people are mean. sorry. i'll hopefully get back into a habit of updating more consistently. i have a nine hour car ride on friday, so hopefully i'll get a lot of writing done. bye for now.


	20. Happy Birthday (pt. 2 )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! How are you? ready for the next chapter? hope you are!

“Buck!” Steve called out, but he was too late. He tried to go after him, but Natasha caught his wrist. He turned on her. “Let go.”  
“No.” She said firmly. Steve knew not to cross her, but he was worried, and angry. Emotions clouded his better judgment.  
“Natasha, let go of my arm.” He said firmly. Sparks flew between to two as they stared each other down. Steve in the end turned to the boys. “Don't you ever, insult me or anyone I care about ever again. You got it?”  
“Fuck you.” The boy with the bloody nose whined.  
“You want you skull broken, son?” Steve asked. Fear slowly crept into the boys eyes, when he realized Steve wasn't joking.  
“N-no sir.” He stammered.   
“Good.” Steve snarled. “Then leave.” The five boys hurriedly left the restaurant. Steve turned back to Natasha, who still held onto his wrist. He ripped his hand away.  
“Steve, don't.” Natasha warned. “Let me.”  
“Why.” He glared at her.  
“Because, he can't bare to face you when you're disappointed in him.” She said, her voice soft. Steve's expression softened. It hurt him, because she was probably right. He was disappointed. And he didn't want to hurt Bucky, because of how disappointed he was. He nodded, and hung his head. Natasha gave his shoulder a soft squeeze, before exiting the restaurant. Steve and Wanda returned to the booth. Steve slouched in his seat, he hung his head trying to hide the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. Wanda wrapped her arm around his shoulders. Tears trailed down his face. They all sat in silence. 

Natasha stepped into Steve and Bucky's living room. She could hear muffled sobs coming from another room. She quietly walked through the room, to the bedroom door. She could hear the sobs coming from inside the room. She turned the nob, and the door slowly opened. Bucky lay face down, head buried in a pillow. His arms tucked under the pillow. Natasha sat on the edge of the bed. Bucky flinched, only slightly, he clearly realized there was no threat. She placed a hand on his shoulder. The sobs continued. After a few minutes, Bucky rolled over onto his back. His eyes were red and puffy. Tears still rolled down his cheeks.  
“I fucked up again.” He said through tears. “I always lose it. And it's not even over anything important.”  
“It's clearly important to you.” Natasha said softly.   
“It shouldn't be.” Bucky groaned. “I shouldn't care that much about what people say about me.”  
“You're allowed to care.” Natasha took his hand in hers. “You come from a time where you couldn't be accepted before. You're sick and tired of being treated differently, or being laughed at. You're allowed to take a stand.”  
“Not in the way I do.” Bucky shook his head. “I can't just keep attacking people. I just get so mad. I can't control myself. And now Steve's mad.” Bucky pulled his hand back, rolled back over, and re buried his head in his pillow. He sobbed into it. Natasha realized that nothing broke him more than disappointing Steve. She placed her hand on his back. She sat with him for a long while. Just being there, while he cried. She'd been there almost an hour, when Steve appeared in the doorway. Bucky had fallen silent, but Natasha knew he wasn't ready to get up. She squeezed his hand, and walked out to talk to Steve.  
“He's just really upset.” Natasha said. “He hates making you mad. But he'll be ok.”  
“Thank Nat.” Steve smiled weakly. She left, and Steve went and sat on the edge of the bed. “Hey Buck.” He said lightly.  
“I'm sorry.” Bucky said, his voice muffled by the pillow.   
“Don't be.” Steve whispered. “That guy deserved it.” He laughed lightly. Steve rolled Bucky over, and kissed him. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's neck. Steve dug his fingers into Bucky's sides, causing him to laugh into the kiss.   
“Stop.” Bucky said laughing. “Steve, Steve.” Steve wiggled his fingers, causing Bucky to trash with fits of laughter.  
“Stop.” Bucky giggled, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks. Steve kissed him, but Bucky pushed him away. “Stop, let me— let me catch my breath.” He panted. Steve laughed. After a minute, Bucky connected their lips. He let the kiss warm him. Steve pulled away, and smiled down at him.  
“What?” Bucky asked, but Steve just kissed him again, still smiling. “What?” Bucky asked, pushing Steve off of him. Steve fell onto the floor. Bucky laid on his stomach, and peered over the bed, looking down at his fiancé.  
“You're beautiful.” Steve said smiling. Bucky felt his face get hot.  
“Are you ok?” Bucky asked.  
“Why?” Steve said, still smiling.  
“You fell onto the floor.” Bucky remarked.  
“Oh, yeah, I'm fine.” Steve smile never wavered. “It's just, you're beautiful.”  
“Stop.” Bucky said, his face turning bright red.   
“It's true.”  
“Stop, Stevie.”  
“You're beautiful, b e a u t i f u l.” Steve spelled out the word.  
“S t o p , S t e v e.” Bucky smirked down at him.  
“Nope.” Steve said.  
“Please.” Bucky begged, batting his eyes.  
“Kiss me, and maybe I'll stop.” Steve said, sitting up. Bucky kissed him.   
“Eh-hm.” Someone cleared their throat. Bucky pulled away, and looked over at the door. Sam was standing there, leaning against the door frame.  
“Hey.” Bucky waved.  
“Are you guys gonna come down, or what?” Sam asked.  
“For?” Bucky pressed.  
“Just come down.” Sam said, leaving.  
“Should we go?” Bucky asked.  
“Probably.” Steve shrugged.  
“Ok.” Bucky got up. “I'll go fix” he pointed at his face. “this.” He went to the bathroom, and splashed cold water on his face. Rubbing at his eyes, trying to make it no so obvious that he'd been crying. He turned off the water, and dried his face. He placed his hands on the edges of sink, and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were rimmed with red. His eyebrows a mess from rubbing his face. His hair, frizzed around his head. He pulled his shirt off. His finger traced the edges of his metallic limb. Where flesh met metal. There were scratches all around the fusion, placed where he'd tried to claw the arm off. He took a step back and stared at himself. What was he? There was a knock at the door.  
“Buck?” Steve asked softly. “You all good?”  
“Yes.” Bucky replied, trying desperately to keep his quivering voice under control. He wasn't going to cry. Not again. He swallowed back the tears, and pulled his t-shirt on over his head. Pulling his hair into a mess knot, he opened the door and smiled at Steve.   
“Ready?” He asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve returned his smile. 

When they reached the main gathering area, all the lights were out.   
“Hello?” Steve called. The lights flicked on. The room was decorated with balloons and streamers. Wanda, Natasha, Sam, and Tony stood in the middle of the room, along with Thor, Clint, Maria Hill, Pepper, Rhodey, Peter, and two people Bucky didn't recognize. One was a brown haired woman, who stood next to Thor. His girlfriend maybe? The other was a tall, slender raven, leaning against a wall. He was light in complextion, his hair just touched his shoulders. He had a slightly sinister look about him. Bucky knew he was gonna like him.  
“Happy Birthday!” Wanda said enthusiastically. Everyone else echoed the call, except the raven.   
“Guys.” Bucky couldn't help but smile. Wanda came up and wrapped her arms around him.   
“This was her idea.” Tony said, noddding towards Wanda.   
“Really?” Bucky asked, looking down at her.  
“Well, me and Natasha.” Wanda chirped. He hugged her tightly.   
“Let's get this party started.” Tony said, he clapped his hands, and music started playing. Everyone mixed and mingled.  
“Steve?” Bucky asked.  
“Yeah?” Steve turned from his conversation Maria.  
“Who's the guy over there?” He pointed to the raven.  
“That is Loki.” Steve said. “Thor’s brother.”  
“The guy who attacked New York?” Bucky asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve laughed lightly. “He actually an okay guy.”  
“I'm gonna go talk to him.” Bucky shrugged. He walked over the Loki. “Hello.” He said politely.   
“Greetings.” Loki said dryly.   
“James Barnes.” Bucky stuck out his hand with a smile. The raven shook it.  
“Loki Laufeyson.” Loki gave a half hearted smile, his eyes briefly roamed over Bucky. They always seemed drawn back to his arm.   
“So you're Asgardian?” Bucky asked.  
“Yes, well technically no.” Loki said, Bucky must've looked confused, because he elaborated. “I'm adopted.”  
“Oh.” Bucky nodded. “God of Mischief? Right?” Bucky had a playful gleam in his eyes. Loki found it both unsettling and amusing.  
“Correct.” Loki smiled. “My turn. You're arm? What happened to it?”  
“I fell off a train.” Bucky said.  
“And survived?” Loki raised an eyebrow. Bucky recounted the story. “So you fell off a train, were taken in by the enemy, and turned into a mindless assassin?” Loki cocked his head.  
“Basically.” Bucky shrugged.   
“So you're one of the misunderstoods as well?” Loki asked   
“You could put it that way.” Bucky said. “Want a drink?”  
“Why not.” Loki replied. Bucky was right, he was starting to like this guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i've been obsessed with the idea of bucky and loki's friendship. so here it is. it'll be fun! plus i just really love loki :D


	21. Happy Birthday (pt.3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, welcome back to this lovely story.

“Hey Thor.” Steve smiled at his friend.  
“Captain Rogers.” Thor put a strong hand on Steve's shoulder. “You've met Jane before.”  
“Yes I have.” Steve hugged her briefly.   
“Nice to see you Captain.” Jane smiled.  
“You too.” Steve smiled back. “I see Loki is here.”  
“Yes.” Thor said. “In fact, where is he?”  
“There.” Steve pointed to the bar. “With Bucky.”  
“Ah, he's made a friend.” Thor remarked.  
“You surprised?” Steve asked.  
“Loki isn't exactly the friend making type.” Thor said.  
“Neither is Bucky.” Steve shrugged. “Well not anymore. But he's a good guy.”  
“I think him and Loki will get along fine.” Thor reassured. “Loki could use a friend.”  
“I think Bucky will be good for him.” Steve smiled.  
“You're very fond of him.” Thor said matter a factly.  
“Well, he is my fiancé.” Steve said.  
“Right.” Thor nodded.  
“Congratulations by the way.” Jane chimed in.  
“Thank you.” Steve's smile widened.  
“What are we talking about over here?” Maria asked, she propped an elbow on Steve's shoulder. She was holding a glass of some beverage.  
“Rogers and Barnes.” Thor said.  
“Oh.” Maria smiled, and sipped her drink. “I almost fell out my chair when I found out.”  
“Aren't they cute.” Jane remarked.  
“Right.” Maria replied.   
“Stop.” Steve sighed.  
“And they won't even admit it.” Maria continued.   
“That just makes it cuter.” Jane smiled at Steve.   
“Totally.” Maria sipped her drink. “I love those two. Not afraid to love each other. Even when it was illegal.”  
“Love knows no bonds.” Jane smiled.  
“No it doesn't.” Maria smiled.   
“You ladies done talking about my love life?” Steve asked.  
“Maybe.” Both women said in unison.

“The ring on your finger.” Loki pointed out the ring on Bucky's metal finger. They had sat next to each other at the bar. Bucky with a small glass of whiskey, Loki with one with Asgardian Mead.  
“What about it?” Bucky asked, he sipped from his whiskey.  
“You have a wife?” Loki asked.  
“No.” Bucky said. “But I'm engaged.”  
“To whom?” Loki asked, one brow raised. Bucky turned slightly, searching the crowd, before pointing to his blonde fiancé. Loki followed his finger. Bucky put his hand down, and took another sip of his drink. Loki looked at him, clearly surprised. “The Captain?”  
“Mmhm.” Bucky nodded.   
“Captain Rogers?” He asked again.  
“That’s my Stevie.” Bucky smiled childishly, then sipped his whiskey. He wasn't completely unaware of the look of disgust that twisted the gods face. He laughed. “Sorry, ugh being in love has turned me into a sap.”  
“It's quite alright.” Loki said, he brought the rim of his cup to his lips. “My reaction was uncalled for. I apologize.”  
“It's really ok.” Bucky laughed lightly. “I honestly would've reacted the same way. I'm not usually a sappy guy.”  
“Love is odd, isn't it.” Loki remarked.  
“Yes it is.” Bucky smiled.  
“I had no idea that you and the captain were—” Loki searched for the right words. “romantically involved.”  
“I haven't heard someone put it that way before.” Bucky said. “But yes, we are, as you put it, romantically involved.”  
“I never took him, as someone who'd, I mean no disrespect, but someone who'd be into other men.” Loki stammered.  
“People say that about both of us.” Bucky shrugged. “Yet, here we are.”  
“Here you are.” Loki replied, sipping his mead. There was a tense, awkward silence.   
“Can I ask ya something?” Bucky asked.  
“Go ahead.” Loki responded.  
“Are you really evil?” Bucky looked at the god. “Like a bad guy. You know what I mean?”  
“I think I do.” Loki stared into his cup. “I am, to the people of earth a villain. I don't know how I see myself though. I'm not the most pleasant to be around. I don't have— friends. I'm surprised you've stayed around me for this long.”  
“Because we’re similar, me and you.” Bucky placed a hand on the tricksters shoulder. Loki looked at him. “We've both down bad shit, but there's also a good side to both of us. A good side brought out by the people who care about us. We're both misunderstood. Plus, I feel hella awkward around most of these people.” Bucky laughed, and to his surprise the god laughed too. Bucky removed his hand from his shoulder, and took another sip of his whiskey.  
“As far as humans go,” Loki said, “you're one of the good ones, James.”  
“I'm flattered.” Bucky smiled warmly. “Call me Bucky.”  
“You're a good man, Bucky.” Loki returned his smile.  
“You're not bad, yourself.” Bucky winked.   
“You really think so?” Loki asked.  
“Of course.” Bucky said. They smiled at each other. They each drank more rounds of their preferred beverage. After three or four cups of mead, Loki was quite obviously drunk. Bucky could also feel the effects of alcohol starting to come over him. A slower song started to play, and Bucky made his way over to where Steve was standing with Natasha.  
“Wanna dance with me?” He asked, holding out his hand for Steve.  
“Are you drunk?” Steve asked.  
“Ummm” Bucky pondered the question, but Natasha took his hand, and placed it in Steve's.   
“Who cares?” She asked. “Go dance you dorks.” She pushed the couple into an opening. Bucky slide his metal arm around Steve's waist, and laced took Steve's hand in the other.   
“What do I—?” Steve's free hand lay awkwardly at his side. Bucky took his hand, and placed it on his shoulder.  
“You've never been good at dancing.” Bucky said, laughing lightly. Steve hung his head, clearly embarrassed. “It's ok. I'll show ya. Just like the good old days.”  
“I was a lot smaller in ,what you call ‘the good old days.’” Steve said.   
“You're still the same Stevie to me.” Bucky whispered, before raising his voice a little. “Now follow my lead.” Bucky gently lead him in their slow dance. Steve was constantly stepping on Bucky's toes. He apologized everytime, and Bucky laughed every time. Pepper and Tony joined them for a dance. It took a little bit, but Steve eventually got the hang of it. He smiled proudly at Bucky, who laughed.  
“You got it, punk.” Bucky teased.  
“All thanks to you, jerk.” Steve kissed Bucky lightly.   
“You're cute.” Bucky smiled.  
“You're drunk.” Steve smiled back.   
“Just a little.” Bucky admitted.   
“I love you.” Steve whispered.  
“Love you too Stevie.” Bucky kissed him.   
“FUCKING ADORABLE!” Maria yelled from the other side of the room, causing everyone to laugh, and the couple to blush. The song ended, and everyone went back to partying. Clint and Tony were throwing darts in a corner, while Peter and Wanda were playing cards in another. Natasha came and tapped Bucky in the shoulder.   
“Happy Birthday.” She smiled, and handed him a small slender box. He opened it, in it lay a silver double edged knife, with a leather hilt. He smiled at her.  
“It's beautiful.” He said.  
“Thought you'd like it.” She smirked, and hugged him. The party continued for several more hours. Around 2 am, almost everyone was passed out from drunkenness save Steve, Pepper,Jane and Natasha, and of course Wanda and Peter. Sam and Bucky were both sprawled on the couch. Tony lay on top of the table, Rhodey on the floor next to it. Thor and Clint were slouched against the wall, Maria lay on the coffee table. Loki was sitting at the bar, head on the counter.   
“We’re gonna have to get them somewhat more comfortable.” Steve said. “I can carry Buck back to our room, then come back for others.”  
“I could get Tony no problem.” Pepper shrugged.  
“I can take whoever.” Natasha said.  
“I can not carry Thor.” Jane laughed. They all laughed.   
“Let's just see what we can do.” Steve shrugged. “Peter, Wanda, see if you can get anyone.”  
“Yes sir.” Peter said. Steve went to where Bucky was laying. He gently scooped him up. Bucky stirred, and wrapped his arms around Steve's neck.  
“Where we going?” He asked, speech slurred.  
“To bed.” Steve smiled.   
“Ok.” Bucky rested his head on Steve's chest. Steve got into the elevator with Pepper who was supporting Tony, who was half awake slouching against Pepper. Jane and Wanda came into the elevator both supporting Thor, who was also half awake. Peter came in finally, supporting Maria.  
“Where should I bring Ms.Hill?” Peter asked.  
“She can stay with me.” Wanda whispered. The elevator went up, stopping first a Thor’s floor ( which he rarely used ). Jane took the weight from Wanda, and took Thor in.   
“I'll see you guys back down in a few.” She said. The next stop was Wanda's floor, she helped Peter carry Maria into the room. Steve got off next. His arms had started to get tired from carrying Bucky.  
He slowly made his way to their bedroom. He gently laid Bucky down on their bed.   
“Stevie?” Bucky asked groggily.   
“Yes.” Steve said.  
“Where ya goin’?” Bucky tried to sit up, but fell.   
“I'll be back, just don't go anywhere. Ok?” Steve cooed.  
“Ok.” Bucky gave a half salute, then rolled over. Steve got into the elevator and went down, picking up Peter, Wanda, and Jane. They got back down, and found Natasha carrying Clint. Steve went and helped up Sam, while Jane got Loki. Wanda and Peter got Rhodey. Jane took Loki to Thor’s room. Wanda and Peter took Rhodey to Sam’s. Steve dropped off Sam with them. And Natasha took Clint to hers. Soon Steve returned to Bucky, who was sound asleep, he got into bed, and soon also drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I know Steve can't get drunk bc of the serum but i didn't know if Bucky could, so i said hey why not, it'll be fun. I know it's not totally accurate but it's fanfic sooooo *shrug*


	22. Hangovers

Bucky woke to a splitting headache. He sat up groaning. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and found Steve standing next to bed, a glass of water in his hand, the other fist clenched. He sat down, and handed Bucky the water, and two pills.  
“Pain killers.” Steve said. Bucky downed the medicine with a swig of water.  
“Fuck.” He groaned. “My head.”  
“You were plastered.” Steve told him.  
“You seem fine.” Bucky pointed out.  
“I can't get drunk.” Steve winked.  
“Fuck you.” Bucky laid back down. “I didn't do anything stupid, did I?”  
“Well,” Steve started. “you jumped on the table, and started dancing in your underwear.”  
“WHAT!?” Bucky shot up, he looked so terrified Steve couldn't help but laugh. “Fuck. You.” Bucky growled, and tried to get up to tackle Steve, but fell, causing Steve to laugh harder.  
“You were fine.” Steve said, still laughing. “You did nothing stupid. I promise.” He helped Bucky up, and gently kissed his forehead. “Do you remember our dance?” Steve asked, helping Bucky to their living room.  
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled, sitting on the couch. “You weren't terrible.”   
“You're a good teacher.” Steve admitted, he pressed the back of his hand onto Bucky's forehead. “How do you feel?”  
“My head is killing me.” Bucky sighed. “Did I throw up?”   
“I don't think so.” Steve shrugged, he kneeled next the couch.  
“I didn't think so either, because I feel nauseous as fuck.” Bucky leaned back.  
“Maybe you're just hungry.” Steve suggested.   
“Maybe.” Bucky agreed. “Let's go see the damage downstairs.”  
“Can you walk?” Steve asked.  
“Probably.” Bucky tried to get up, but fell backwards. “How'd I get to bed?”  
“I carried you.” Steve said, getting up. “Like a baby.”  
“Oh.” Bucky nodded. “Were you the only one who wasn't drunk?”  
“No. It was me, Jane, Natasha, Pepper, and Wanda and Peter of course.” Steve said. “They can't drink.”  
“Right.” Bucky said, he got to his feet more successfully this time, but he still leaned on Steve for support. “Let's go.”  
When they got down, Tony, Natasha, Maria, Pepper, Peter and Wanda were sitting around the table, the room was illly light.   
“Morning.” Steve chirped.  
“Shhh.” Tony and Maria hissed.  
“Don't shush him.” Pepper elbowed Tony, before smiling at Steve. “Good morning guys.”  
“Morning.” Bucky waved.   
“Morning.” Sam waved from the couch.  
“Morning.” Clint called from the kitchen.  
“SHHHH!” Tony snarled.   
“Morning.” Thor said, from the newly opened elevator, next to him was Loki. Tony's head hit the table with a groan.  
“The hell happened last night.” Sam asked.  
“We all consumed to much alcohol, and became extremely intoxicated.” Loki said, leaning against the wall. Everyone stared at him.  
“You're here because…” Tony asked.  
“Hey.” Bucky glared at Tony. “He's my friend, that's why.” He looked at Loki, and pointed finger guns at him. The god tried, but failed to hide the smile the spread across his face.  
“You became friends,” Tony said slowly. “with the god of mischief?”  
“Ummm.” Bucky pretended to think. “Yeah. Jealous?”  
“Why would I be jealous?” Tony asked.  
“Because I became friends with a super cool god of mischief.” Bucky shrugged.   
“Who tried to take over the world.” Tony pointed out.  
“And I killed a bunch of people.” Bucky said. “But we're still decent people.”   
“Sure.” Tony rolled his eyes. Bucky flipped him off.  
“So we all go plastered.” Sam said.  
“Yeah.” Steve nodded. “Me, Pepper, Natasha, Jane, Wanda, and Peter were the only sober ones.”  
“Well no duh.” Maria grumbled. “You guys are the most responsible, and Wanda and Peter can't drink.”  
“We’re responsible.” Wanda said defensively.  
“Yeah.” Peter said. They high fived.  
“Yeah right.” Tony snapped.  
“They are Tony.” Steve said. “They helped us get all your drunk asses to bed.”  
“True that.” Peter said.  
“Whatever.” Tony shrugged.   
“How about I make breakfast.” Steve said, changing the subject.  
“How about you choke on a —” Tony snarled but he was cut off by Pepper swatting the back of his head.  
“I'll go make breakfast.” Steve said. He walked to the kitchen and started cooking. Loki came up and tapped Bucky's shoulder. He turned around.  
“Hey man.” Bucky smiled.  
“I'm you're friend?” Loki asked. Bucky could see something softer in his eyes.  
“Definitely.” Bucky nodded. The god smiled brightly.   
“Heads!” Clint called, as an arrow whizzed through the room, coming with in an inch of Bucky's nose before lodging itself in the way.   
“THE FUCK WAS THAT!” Bucky yelled.  
“Sorry.” Clint said.   
“Can we not yell?” Maria asked.  
“Yes, no yelling. Please.” Sam groaned.  
“Sorry.” Bucky said sheepishly. “Can Clint not shoot arrows through the room?”  
“I said I was sorry.” Clint huffed.  
“How about, we all just sit and chat, that way no one yells, and no one almost gets impaled.” Pepper said softly. No one bothered to disagree with her. They all sat around the table, chatting. Bucky sat across from Wanda and Peter at the opposite side of the table from Tony.   
“What do you mean you don't listen to Queen.” Wanda half yelled at Peter.  
“I've never listened to their music.” Peter shrugged.  
“Wait what?” Bucky asked.  
“Peter has never listened to Queen.” Wanda said.  
“How?” Bucky seemed shocked. Peter just shrugged.  
“Any Wednesday that you are free you're going to have to come over because me and Steve draw and listen to Queen.” Wanda said.  
“Ok.” Peter said, slightly embarrassed.  
“Ok, movies.” Wanda said. “One of my favorites is Footloose.”  
“Ew.” Peter made a face.  
“What!?” Wanda cried, before lowering her voice. “What do you mean ew?”  
“I don't like that movie.” Peter shrugged. Wanda sighed, and leaned back in her chair.  
“The Breakfast Club?”  
“Never seen it.”  
“Jaws?”  
“It's ok.”  
“Jurassic Park?”  
“Eh.”  
“Ferris Buellers Day Off?”  
“I actually love that one.”  
“Ok good.” Wanda sighed.  
“I've never seen any of those.” Bucky said.   
“Well, you kinda missed a lot.” Wanda said. “I'll show you the good ones though.”  
“Ok.” Bucky smiled at her. The pain in his head had subsided, which was a relief. He could tell that Tony was probably the most hungover. He always got cranky when he had hangovers. And today everything was pissing him off. A crash came from the kitchen. Followed by a ‘fuck’ from Steve. Bucky got up, and ran to the kitchen.  
“Steve?” He called. Steve was standing in the middle of a ring of broken plates. He was gripping his hand, blood dripping from a covered wound.  
“TONY WHY THE HELL WERE ALL THE PLATES SHOVE CARELESSLY IN THE CABINET!” Steve yelled.  
“Ummmmm.” Was the only response he got from Tony. Bucky got a broom, and swept away the broken pieces so Steve could exit the kitchen.   
“Show me you're hand.” Bucky said, they stood outside the kitchen. Steve carefully removed his hand, revealed a gash on his palm. Bucky sucked in air through his clenched teeth.  
“It'll heal quickly.” Steve sighed.   
“We should still clean that.” Bucky said.  
“Come here.” Pepper said. She pulled out gauze from her pocket.  
“Why do you have gauze in your pocket?” Bucky asked.   
“Tony's always getting hurt.” Pepper shrugged, getting wiping the blood from Steve's palm. “I've just started carrying them around.”  
“I should probably start doing that too.” Steve laughed lightly.  
“Same.” Bucky huffed. Pepper wrapped Steve's hand tightly, to stop the bleeding.   
“There ya go.” She smiled.   
“You'd be a great mom.” Maria smiled.  
“Right!” Bucky agreed.   
“Ok can we please turn some more lights on?” Steve asked.  
“No!” Tony hissed.   
“I'll make breakfast instead.” Sam said.  
“I'll help clean up the mess.” Steve added.  
“With a cut hand?” Sam asked.  
“Buck with help.” Steve smiled at his fiancé.  
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled back. He loved Steve's smile. Bucky swept away the broken pieces, discarding them in a trash can. Steve wiped up the blood that had spilled on the floor. Careful to only use his good hand. Sam was quietly started making pancakes. Steve and Bucky rejoined the table, Bucky returning to his previous seat, Steve sitting next to him.  
“You ok?” Wanda asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve smiled at her. “It’ heal quickly.”  
“Good.” She said.   
“Is that why you can't get drunk?” Peter asked. “Because you're body heals quickly?”  
“Something like that.” Steve shrugged.  
“That's cool.” Peter said. “And because Mr. Barn— Bucky, had a different version of the serum, he doesn't have all the same abilities as you.”  
“Exactly.” Steve nodded.   
“Got it.” Peter said.  
“Maybe Barnes is just weaker.” Tony called from the other end of the table.  
“Maybe you should shut the fuck up.” Bucky responded.  
“Eat shit.” Tony snapped.  
“Doesn't sound appetizing.” Bucky smiled.  
“Smart ass.” Tony pouted.  
“What are you five?” Bucky asked.  
“Five inches deep in—” Pepper turned the lights on fully, causing Tony to stop mid sentence and hiss.  
“Stop acting like a child.” She sighed. “Both of you.”  
“Tony started it!” Bucky cried.  
“I said stop.” Pepper glared at both of them.  
“Yes ma'am.” Bucky hung his head.  
“Whatever.” Tony groached, Pepper kissed his cheek.   
“Could you turn the lights down, Pepper?” Maria asked politely. “The bright light kills.”   
“Yes, please Pepper.” Clint begged.  
“Fine, but if any of you start any petty arguments.” Pepper warned, then dimmed the lights.   
“Pancakes are ready!” Sam called. Everyone rushed to the kitchen and grabbed a plate. The sat and ate quietly. When Steve and Bucky got back to their floor, Bucky instead on checking Steve's wound.  
“It's already started to close up.” Bucky said.  
“Yeah, I’d think so.” Steve remarked. Bucky kissed him. “How's your head?” Steve asked between kisses.   
“Fine.” Bucky mumbled.  
“You should take more medicine.” Steve whispered.   
“Mhmm, later.” Bucky kissed Steve again, tilting his head to deepen it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the dealio, tomorrow i'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow, so i won't really be able to post on thursday, i'll post asap, but it may be a lil while. sorry. hope you liked this chapter, i'll be back soon, promise.


	23. Designs and Crushes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG HI! I am sooo sorry that took so long. I had gotten my wisdom teeth out, and then I got locked out of my school account, which is what I use to write, but I'm back in, and back to posting. I'm so sorry that took forever, it was never my intent to post this late. I'm gonna get back into a normal posting habit. Sorry again, enjoy.

The next few weeks were fairly pleasant. In that time, Steve and Bucky made a list of what they wanted at their wedding. They'd decided to have a reception at Avengers tower, it would just be easier, and the space was great. Currently, Steve and Wanda were working on designs. Designs for the invites, and designs for centerpieces and decor. They sat on the couch, sketchbooks in their laps, pencil in their hand.   
“What about this one?” Wanda asked. She held out her sketchbook, the design was for an invite. It was lined with a thin border, maybe a centimeter thick, in block letters, was written ‘Come Celebrate’. Underneath, in fine cursive was ‘The marriage of James Buchanan Barnes and Steven Grant Rogers. April 4th.’  
“I like it.” Bucky said.  
“How do you know my full name?” Steve asked.  
“Ummmm.” Wanda smiled, and pointed to Bucky.  
“Really?” Steve cried.  
“It's more formal.” Bucky said, a wicked grin plastered on his face.   
“Jerk.” Steve grumbled. Bucky kissed his cheek.  
“Punk.”   
“You know when you see something so cute you're heart stops?” Wanda said, she'd gone back to drawing. “That how you two make me feel.” Both men blushed. Wanda looked up and laughed. “Why are you guys always so embarrassed when people say you're cute?”  
“Because it's embarrassing.” Bucky whined.  
“But why?” Wanda asked.  
“Because— because it's,” Bucky stammered.  
“Different.” He and Steve said the last word in unison.  
“Guys.” Wanda drew out the vowel, shaking her head slowly. “It's love. That's not different. Love is just love. It's the same thing for everyone. You guys love each other the same way Pepper and Tony love each other. There's nothing different about the way you love. So when people say you guys are a cute couple, own it, because you guys are fricken adorable together.”  
“We are?” Bucky asked.  
“Oh my god yes.” Wanda cried. “The way you tease each other, the way you smile at each other, how you take care of each other no matter what. The fact that you feel in love, when it was illegal for you to. It's adorable. You guys are actual goals.”  
“Goals?” Bucky asked.  
“Nevermind.” Wanda shook her head laughing. She went back to her sketchbook.  
“Well what about you?” Steve asked.  
“What about me?” Wanda asked, not looking up.   
“Are you romantically interested in anyone?” Steve pressed. Wanda's cheek got red.  
“That's an odd way to put it.” She laughed.   
“Avoiding the question.” Bucky mumbled.  
“Am not.” Wanda huffed.   
“Are to.” Bucky sighed.   
“You kinda are.” Steve smirked.  
“No, no I'm not.” Wanda's face got even redder.  
“Bull. Shit.” Bucky said, a devilish smile crawled across his face. “Why is this so embarrassing?”  
“It's not.” Wanda snapped.  
“Then why are you getting so defensive?” Bucky asked.  
“I'm not.” Wanda said calmly, she went back to her drawing. Bucky stared at her skeptically. “Stop glaring at me.”  
“I just don't believe you.” Bucky huffed.  
“Buck, leave her be.” Steve sighed.  
“Fine.” Bucky said. Wanda smiled, then checked the time on her phone.  
“Oh!” She closed her sketchbook. “I gotta go.” She got up.  
“Where ya goin?” Steve asked.  
“I'm hanging out with Peter today.” Wanda said.  
“Have fun.” Steve said. Wanda go in the elevator.   
“Thanks. Bye guys.” Wanda waved, the door closed. Steve went back to his drawing.   
“Does she like Peter?” Bucky asked.   
“What?” Steve looked up.  
“Peter, Peter Parker. Does she like him?” Bucky repeated.  
“Of course, they're friends aren't they?” Steve said.  
“No!” Bucky sighed. “As like more than friends.”  
“Just drop it, Buck.” Steve smiled.  
“Ok.” Bucky shrugged. “I'm just saying. They hang out a lot.”  
“Because she doesn't have any other friends that are her own age.” Steve said.  
“True.” Bucky admitted.  
“Just because they hang out doesn't mean they're a thing.” Steve closed his sketchbook. “Peter’s a good kid.”  
“I know.” Bucky said lightly.  
“He helped when…” Steve's voice trailed off. Bucky just nodded. There was silence. “What happened that night?”  
“Haven't we talked about this already.” Bucky muttered.  
“We actually haven't.” Steve said.  
“I- I don't remember really.” Bucky hung his head. “I remember snapping out of it on a rooftop. Wanda was their, she had the picture of us. The one next to our bed. I think it brought me around. I think it had something to do with my programming. I’m not exactly sure. But I was scared.” Steve moved next to Bucky, and hugged him.  
“I’m sorry that I left.” Steve said.  
“You had to.” Bucky whispered, Steve pulled back and cupped Bucky’s face in his hand.  
“But I shouldn’t have.” He sighed.  
“Like you said when you left, I have Wanda.” Bucky smiled.  
“You do.” Steve gently kissed him. “That’s why you need to stop teasing her.”  
“Fine.” Bucky sighed dramatically, Steve laughed then kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do ya think? Who do you think Wanda likes? All shall be revealed! Sorry again about posting late, see ya soon.


	24. Scared to Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It's late. I'm tired. Shrug. I've decided to post every two days, bc it just works better for me. Hope ya like this chapter.

Bucky was pinned. He was on the ground, and knee in his back, his metal arm held behind him, and a hand on the side of his head.  
“Ok, ok you win.” He huffed. Natasha released him from the hold, he rolled over and lay on his back.   
“I win again!” Natasha boasted.  
“It’s only the second time.” Bucky sighed, sitting up.   
“Again?” Natasha held out her hand, Bucky took it, she helped him up.  
“Again.” Bucky agreed. They stood facing each other. “Ready, go.” Natasha kicked, Bucky dodged, but her goal wasn’t to kick him. Her leg landed on his shoulder, and she swung herself onto his shoulders. She wrapped her legs around his neck. Bucky tried to pry her off but couldn’t, well not at first. He eventually grabbed her waist, and pulled, she slipped, falling off him. Bucky let her fall only momentarily, then slowed her fall long enough to put her into a headlock. He fell to the ground, landing on his back, still holding Nat in a headlock. He tangled her legs in his, so she couldn’t kick him. She thrashed trying to get loose, but didn’t tap, she suddenly went slack. Bucky panicked. He let go of her. That was his mistake. She tackled him back to the ground, and once again locking her legs around his neck.   
“What are you guys doing?” Steve’s voice came from the other side of the room. Bucky tapped, and Nat released him. He sat up.  
“Training.” He smiled at Steve.  
“This early?” Steve asked. “Guys it’s like 3 in the morning.”  
“I couldn’t sleep.” Bucky admitted.  
“And I was already here.” Nat shrugged.  
“Why are you in the training room at 3 am?” Steve asked.  
“Couldn’t sleep.” Nat said. “Why are you up?”  
“I woke up, and Bucky wasn’t there.” Steve yawned. “I was worried.”  
“That’s sweet.” Nat said.  
“I’m ok.” Bucky walked over to Steve, and kissed him gently. “You should go back to bed.”  
“I’m good.” Steve yawned again.   
“No, go back to bed.” Bucky sighed.  
“You should come back too.” Steve protested.  
“But I won’t be able to sleep.” Bucky said.  
“You should go.” Nat said, yawning. “I know I’m leaving.”  
“Ok then.” Bucky sighed. 

Bucky couldn’t sleep. He lay in bed, as Steve slept soundly. He stared at the ceiling. He checked the time. 3:52. He was tired, but couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to. He’d had another nightmare. One he couldn’t shake. He’d woken up afraid. He’d tried to fall back asleep, but couldn’t. So he went to the training room, where he’d found Nat. He couldn’t sleep then, and he couldn’t sleep now. He sat up, and rubbed his face. He got out of bed, and walked into their dark living room. He went over to the record player, and put on a record. David Bowie poured out of the speakers. He turned down the volume, and sat on the couch. Sometimes he felt like Major Tom. Lost. Floating in vast nothingness. The music calmed him. Despite his mental protest, he felt his eyelids grow heavy. He fell asleep.

Steve gently kissed Bucky's forehead. Bucky's eyes fluttered open. Steve smiled down at him.   
“Morning.” Steve said.  
“Morning.” Bucky mumbled. Steve sat on the edge of the couch.  
“You ok?” He asked.  
“I don't know.” Bucky sighed, he sat up, and pulled his knees into his chest.   
“Nightmares?” Steve asked. Bucky nodded. “That's not it though. Not all of it.”  
“No.” Bucky said.  
“What are the nightmares?” Steve asked lightly.  
“I— I don't want to talk about it.” Bucky hung his head. He'd never not told about his nightmares. He felt bad for not telling him.  
“Buck.” Steve whispered.  
“I'm gonna go shower.” Bucky got up, and left. When Bucky got to the bathroom he locked the door. He gripped the sides of the sink, and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Stared into his eyes. He could almost see the broken pieces. His eyes stung with tears. He wanted to cry, but he didn't think that he'd stop, if he started. It was too much. He stepped away, and turned on the shower. 

Steve don't know what to do. He was worried about Bucky. He seemed really shaken up about the dream. That meant that it was worse than the others. Something Steve didn't think was possible. Bucky's nightmares were bad, anything that could reduce him to tears had to be. But this, as impossible as it sounded, was worse. Bucky was terrified to close his eyes. He was shaken up pretty badly, and that worried Steve. He heard the shower start. He'd talk to him later. He put away the record. He sat back on the couch, and opened a book. He read for about five minutes. The elevator dinged open.   
“Hey.” Natasha stood in the elevator.  
“Hey Nat.” Steve said.  
“Did Barnes sleep at all?” She asked. She came and sat next to Steve.   
“A little.” Steve sighed. “I’m worried about him.”  
“I know you are.” Nat sounded concerned.   
“I just don't know what to do.” Steve's voice started to shake. “He won't talk to me. I— I don't know to do.”   
“It's hard.” Nat took his hand. “I know it is. He'll open up eventually.”  
“I'm sure if he will.” Steve's voice cracked. Tears trailed down his face.   
“No, no Steve.” Nat cooed. “He'll open up. He will.”  
“It's just— he usually talks to me.” Steve sniffled. “I just don't know he's not, now.” The tears started to fall faster.   
“Steve, Steve.” Nat whispered. “Hey, Steve. Don't cry. Come on. Steve.”  
“I'm sorry Nat.” Steve cried.  
“It ok. It's— ugh.” Nat gave up. Nat hugged him, she held him tightly, letting him cry into her shoulder. “Steve, you gotta calm down.”  
“I'm sorry.” Steve mumbled.   
“Steve?” Bucky had come back into the living room. He was wearing only sweatpants. Nat turned to face Bucky, still holding Steve. She just shook her head slowly. Bucky sat on the other side of Steve. He gently rubbed his back.   
“Hey Steve.” Nat whispered. Steve didn't say anything.  
“Stevie.” Bucky muttered. Steve sat back, and looked at Bucky.   
“I'm sorry.” Steve hung his head. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve.   
“Stevie, please stop. Don't cry. Come on, baby.” Bucky cooed. “Stevie please. If you cry, I'll cry.” Bucky's voice started to shake.   
“I'm gonna go.” Nat whispered. Bucky nodded. She left.   
“Stevie.” Bucky whispered. “C’mon, talk to me.”  
“Why won't you talk to me?” Steve sniffed.  
“Talk to—” Bucky started, then his voice got quiet. “Oh.”  
“I'm worried about you, Buck.” Steve sighed. “You don't really talk to me.”  
“I— it scares me just thinking about it.” Bucky started to cry. “I— I can't. Just not yet. It's— it's scary. I'm scared, Stevie.”  
“Oh, Buck.” Steve kissed him gently. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Buck. I didn't mean to push you. I'm sorry, I—.” Steve broke down. So did Bucky. They hugged, and cried, and cried and hugged.   
“I love you, Buck.” Steve said. “I love you, so so much.”  
“I love you too Stevie.” Bucky whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that was rough. Sorry. I write way to much angst. I'm sorry. See you in 2 days!


	25. Training day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so sorry for posting late. I'm trying to get back into a routine, and I'm just struggling to find extra time. I hope you like this chapter.

“So,” Steve sat on the floor next to Bucky. “guest list.”  
“Ok.” Bucky crossed his legs.  
“Tony, Nat, Sam, Wanda.” Steve said.   
“Yep.” Bucky nodded. Steve wrote down the names.  
“Thor, Pepper.” Steve listed.   
“Uh huh.” Bucky nodded again. “Oh and Peter.”  
“Peter?” Steve asked.  
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled. It was a weak smile. A forced smile. It hurt Steve.  
“Ok. Peter.” Steve made note. “Maria Hill?”   
“Of course.” Bucky laughed.   
“Clint.” Steve said. Bucky didn't answer. “Buck.” He poked him gently.   
“What?” Bucky blinked.   
“You still with me?” Steve asked.   
“Maybe.” Bucky smirked.   
“Maybe?” Steve raised an eyebrow.   
“Maybe.” Bucky repeated. Steve kissed him. He pushed him back, so Bucky lay on his back. Steve kissed him again.   
“Mhmm, we should focus.” Bucky mumbled.   
“Maybe.” Steve whispered. Bucky rolled them over, so he lay on top of Steve. Bucky kissed him, before digging his fingers into Steve sides. Steve laughed into the kiss. He tickled Steve, and Steve laughed hard. Soon tears started rolling down his cheeks.  
“Buck.” Steve gasped for air. “Buck, stop.” He laughed. Bucky kissed him. Steve pushed him off. He panted.  
“Can we focus now?” Bucky sighed.  
“Shut up.” Steve kissed his fiancé.   
“You're being really distracting.” Bucky huffed.   
“Oh really.” Steve brushed his nose against Bucky's.   
“Yes, really.” Bucky whispered.   
“I'm sorry.” Steve smiled.   
“Are you?” Bucky asked.  
“Maybe.” Steve kissed Bucky's cheek. He smiled.   
“Stevie.” Bucky cooed.   
“Bucky.” Steve copied him.   
“You're such a dork.” Bucky laughed.   
“How are you so damn perfect?” Steve smirked.  
“Nobody's perfect.” Bucky blushed.  
“You come close.” Steve brought their lips together.  
“You're closer.” Bucky whispered.   
“I'm going to marry the love of my life.” Steve giggled.   
“I love you more than I ever imagined possible.” Bucky blushed. They kissed, long and gently. Soft and light. It warmed them both. Steve's phone rang. He ignored it. But it kept ringing.  
“I should get that.” Steve mumbled. He leaned back, and grabbed his phone. Seeing that it was Nat, he answered. “Hey.”  
“Hey.” Nat said. Bucky kissed Steve, but he pushed him back smiling.  
“What's up?” He asked.  
“It's Sharon.” Nat sighed.   
“Oh fuck.” Steve cursed.  
“No I'm kidding.” Nat laughed.  
“Come on.” Steve sighed. Bucky kissed the corner of his mouth. Than his cheek. “So what is up?”  
“First of all, tell Barnes to stop kissing you.” Nat said. Steve blushed. “And second, I’m putting together a training program for Wanda and Peter, and I'd like you to help.”  
“Ok.” Steve sighed. “We’ll be down in a minute.”  
“Ok. Bye.” Nat hung up.   
“Where are we going?” Bucky asked. Steve stood.  
“To help Nat with training.” Steve stuck out his hand, and Bucky took it. He pulled him up.   
“Sounds fun. Give me a minute.” Bucky left the room. He came back a minute later with his hair pulled back, and a knife strapped to his thigh.  
“Really?” Steve sighed.  
“Yeah, really.” Bucky said mockingly. Steve rolled his eyes.  
“Fine, let’s go.”

When they got to the training room, Nat was waiting. Peter was in the corner hitting a punching back, and Wanda was levitating weights.  
“Why the hell do you have a knife?” Natasha asked.  
“Because.” Bucky shrugged.  
“That’s not a valid answer.” Natasha said.  
“Why can’t I just have a knife strapped to my leg?” Bucky crossed his arms.   
“Because.” Nat smirked. Bucky rolled his eyes. “Ok class!” Nat clapped her hands. “Gather round.”  
“You’re not a certified teacher.” Bucky said.  
“Shut up.” Nat snapped. “Ok, so training day. You guys, at one point, will work with all three of us individually, and we’ll go over skills and tricks and all that lovely stuff. Got it? Good! Wanda go with Barnes, and Peter come with me.” Bucky and Wanda went to the opposite side of the room.  
“Ok so,” Bucky said. “You already have your magical powers, so we’re gonna work on reflexes and stuff, ok?”  
“Yeah.” Wanda chirped.  
“Ok, we’re gonna start with small things.” Bucky looked around, he picked up a small ball. “So, I’m gonna throw this at you, and you’re going to deflect it. Ready?” Wanda nodded. Bucky threw the ball, and Wanda easily deflected it. “Good, now… Steve, c’mere. Take two balls, and throw them at Wanda when I say so, ok?”  
“Why are you throwing balls at Wanda?” Steve asked, picking up two balls.  
“Training.” Bucky also picked up two balls. “Ready? Oh, and don’t just use a giant shield, that’s cheating.”  
“Fine.” Wanda sighed. “I’m ready.”  
“Ok!” Bucky and Steve threw the balls. Wanda blocked two of them, but the other two hit her in the shoulder, and the leg.  
“Close.” Bucky said, collecting the balls. They repeated the process multiple times, before Wanda blocked at least three each time.  
“One more time.” She said. “I’ll get all four this time.”  
“Ok.” Bucky smiled. The balls flew, Wanda blocked the first, then the second, then the third, and finally the fourth.  
“YES!” She yelled.  
“Good job.” Bucky high fived her.  
“Ok, Peter go with Steve, Wanda with me.” Nat called. Wanda and Peter switched sides, exchanging a smile as they passed each other.   
“Hey Peter.” Steve smiled.  
“Hello, Captain Rogers.” Peter said politely.   
“Please, call me Steve.” Steve's smile slightly faded.  
“Oh, sorry.” Peter said embarrassed.   
“It's ok Peter.” Steve said. “Now, how are you in hand to hand combat?”  
“Ok, I guess.” Peter shrugged.   
“Well, that's what we're gonna work on.” Steve said. He showed Peter various punches and kicks. Peter was a good listener, and picked the skills quickly.   
“Ok!” Nat called. “Five minute break!” Bucky nudged Steve.  
“Never thought I’d see the day when you taught a kid to fight.” Bucky teased.  
“Oh shut up!” Steve pushed him. Bucky kissed him quickly.  
“Hey!” Nat shouted. “No PDA!” They both blushed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what'd ya think? I like the fluff, but don't worry, it won't last too long. Sorry again for posting late.


	26. Drawings of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey squad!

It was Wednesday, so Wanda and Steve were sitting on the couch, with their sketch pads. Wanda had brought a new record, rock music now poured from the speakers.

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
On holiday

“What’d you say this band was?” Bucky asked, he was sitting on the floor next to the coffee table. He had a sheet of paper on the table, and a pencil in his hand.  
“Green Day.” Wanda said.  
“It’s good music.” Bucky smiled.  
“Hell yeah!” Wanda cried. Steve laughed.  
“The language isn’t the best thought.” He shrugged.  
“Ok grandpa.” Wanda rolled her eyes.  
“Damn!” Bucky laughed hard. “She just grandpa’d you.” He and Wanda laughed even harder.  
“Ok guys.” Steve sighed. Bucky high fived Wanda. Steve just shook his head. Bucky just kept laughing, until Steve swatted the back of his head with his sketchbook.  
“Ow!” Bucky yelled, he rubbed the back of his head.  
“What?” Steve asked innocently. Bucky punched his arm. Steve scowled at him, and Bucky stuck his tongue out.  
“Do you guys need to go in time out?” Wanda asked.  
“We’re not five.” Bucky huffed.  
“Then stop acting like you are.” Wanda sighed.  
“Fine.” Bucky started drawing. They sat quietly for a few minutes.  
“Whatcha drawing?” Wanda asked.  
“A deer.” Bucky said, he held up his paper. On it was a stick and circle drawing of a deer.   
“It’s— nice.” Steve said encouragingly.  
“You should add more to it.” Wanda said. Steve and Wanda went back to drawing. Instead of adding more, Bucky turned his paper into a paper airplane. He threw it across the living room, and into the kitchen sink. He got up and retrieved it, before throwing it at Steve. It hit his forehead. Steve looked up, and Bucky stuck his tongue out. Steve made a face. Bucky smiled cutely, and Steve laughed. Bucky blew him a kiss. Steve pretended to catch it, and placed it on his heart.   
“Oh my god, you guys are gonna make me cry.” Wanda said, barley looking up from her sketchbook.   
“Cause we're fucking adorable!” Bucky said. Wanda laughed hard.   
“Yes, you're fricken adorable.” Wanda said laughing. Steve just shook his head smiling. Bucky came up behind Steve, and wrapped his arms around his neck, he placed his head on Steve's left shoulder.   
“Whatcha drawing?” He asked. Steve showed him the sketch. It was Bucky. He sat on a chair, leaning on his right arm, his left hand rested on his knee. He wore a long sleeve shirt, except it only had the right sleeve, so his metal arm was exposed. He looked stronger, and less— broken.  
“What do you think?” Steve asked.  
“It's cool.” Bucky couldn't hide the smile that had spread across his face.   
“Can I see?” Wanda asked. Steve showed her.  
“Dope!” She said, smiling.  
“You're a great artist.” Bucky said, blushing. He kissed Steve's cheek. Wanda clutched at her heart.  
“You guys give me inspiration for art.” She sighed.   
“You see, I love pop pop.” Bucky teased.  
“Get off.” Steve said laughing. He pushed Bucky. He landed on the floor and laughed.   
“Look, I'm sorry old man.” Bucky laughed.  
“You're older than me!” Steve cried, still smiling.  
“So were both old timers.” Bucky said sitting up.  
“Yep.” Steve chirped.   
“Well, then we must be quite wise.” Bucky said.  
“Yep.” Steve repeated.  
“Then with all my wisdom, here is what I have to say.” Bucky cleared his throat. “If you love someone, love them. It doesn't matter who they are, or what they do, if you love them, you have every right in the world to love them. And if they don't love you back, that's their loss, but if they do, then hey, take the opportunity to have them. I'm sure glad I did.” Bucky smiled at Steve, and Steve smiled back.   
“Bucky!” Wanda squealed. She literally had tears streaming down her cheeks. “That touched my heart, in ways you don't even know.”  
“Have you ever been in love?” Bucky asked innocently. Wanda's face got red, and she wouldn't look at him.  
“Maybe.” She said with a small smile.  
“Spill!” Bucky said eagerly.  
“Well—” Wanda sighed. “You have to swear not to tell anyone.”  
“I promise.” Bucky smiled. “Now, who is it?” Wanda was silent for a moment.  
“Peter.” She whispered. Dead silence. She looked at Bucky who was smiling widely.  
“Awwww.” He said. “When'd that happen?”  
“Ever since he helped me find you.” Wanda admitted. “He went out of his way, to help me, someone he'd never met before. It was so nice. After that, I couldn't help but— fall for him.” Wanda blushed even harder.  
“That's so sweet.” Steve said. “You should tell him.”  
“I couldn't.” Wanda's smile faded slightly.  
“Why not!?” Bucky yelled, standing up. “He could like you too. You guys would be so cute together!”  
“I can't just tell him.” Wanda said.  
“And why not?” Bucky asked, crossing his arms.  
“Because— because.” Wanda stumbled and bet her words. “I don't want to lose him.”  
“If I hadn't liked Bucky, and he told me that he loved me, I would've still been his friend. Nothing would've changed. If he really values your friendship, then there shouldn't be a problem.” Steve explained.   
“I don't know.” Wanda sighed.  
“Why wouldn't he like you?” Bucky said. “You're funny, and sweet, and caring, and you're an excellent artist. You care so much for the people you love, and have such good intentions. Plus you kick ass, and are dope as hell. Stop doubting yourself.”  
“I'm not though.” Wanda said.  
“But you are.” Steve smiled.  
“You guys actually think that?” Wanda asked.  
“Hell yeah!” Bucky shouted. Wanda's smile returned. “In fact you should call him right now!”  
“I'm hanging out with him, this afternoon.” Wanda shrugged. “I actually gotta go in a few minutes.”  
“Then you should tell him then!” Bucky cried. “Ah, it's perfect.”  
“I don't know if I can.” Wanda sighed.  
“Of course you can!” Bucky yelled. “Don't even worry about it. Just go!”  
“Really?” Wanda asked.  
“Yeah! You got this!” Bucky said.  
“Ok.” Wanda stood. “I'm gonna do it.”  
“You do it!” Bucky smiled.  
“Bye guys.” Wanda said.  
“Good luck.” Steve waved. She left.  
“It's gonna be great.” Bucky smiled. Steve stood.  
“Definitely.” He nodded, and kissed Bucky. 

It's something unpredictable  
but in the end it's right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!! I loved writing it. The two songs that a borrowed song lyrics from were Holiday and Good Riddance by Green Day. Absolutely bangers! I love Green Day. How do you think Wanda and Peter are gonna go? Ah, good music. See y'all soon


	27. Envelopes full of nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, welcome back.

“If I lick another envelope I'm going to throw up.” Bucky grumbled. They were sitting back to back on the couch.  
“You don’t have to directly lick the envelope.” Steve said. “If you lick your finger, then rub it on the envelope, you don’t have to lick it.”  
“Oh.” Bucky sighed. “Ok.”   
“Is there anyone else who we should invite?” Steve asked.  
“What about Loki?” Bucky said. Steve turned his head.  
“Really?” He asked.  
“Yeah.” Bucky shrugged, he sealed another envelope. “He’s a good guy. I feel I can really relate to him. I really like him.”  
“Ok then.” Steve went back to sealing envelopes. The elevator doors dinged open.  
“GUYS!” Wanda yelled.  
“Shhhh!” Bucky hissed. “Could you be any louder?’  
“Sorry.” Wanda whispered. “I'm just really happy.”  
“Oh!” Bucky shouted, realizing what Wanda was talking about.   
“Shhh!” Wanda mocked him. Bucky frowned.  
“So what happened?” Steve asked.   
“Well.” Wanda sat on the floor in front the couch. “We were sitting on a bench, eating popcorn, right because, we cute. And I'm like ‘um, Peter?’ and he was like ‘yeah.’ And I was like ‘I like you.’ and He was like ‘Like, like like me?’ and I just nodded, and we kinda just sat in silence. And then he took my hand.”  
“Oh snap!” Bucky cried laughing. Wanda smiled broadly.  
“And then?” Steve pressed.   
“And then, we walked around holding hands.” Wanda smiled, her cheeks turning slightly pink.   
“That's great Wanda.” Steve smiled. She did a little bow. What she didn't tell them about, was the kiss. Yes, a kiss, only on the cheek, given to her by Peter. He'd given it to her when they had both gone home. She'd smiled the rest of the night.  
“What are you guys doing?” She asked.   
“Sealing envelopes.” Bucky sighed.  
“Cool.” Wanda said. “I'll leave you guys too it.” She got up. As she left she playfully pushed Bucky.   
“They'll be good together.” Steve noted once Wanda had left.  
“Oh yeah.” Bucky agreed.  
“I'm bored. Wanna watch a movie?” Steve asked.  
“Yeah.” Bucky shrugged. Steve turned around and laid back on the couch. Bucky snuggled up against him. He was so tired. He hadn’t slept well for over a week. If he did sleep he constantly ending up on rooftops and in subway stations, not knowing at all how he’d gotten there. That’s what had happened that one night he’d ended up training with Nat. He hadn’t told her what happened. And he hadn’t told Steve. He regretted it. It’s not that he trust Steve. He trusted him more than he trusted anyone else. He didn’t want to scare him. To make him worry. He couldn’t put Steve through anything else. He couldn’t do that, not to Steve. But at the same time, he felt bad for not tell Steve. For not being honest. It was unlike him. And it was getting worse, and if Steve woke up when he wasn’t there, he wanted to him to know what was happening. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He just couldn’t. And that hurt.  
“Buck?” Steve said lightly. “When was the last time you slept?”  
“I slept last night.” Bucky lied.   
“No you didn’t.” Steve sighed.  
“I did, for like, an hour.” Bucky whispered.   
“Bucky.” Steve cooed.  
“It doesn’t matter.” Bucky shook his head.  
“It does!” Steve snapped. Bucky went quiet. “I’m sorry.”  
“No— no you're right.” Bucky said. “Truth is I haven't slept more than an hour for the past week or so.”  
“What!?” Steve sat up.   
“Yeaaah.” Bucky wouldn't meet Steve's eyes. “Truth is, I'm too scared to sleep. I close my eyes, the shit I see, I can’t take it. I can’t sleep.” His voice shook.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve asked sweetly.  
“I don’t want to worry you.” Bucky met Steve’s eyes.  
“Oh, Bucky.” Steve said. “You only worry me when you think you’ll worry me.”  
“Well then I did exactly what I didn’t want to do.” Bucky said annoyed.  
“Go to sleep.” Steve sighed.   
“No!” Bucky yelled.  
“I’ll be right here. If you look like you’re having a nightmare, I’ll wake you.” Steve said.  
“You can’t tell though.” Bucky protested.  
“Oh yes I can.” Steve retorted. Bucky wasn’t going to argue. He placed his head on Steve’s chest, and closed his eyes. He quickly fell asleep. 

“BUCKY!” Steve yelled. Bucky jerked up, shaking. “Oh my god, are you ok?” Steve pulled him in close.  
“Don’t make me do that again.” Bucky sobbed. “Please Stevie.”  
“I won’t.” Steve promised. “I won’t, shhh, I’ve got you.”  
“How long was I asleep?” Bucky asked weakly.  
“Maybe half an hour.” Steve said. “Just relax ok? Lay down, you don’t have to sleep, I’m sorry I made you do that.”  
“It’s ok, it’s ok.” Bucky sighed. Steve kissed the top of his head, and he relaxed.  
“Just relax, I’ve got you, it’s ok.” Steve kissed his head again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so, did you like? Sorry it was short. So here's the dealio. We have had three chapters of just pure fluff, and as cute as it is, the overwhelming part of me that is EMO, is screaming for angst, sooooo we're gonna have so angst, like a lot, and it's gonna be some pretty intense shit, so be prepared. That's all for now! See ya! (fun side note: our school didn't block this website lol, what are they thinking??)


	28. Under Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii... let me just start by saying, don't hate me. I've been planing this chapter forever lol. It's actually based off a one shot I wrote. Maybe I'll post it one day. But yeah, here it is. :)

Something thudded loudly, and Steve woke. His eyes adjusted to the dark room, and he realized Bucky wasn’t there. Another loud sound. Steve got out of bed, slipped into a pair of sweatpants. He grabbed his phone and texted Nat.

If you're awake, come up in three minutes.

He made his way to the doorway, turning back and catching a glimpse of his shield. He wouldn't need it, right? There was no danger...right? Despite his better judgment, Steve grabbed it, just in case. He crept out of their bedroom, and slowly walked to the living room. He couldn’t see much, but their coffee table had been flipped over. He heard a soft click, that made his senses tingle. He turned towards the sound. He saw the gun first. Then the arm, the metal gleaming in the dark room. Bucky stood, in his shirt and sweatpants, metal arm extended, holding the gun, pointed at Steve. Steve froze.  
“Bucky, put the gun down.” He commanded.  
“Who the hell are you talking too?” Bucky asked.  
“I'm talking to you, Bucky Barnes.” Steve said calmly. Bucky's hand wavered, but only for a moment. Steve took a step closer, but could see Bucky's grip tighten.  
“I don't know who that is.” Bucky growled.   
“I do.” Steve slowly lowered his shield. “You are Bucky Barnes. Full name James Buchanan Barnes. I am Steve Rogers. Your fiancé, a man who has loved you for more than 70 years. The man you agreed to marry. I'm in love with you, and you know it. You just gotta fight the program. Fight against Buck, I know you're in there.”  
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!” Bucky screamed. “I was sent here to kill you.”  
“You think I couldn't tell that?” Steve asked, he could feel tears starting to pool in his eyes. “But you won't kill me.” He put his shield down.  
“Why?” Bucky snapped. “Because you have a metal frisbee?”  
“Because you love me.” Steve said plainly. For a moment, for a split second, Steve thought he saw the metal arm waver.  
“No I don't.” Bucky snarled. One trigger. One finger. Four shots. Four bullets. Steve felt the bullets pierce his skin. One in his abdomen, one in his shoulder, one between his ribs (just missing his heart), and one into the wall behind him.  
“James Buchanan Barnes.” Steve choked through the pain. “I'm with you, till the end of the line.” That brought him back. His eyes cleared, his hand dropped.  
“STEVE!” Bucky screamed. Steve collapsed. “Fuck.” Bucky rushed to his side.   
“What the hell happened!” Natasha yelled, coming into the living room.  
“Call an ambulance.” Bucky cried. “Shit, I’m sorry Steve, oh god.”  
“Calm— down.” Steve mummered. Nat made the call. “When you panic, I panic.” Steve choked on each syllable.   
“I— I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” Bucky blabbered.   
“Five minutes.” Nat noted. “Operator say we need to put pressure on the wounds.”  
“Bucky, you need to get towels for the blood.” Steve said as calmly as he could.   
“Ok, ok.” Bucky took some deep breaths, and grabbed some towels.  
“Nat you get two.” Steve winced as they pressed on the wounds. “Bucky, take my hand.”  
“You’re gonna be fine.” Bucky whimpered.  
“Take my hand, god dammit!” Steve gasped. Bucky took his hand, with his flesh one. Steve squeezed his hand hard. “I’m going to be ok.” Steve forced himself to smile. He forced himself for Bucky.  
“I know that.” Bucky said weakly.   
“You sure?” Steve asked.  
“Yes.” Bucky felt hot tears streaming down his cheeks. “Oh god, this all my fault.”  
“No, no.” Steve shook his head, despite the pain. “It’s not— keep the pressure— it’s not your fault. And I’m going to be fine.”  
“Hey Steve, how’s your vision?” Nat asked.  
“Fuzzy, unfocused.” Steve grimaced. “I feel light headed.”  
“Ok, do you feel like you’re close to losing consciousness?” She asked. Steve gripped Bucky's hand impossibly tighter.  
“Yeah.” Steve’s eyes started to close.  
“NO! STAY AWAKE!” Nat yelled. Steve used all his energy to keep his eyes open. Nat put her phone to her ear, before yelling, “One minute.”  
“Hey, focus on me.” Bucky said, as he noticed Steve staring at the ceiling. “Steve, look at me” Slowly, he did.   
“Did I ever tell you how much I love your eyes.” Steve smiled again.  
“No, I don't think so.” Bucky whispered.  
“I love your eyes. They're beautiful.” Steve reached up, and gently touched Bucky's face. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” Bucky said. The elevator door opened, and medical crew with a stretcher rushed out. Bucky stepped away. Steve was moved to the stretcher. There was a gumble of conversation, between the doctors. Bucky's knees started to weaken. He leaned against the couch so he wouldn't collapse. He saw Nat talking to one of the doctors briefly before they wheeled Steve into the elevator. The doors closed.   
“Barnes!” Nat gasped, as Bucky collapsed to his knees. “Come on, we gotta go.”  
“This is my worst nightmare, it's my worst nightmare.” Bucky rocked back and forth.   
“Get it together Barnes!” Nat snapped. “Get it together for Steve! So let's go.”  
“O— ok.” Bucky sniffed.   
“Up you get.” Nat helped him up. “Let's go.”

“Yeah no, I'm driving.” Nat said, climbing into the car. “You're crying too much.”  
“Ok.” Bucky climbed into the passenger side. He sobbed, as Nat started driving.  
“I thought I told you to keep it together.” Nat sighed.   
“I'm sorry.” Bucky whimpered. Nat whipped around a corner. “DON'T GET US KILLED!”   
“I know how to drive.” Nat snarled. A few more minutes of Nat hugging corners way to tightly, and they made it to the hospital. They rushed into the emergency room.  
“Hello ma'am.” Bucky said to the woman at the desk.  
“How may I help you.” The woman said with a smile. Bucky started crying. Nat shook her head.   
“Hi, sorry about him, umm so a friend of ours, well my friend, his fiancé, was brought here in an ambulance, and we were wondering where to wait for him or something like that.” Nat explained.  
“Ah, yes, let me see.” The woman looked through her notes. “Steve Rogers, three gunshot wounds. And your names.”  
“James Buchanan,” She pointed to Bucky, “and Natasha Romanoff.” The woman wrote down there names.  
“Ok, you guys can wait here.” She said.  
“Thank you.” Nat smiled. They sat in two of the chairs. Bucky pulled his knees to his chest, and put his head on his knees. He sobbed. Nat finally gave up on trying to help him keep it together, and placed a hand on his back.   
“I fucked up.” Bucky sobbed. “I fucked up.” He repeated it over and over again.  
“If you say that one more time, I swear…” Despite Nat’s annoyance, she didn't stop comforting him.   
“Sorry.”  
“Bucky?”   
“What?”  
“It isn't your fault.”  
“Yes it is.”  
“No. And Steve doesn't think differently.”  
“I'm a monster.” Bucky said. Nat sighed exasperatedly.  
“Why do I bother.” Nat murmured.   
“Hey guys.” A tired Wanda sat next to Bucky.  
“When?” Bucky glanced over at her.  
“Natasha texted me.” Wanda's eyes were red from tears. “So what happ—.” Natasha frantically motioned for her to stop the question. “has the doctor said.” She corrected.  
“Nothing yet.” Nat said. Bucky got up, and ran to the bathroom. He locked himself into the single room. He sobbed, then threw up in the toilet, which caused him to sob even harder.   
“Bucky.” Wanda's voice came through the door.  
“Go away.” Bucky yelled.   
“Are you ok?” Wanda asked.   
“What do you think!” Bucky snarled.  
“I can easily open this door.” Wanda sighed. Silence. “Fine.” The door clicked open. “Out!”  
“Leave!” Bucky sobbed. Wanda dragged him out, and back next to Natasha. Bucky sat three seats away from them.  
“Bucky you'll be ok.” Wanda kneeled in front of him.  
“I'm not okay.” Bucky grumbled. “I'm not o-fucking-kay.” Wanda placed two fingers on each of Bucky's temples. He pushed her hand away.  
“Bucky, you need to calm down.” Wanda chided. “If you won't do it yourself, I'm going to have to do it.”  
He said nothing. Wanda was starting to get frustrated. “Listen to me, we all fuck up, but sometimes we gotta keep our shit. You can cry and all that, but you can not lose yourself. You hear me? You gotta be there for Steve, no matter what. When he comes out of surgery, you gotta be the first one he sees. You hear?”  
“I'm sorry.” Bucky whispered.   
“It's ok.” Wanda sighed, she hugged Bucky tightly. He took several deep breaths. “You gonna calm down?”  
“Yeah.” Bucky said weakly. Wanda pulled back, and gently tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. She smiled at him, and Bucky smiled weakly back at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, ummm, yeaah. That's that? I mean yeah it's depressing, and angsty and whatever but I really loved writing it. I hope you guys loved reading it.


	29. Coming to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!

They sat in the waiting for hours. Wanda slept through most of it. Her head resting on Bucky's shoulder. It seemed impossible for Natasha to stay still. She was constantly pacing back and forth, fidgeting with her hands. She eventually sat next to Bucky, and let out an exasperated sigh.  
“I'm sorry, Nat.” Bucky mumbled.  
“S’alright.” Nat leaned her elbows on her knees.   
“But it's not. I shouldn't lose it like that. I just don't know what I would do if—” Bucky choked on the words. “If I lost—”  
“I get it.” Nat said. “Just don't cry.”  
“Trying.” Bucky huffed a laugh.   
“You're laughing.” Nat grinned.  
“That's a start.” Bucky shrugged.   
“He really loves you.” Nat said, a bit more seriously. “Steve. He really does.”  
“I know.” Bucky blushed.  
“No.” Nat shook her head. “You know that he loves you, but you don't understand how much he loves you. Steve would die for you. Not only that, he'd live for you. He'd make sure he stayed alive no matter what, just for you. He'd walk through hell for you. He'd bare all your pain and suffering, if it meant you were free from it. He loves you more than you could possibly imagine. You think shooting him is going to affect how much he loves you? If you really believe that, you need to learn more about Steve. He loves you so so so much, so smile, and hold yourself together, for him.” Tears trailed down Bucky's cheeks. He smiled at her, and Nat hugged him.   
“I love him so much.” Bucky said, voice shaking.  
“I mean like we love you too.” Nat laughed. “You know that, right?”  
“Of course.” Bucky sniffed. Nat still held him tightly. There hug only broke when a doctor came through a door.  
“James Buchanan?” The doctor called. Bucky was up in a flash. His stomach did literally somersaults, as he walked over to the doctor. “He's ok. He came out of surgery not too long ago. You can come to his room.” Bucky was so stunned that he didn't say anything. So Natasha stepped up, a tired Wanda standing next to her.  
“That's fantastic.” Nat said cheerfully. “May we go?”  
“Right this way.” The doctor motioned for them to follow him. They did. He lead them down several halls, before opening a door to a room. Steve lay on a hospital bed, tubes sticking out of his arms, oxygen tubes in his nose. In the white hospital gown, he looked almost angelic, but he looked too tired, too weak.   
“Take it slow with him.” The doctor said. “Someone will check on him soon. Natasha thanked him, and her and Wanda stepped into the room. Bucky still stood at the door, choking back tears. Nat turned around and saw the tears in his eyes.   
“Hey, hey.” She cooed, taking his hand. “Shhh, it's ok. He's ok. See. He's fine.” Bucky's lower lip trembled violently. He bit it.   
“I'm ok.” Bucky said, he slipped his hand away from Nat, and pulled up a chair next to the bed. He gently kissed Steve's forehead, than sat in the chair. He gently ran his fingers through Steve's golden hair. “I'm sorry, Stevie.” Bucky whispered. “I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't. I love you. I love you.” A young nurse, with long brown hair came into the room. She spent several minutes checking the machines, and the medicines, making notes. She talked with Nat as she worked. Bucky didn't hear much of their conversation. His eyes were locked on Steve. The nurse put a hand Bucky's shoulder.  
“He should be awake soon.” She said, and gave him a small smile, before leaving. Bucky took one of Steve's hands in his. He kissed the back of his hand.   
“Why didn't you tell them my last name?” Bucky asked.  
“What?” Nat said.  
“You told them my name was James Buchanan, you used my first and middle name. Not my last. Why?” Bucky didn't look away from Steve.  
“Your name is too recognizable. Especially linked with Steve's.” Nat shrugged. “It was— logical.”  
“You're way too kind to me.” Bucky said, glancing over at Nat.   
“It would be cruel to be anything but kind to you.” Nat sighed. “Plus, how could I be cruel to you? For starters, you're adorable in every sense of the word. Plus Steve would kill me if I was mean to you.” Nat smirked, and Bucky laughed lightly.  
“He sure would.” Wanda said. They sat quietly in that room, for several minutes. Anxiously waiting. Bucky felt his eyes being to close. He was very tired. His head fell.   
“Barnes.” Nat whispered harshly. Bucky's head shot up, and he looked over at her, she motioned towards Steve. He looked over at him. Steve eyes were open. He blinked, and slowly looked over at Bucky, with tears in his eyes.   
“Hey Stevie.” Bucky whispered, he forced a smile. Tears streamed down Steve's cheeks. He cried. Bucky had to try so hard not to cry himself. “Shhh, don't cry. Stevie, don't cry. Shhh. Don't cry.” Bucky continued to run his fingers through Steve's hair.   
“Bucky.” Steve sobbed. “Bucky.”  
“Shhh.” Bucky cooed. “Shhh, I'm here. Don't cry.”  
“Bucky.” Steve groaned. “It hurts.” Steve cried harder.  
“I know.” Bucky swallowed to clear the tears. “I know. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.”  
“It isn't your fault.” Steve choked. “Don't you dare blame yourself.”  
“But I pulled the trigger.” Bucky shook his head.   
“Bucky.” Nat hissed.   
“Sorry.” Bucky mumbled.  
“You didn't do anything stupid while I was out, right?” Steve asked dryly.   
“How could I?” Bucky smiled. “You took all the stupid with you.”  
“Doubt it.” Steve weakly lifted a hand to touch Bucky's face. Steve tried to smile. He tried. But he just grimaced, and cried harder.   
“Steve, no more tears.” Bucky said.   
“Were you crying?” Steve asked, peering into Bucky's eyes.  
“No.” Bucky lied, breaking Steve's gaze.  
“I can always tell when you're lying.” Steve sucked in his lower lip. He was in pain, Bucky could tell. “You don't look at me when you lie.”   
“No.” Bucky lied again. Still not meeting Steve eyes.  
“Why don't you look at me when you lie?” Steve sounded so heartbroken. Bucky realized that Nat and Wanda had left the room. They were alone.  
“I can't lie to you.” Bucky mumbled. “Not to your face. I can see the disappointment in your eyes. I can't deal with your disappointment. It's too much for me.”  
“I'm not disappointed, I'm just… sad.” Steve looked up at the ceiling. “Sad that you don't trust me.”   
“I do trust you. I just don't want you to worry about me.” Bucky said.   
“I'm gonna worry about either way.” Steve sighed. More salty tears streamed down his cheeks.   
“I was crying.” Bucky said, and Steve looked at him. “I hated myself for what happened. I cried. Nat yelled at me for crying. Sorry, snapped at me, she didn't yell. Wanda helped. But I still cried.”  
“You were playing with my hair.” Steve smiled slightly. “You don't usually do that. You do unusual things when you're hurting. Take my hand.” Bucky did, his flesh hand. Steve held it gently. Bucky began to run his fingers through Steve's hair again. Tears still fell from Steve's eyes, but he seemed more content. “You should go home, and rest.” His eyes slowly closed, as he slowly drifted to sleep. Bucky gently kissed Steve's cheek, and started to cry. He cried, hiccuping after a every few sobs.   
“Barnes.” Nat had come back. She placed a hand on his back. “Shh, if you cry like that, you'll throw up.”  
“I don't care anymore. I did this to him.” Bucky sobbed. “I put him through this.”  
“C’mon. Let's go take a walk.” Nat insisted.  
“No.” Bucky shook his head. “I won't leave him. I can't leave him.”  
“Bucky, if you're gonna keep beating yourself up about this, you can't sit here.” Nat tried to pull him up. “Get up!”  
“Nat!” Bucky cried.  
“Shhhh!” Nat snarled. “Just get up, Barnes.”  
“I can't leave him.” Bucky whispered.  
“You're not. You'll be back.” Nat tried again to get him up, this time with a bit more success, as she got him off the chair.   
“Fine.” Bucky sighed. Once again, he kissed Steve’s forehead. Nat lead him out of the room. They walked quietly down the white halls, passing rooms with other patients, and chating nurses. They walked to a small seating area, that overlooked the streets. Sitting in a chair, a sudden realization hit Bucky.  
“Hey Nat.” He said.  
“Yeah.” She turned to face him, her voice quickly becoming concerned when she saw his face. “What's wrong?”  
“They're gonna take me away.” Bucky whispered.  
“What?” Nat asked.  
“They're gonna take me away.” Bucky repeated a little louder. “They'll take me away from you hours. Away from Steve. She'll make sure of it. She'll make sure I never see you guys again. Fuck. Why didn't I think about this earlier? They'll take me. They've got a reason to now.” Bucky voice trailed off, as he sat, silently, no tears, no sobs, just utter heartbreak.  
“What?” Nat didn't sound any less confused. “Who will take you away? Who's she? Why would she want you be taken away?”  
“The government.” Bucky said. “They'll take me away, lock me in some prison, maybe kill me. I don't know. She'll make sure of it.”  
“Who is she!?” Nat yelled.  
“Sharon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's that. will sharon come and take Bucky, or will something stop her. does anything stop her? well that's all for now. Bye!


	30. No One's to Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's been a minute

“Carter?” Nat exclaimed. “Sharon Carter? She's out to get you? Why the hell— oh. Shit.” Nat sat in a chair next to Bucky.   
“Yeah.” Bucky sighed. “A while back, like when Steve came back, she called, and said that she could have me taken away to god knows where. With this fuck up now, I'll get taken away for sure.”  
“Well, we could just not tell them.” Nat shrugged.  
“They police will wonder what happened.” Bucky said. “They'll ask questions, do investigations. Thank you find my fingerprints on the gun. They'll take me in. Sharon will suggest, whatever she wants done with me, and I'll be gone.”  
“We can prevent that from happening.” Nat promised.  
“No, we can't.” Bucky just shook his head.  
“We already did.” Another voice came from behind them. They turned, and there stood Tony.  
“What?” Bucky asked.   
“When'd you get here?” Nat asked.  
“I told the police that it was a training malfunction. That he was training in his room, and didn't dodge a bullet. That's the story. Well, that's the public story. They know what actually happened, because the press story wasn't logical, but I explained the circumstances, and we should be ok.” Tony explained. Bucky stared at him in awe.  
“Thank you.” Was all he could manage.  
“Don't worry bout it bud.” Tony patted his shoulder before sitting down. “Just don't shoot anymore of my friends, k?”  
“Yeah.” Bucky sulked. Nat shot Tony a slightly annoyed look.  
“Besides,” Tony sighed. “Steve would be absolutely miserable without you.”  
“And I'd be miserable without him.” Bucky began to tap his foot.  
“That's also true.” Tony said.   
“Thank you, Tony.” Bucky turned to face him.  
“It's no biggie.” Tony shrugged.  
“But it is to me.” Bucky insisted. He stared down into his hands.  
“Have you seen him yet?” Tony asked. Nat nodded. “How’d he look?”  
“Ok.” Nat said. “Barnes saw him for longer than I did.”  
“How was he?” Tony asked Bucky.  
“He said he was in pain.” Bucky said, his lower lip trembling. “He cried, he looked so hurt.”  
“Barnes, stop.” Nat said with surprising gentleness. “You’re beating yourself up.”  
“I deserve it.” Bucky muttered.   
“I don’t think that. Tony doesn’t think that.” Nat said. “Steve doesn’t think that. You can not control your mind. And it’s awful that you can’t. But you can’t blame yourself for what you can’t control. It’s not fair. You didn’t do anything to deserve any of this. But this is where we are. And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” No one said anything. Bucky stared at his feet. He stared for a long time, not wanting to move. Nat brought him a glass of water, and forced him to drink, though it nearly made him sick.   
“You should go home. Get some rest.” Tony advised.  
“You really should.” Nat agreed.  
“I’m not leaving Steve.” Bucky sighed. “I’m going back to his room.”  
“Don’t.” Nat pleaded. “You’ll make yourself feel worse.”  
“I’ve gotta be there for him.” Bucky said, getting up.   
“Go home.” Nat insisted.  
“No.” Bucky cried.   
“It wasn't a suggestion.” Nat said seriously. There was a silent standoff between the two of them. Both unflinching.   
“What the heck is going on here?” Wanda had come from Steve’s room.   
“Nat wants Barnes to go home, Barnes doesn’t want to.” Tony briefly explained.   
“Oh.” Wanda said. “Bucky you really should go home. Get some sleep. I can help, like with the nightmares.” Bucky spun to face her, almost falling over in the process.   
“What?” He asked.   
“I mean, I have to be there, and like I have to more or less focus, but I think, I can help with your nightmares.” Wanda sound semi-confident.  
“And you're just telling me this now?!” Bucky cried.   
“Well, they clear have gotten worse, and I'm not gonna stay up all night, helping you sleep.” Wanda said. “Just come home. And I'll help. We can come back to Steve tomorrow.”  
“Fine!” Bucky sighed loudly. Wanda winked at Nat, who mouthed a silent, thank you.   
“Wait one of you is coming with us right?” Wanda asked. “Because I can’t drive, and he shouldn’t drive.”  
“Wait, then how’d you get here?” Tony asked.  
“I can fly.” Wanda shrugged.  
“Right.” Tony said.  
“I’ll go.” Nat shrugged, “I’ve been here too long.”  
“Ok.” Wanda said. Bucky shot Nat another angry glare, before leaving.   
“He’s gonna hate me.” Nat sighed.  
“He’s just shaken up.” Tony said.  
“Yeah. I don't think it's gonna get any better any time soon.” Nat shook her head.  
“It's gonna be ok.” Tony said. “I'm staying here for now.”  
“Ok. See you later.” Nat left. 

The car ride back was tense. Bucky sat in the passenger seat, and Wanda in the back, Nat was driving— obviously. Bucky sat, with his arms folded across his chest, pouting like a little kid.   
“Look, Bucky.” Nat said. “I know how much Steve means to you, and I know you want to be by his side, but you have to look out for yourself as well. You can't let yourself go, ok. Steve needs you to be you.”   
“I can't sleep. I'm too sick of myself to eat. How can I be me, when I can't even prevent myself from shooting the one person I love?” Bucky asked sadly. Nat didn't say anything for a moment.  
“I don't know.” She admitted softly. Silence. Silence for the rest of the ride. When Bucky was finally back on his floor, several minutes later, his legs started to shake. But he didn't see the gun, or the blood, and the coffee table was no longer overturned. Steve shield still leaned against the couch. He dragged himself to the shower. The water burned, but he didn't care. He wished the water would wash away the pain. Hoped the water would burn away his memories. Yet he still remembered, and was still hurting. It was wishful thinking. It always was. He got out, and went to his room. He put on sweatpants and a soft tshirt before returning to the living room. He collapsed onto the couch.  
“Bucky?” Wanda was in the open elevator. Bucky weakly lifted an arm. Wanda leaned over the couch to look down at him.   
“What?” Bucky asked.  
“Stop blaming yourself.” Wanda said, walking around the couch. “And don't tell me otherwise.” She sat on the end.   
“Can you really make the nightmares go away?” Bucky asked.  
“I'm pretty sure I can, but only temporarily.” Wanda said.   
“Ok.” Bucky sighed.   
“Just don’t think about any powerful, negative memories.” Wanda said. She placed two fingers on his forehead. Bucky's eyes snapped shut. He slipped into a dream. Not a nightmare, but a dream. He sat on a grassy hilltop, Steve was next to him. He smiled. They laughed. Blissful, peaceful, unsettling. It started as a speck. A small speck on Steve's shirt. It grew into a dot, a red dot. Right over his heart. Steve's smiled became sad, he reached out and touched Bucky's face. Then fell backwards. He sunk into the ground. The image caught fire, then disappeared as Bucky woke, screaming.   
“I'm sorry.” Wanda cried. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” She hugged Bucky. He cried. “I fell asleep. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” He cried even harder. “It’s ok. I’m sorry. Your ok now. I’m sorry. You’re safe.”   
Safe, Bucky thought, what a meaningless word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeelllllllllllll, that was fun. The angst is real, it always is. It will be back, as will I.


	31. The Books

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long

Bucky sat on the couch, hugging his knees.   
“You slept for like—” Wanda checked her phone. “ — ten hours. I fell asleep around the seventh.”  
“Wow.” Bucky mumbled. “I don't think I've slept for that long in years. Decades even. Thank you.”  
“Of course.” Wanda smiled. “It's 4 am now.”  
“Got it.” Bucky nodded. “You should go get some sleep.”  
“I can't leave you.” Wanda insisted.  
“I'll be fine.” Bucky promised.   
“You sure?” Wanda asked.   
“Positive.” Bucky nodded.  
“Ok.” Wanda said wearily. “You sure?”  
“Yes!” Bucky laughed. “I'll be fine.” He was lying, obviously.  
“Ok.” Wanda gave up. She reluctantly left. Bucky went to the bedroom. He knelt next to the bed, and slid his hand underneath. He pulled out a lidded box. He removed the lid. Inside was a collection of books, some old, some newer. Bucky gently took them out, placing them into two piles. One of reads, and one of unreads. He knew for sure of about fifteen that Steve had read. The other twenty he was sure he'd never seen him reading. He looked through the pile of unfamiliar books. Bucky himself had only read on or two of Steve's collection, and all the other titles were alien to him. He spread all the books out on the floor. He picked up one, and read the synopsis, then he placed it on the floor face down. He didn't that for several books. With some of them he read as much as the first few chapters. He must've sat there for two hours. There was a light knocking on the door frame.   
“What are you?” Sam asked. “Barnes n Noble?”  
“Shut up.” Bucky snarled. “Why are you here?”  
“Because I thought you could use the company.” Sam said, his tone softening. Bucky sighed loudly.  
“I can take care of myself.” Bucky said each word separately. “I don’t need to be babysat.”  
“Fine then.” Sam turned to leave. “I’ll go.”  
“No!” Bucky said quickly, before lowering his voice. “Don’t go— please.”  
“I’m not your babysitter.” Sam teased.  
“Shut up.” Bucky snapped.   
“Then I'll just go.” Sam said.  
“No. I’m sorry. Don’t leave.” Bucky pleaded, he sounded fragile.  
“Ok, ok.” Sam sat down next to Bucky. “So what are you doing?”  
“Well, these are all Steve's books. That pile—” He pointed to the pile of read books. “is one of all he books he's read. And all the other books are ones he hasn’t read.”  
“But why are they on the floor?” Sam asked.  
“I’m trying to find one to bring to the hospital, to read to Steve.” Bucky said.   
“Oh.” Sam said nodding. “So you're reading all the stuff on the back or what?”  
“That's what I've been doing.” Bucky said, he pointed to one of the books. “I like this one a lot.” Sam picked it up and read the title.  
“The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien.”  
“Yep.” Bucky nodded. “I think I'll take that one. Are you gonna come?”  
“You can't go now.” Sam said. “It's like six. Plus, you need to collect yourself.”  
“I'm fine.” Bucky said frowning.  
“Nope.” Sam shook his head. “You're distracting yourself.”  
“It's that better than thinking about it?” Bucky asked.  
“Not really. You're problem is still gonna be there.” Sam said. “So, what's the deal.”  
“I shot Steve, dammit.” Bucky choked on a sob. “I could've killed him. He wouldn't have done anything. He would've died. And it would've been my fault.”  
“No.” Sam said. “It wouldn't have been. None of us would've blamed you. None of us blame you. It's not you.” Bucky bit hard on his lip.  
“It was me though. It was my hand that pulled the trigger.” Bucky started crying. “It was my hand.”  
“But not your mind.” Sam said, he placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder. “It wasn't your mind. Not your conscience. You can't blame yourself. If you do, I'll kick you.” Bucky huffed a laugh, and wiped his eyes. “Steve cares about you man, and when you drag yourself down like that it hurts him too, because he knows who you are, and tries to tell you that it's not you, but you just keep on dragging yourself down, and that hurts him, it also makes us worry about you.”  
“Why?” Bucky swallowed hard.   
“Because that sorta thing leads down a dark path.” Sam said. “Trust me, I know. I've worked with people with PTSD and all sorts of mental illnesses. I don't want you to suffer, at all. So talk to people, talk to me, or Wanda, or Nat. Talk to Steve for goodness sake. He's you're fiancé, and you don't even talk to him about what's going on mentally. It's important to talk about this stuff. So, talk to someone. Please. Promise me. Promise me you'll talk to someone. Please.”   
“Ok.” Bucky whispered.   
“Promise. Me.” Sam broke up each word.  
“Ok, ok I will.” Bucky said half heartedly.  
“No.” Sam replied. “I don't make people promise things for nothing. I want you Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, to promise me that you will talk to Steve about how you feel, everyday, and for you to listen to Steve about how he feels, everyday, got it.”  
“I promise that I'll talk to Steve.” Bucky said.  
“Good, because if you didn't I would've had Wanda pick your brain.” Sam smiled jokingly. Bucky pushed him. “C’mon, I'll drive you to the hospital, so you can read to Sleeping Beauty.”  
“Shut up.” Bucky sighed.   
“Come on.” Sam stood up, and stretched out a hand. “Get up.” Bucky took his hand, and Sam pulled him up. “Shit, you're heavy”  
“I'm pure muscle, Birdman.” Bucky said.  
“Whatever.” Sam rolled his eyes.

They got to the hospital around seven. It shouldn't have taken that long, but morning commute traffic slowed them down. There was no one at the registration desk, so they just went to Steve's room. Sam went in first, and Bucky hesitated at the door. Steve still looked to weak. He could feel his eyes start to tear. He stepped inside, and slowly walked over to the bed. He gently kissed Steve’s forehead, before sitting in the chair next to him. Steve started to stir. His eyelids slowly lifted, and he blinked a few times, and looked over at Bucky. He smiled weakly.  
“Hey, Jerk.” Steve whispered.  
“Punk.” Bucky smiled.  
“Did you sleep?” Steve asked.  
“Yeah.” Bucky nodded, with tears in his eyes.  
“For like what? Ten minutes?” Steve mumbled.  
“Try ten hours.” Bucky boasted.  
“Wow, that’s really good.” Steve smiled, but winced. He reached out to Bucky, and Bucky took his hand. Steve noticed the book. “Whatcha go there?”  
“Oh.” Bucky showed Steve the book. “You haven’t read this one yet, so I thought I’d read it to you.”  
“Aw, Buck.” Steve sighed, and then winced.   
“Does it hurt?” Bucky asked.  
“No.” Steve lied.  
“Steve, you gotta tell them if it hurts.” Bucky pleaded.  
“Just—” Steve inhaled sharply. “just read.”  
“Ok.” Bucky opened the book. His voice started out small, a meer murmur, but as he gingerly turned the pages his words started to fill the room. Flowing over anyone who stepped inside. Doctors and nurses would come and go, but he kept reading. He sensed that Steve had fallen asleep, but he didn't stop. He didn't stop until he felt himself drift to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, little angst, some fluff, sorry it took forever, i've been busy. I'm trying to get better with posting. See you soon. Oh, and I love The Hobbit, great book.


	32. Truths and Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just realized all my chapter titles are hella corny *shrug*

Steve woke slowly, the sunlight streamed through the windows. He looked over at Bucky, he was asleep, the book lay on his lap. Sam wasn't there. A brown haired nurse walked into the room. She smiled at him.  
“How are you feeling?” She asked, as she checked various things.  
“Ok.” Steve said, keeping an eye on Bucky.  
“Who’s he?” The nurse asked, a small smile on her lips.  
“My fiance.” Steve said proudly, he couldn’t help but also smile.  
“Oh! Congratulations!” She chirped. Steve smiled over at Bucky, but his smile quickly faded when he saw Bucky’s face contort into a frown. His fist clenched, and he started to mumble. Steve tried not to panic.  
“Excuse me.” Steve tried to sound calm. “Would you mind waking him for me?” The nurse looked at him curiously.  
“Let him sleep.” She said.  
“No, ma’am, you don’t understand.” Steve started.  
“What?” She said, slightly annoyed.  
“He has awful nightmares, and I know what he looks like when he has them. So if you really wanna test my knowledge of my fiance, go ahead, but if you don’t want a lot of screaming, then I would wake him.” Steve sounded more and more anxious with every word.  
“Screaming? You’re gonna scream?” The nurse raised an eyebrow.  
“Not me, him. Please, wake him.” Steve begged, and she finally relented. She gently shook Bucky’s shoulder until his eyes opened in a wide panic. He looked around the room frantically.  
“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” Steve cooed, he reached out and took Bucky’s hand.   
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Bucky sobbed, tears streaming from his eyes.  
“It's ok, it’s ok.” Steve ran his thumb over Bucky’s knuckles. Bucky hung his head silently, and let tears fall off his chin.  
“I— I’m sorry. Dr. Thomas will be with you shortly.” The nurse said quickly before leaving hastily.  
“Buck?” Steve whispered, but Bucky didn’t move. “Bucky?” Still nothing. “James!” Bucky looked up slowly.  
“Why can’t I forget?” He asked.  
“What?” Steve said.  
“Why can’t I forget?” Bucky repeated. “Why can’t I forget the things I did? The screams, the tears the blood, and that damn pain? Why won’t it just all go away? What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I could’ve killed you, dammit, I could’ve killed you, I could’ve…” His voice trailed off.   
“Buck…” Steve cooed.  
“I should’ve told you.” Bucky shook his head. “I should’ve talked to you. The nightmares got worse. I started hearing the words, I just didn’t think that they would… you know. I should’ve talked to you about all the night I didn’t sleep. I’d go to the training room, and work till I hurt, and then I’d get back in bed and act like nothing happened. I lied, and I’m sorry. Nothing is ok, I’m not ok, and I just didn’t tell you, I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I swear, but I just couldn’t bring myself to telling you. I don’t know why, and I’m so so sorry.” There was only silence. Bucky didn’t meet Steve’s eyes. He knew he’d hurt him. When he finally did look at Steve, he was staring at the ceiling, tears streaming down his cheeks.  
“Steve… I…” Bucky tried to speak but couldn't. Steve just shook his head, biting on his lower lip so he wouldn't sob.   
“Barnes, what did you do?” Nat cried, she was standing in the doorway.   
“I— I—” Bucky choked. He got up and Nat pulled him outside.  
“What happened to keeping it together.” She hissed.   
“I'm sorry— I'm sorry.” Bucky sobbed.   
“Shhhh, it’s ok.” Nat said.  
“It's not, it’s not.” Bucky whispered.   
“Go.” Nat pointed back into the room.  
“No, he doesn't wanna talk to me.” Bucky blinked back more tears that fell anyway.   
“I don't care, just go.” Nat pushed him.   
“No, you go!” Bucky yelled.  
“Shhh.” Nat snarled. “You fucked up, and you gotta fix it. Got it? Now go!” She glared at him, and he relented. Bucky slowly walked back to Steve's side.   
“I don't know what to say to you right now.” Steve whispered.  
“I didn't even expect you to talk.” Bucky admitted.  
“What am I supposed to say?” Steve asked.  
“I don't know.” Bucky hung his head. “But—”  
“Can this wait? Till we get home at least?” Steve pleaded. Bucky only nodded slightly.  
“Hello, Mr. Rogers.” A cheerful voice came from the doorway. “I am Dr. Thomas.” They both turned to the woman. She had dark skin, and her black hair was pulled back in a large bun.   
“Hello.” Steve swallowed hard to clear away the tears. He forced a pained smile.   
“How are you feeling today?” Dr. Thomas asked as she looked at his charts.  
“Ok.” Steve said.  
“Any pain?”   
“Some.”  
“Any nausea or headaches?”  
“I feel a little nauseous.”  
“Ok. I'm gonna have you sit all the way up, ok?”  
“Ok.” Steve nodded. He reached out for Bucky's hand. Bucky didn't move. “Please.” Steve begged. Bucky was paralyzed with emotion. He wanted to reach out, and take Steve's hand. To hold it tightly, and never let go, but he couldn't move. “Buck?”  
“Barnes!” Nat hissed. Bucky partially snapped out of it. He took a wary step back, before turning and running out the door. He immediately ran into Sam, literally.   
“Whoa!” Sam cried. “Hey, hey what's wrong. Barnes. Hey!” Bucky just got up and ran off, weaving in and out of doctors and nurses. “BARNES!”  
“Did he leave?” Nat asked.   
“Yep.” Sam sighed. “I'll go find him.”  
“No let me.” Nat said.   
“You're not that empathetic.”  
“I know what happened.”  
“He's probably running home.”  
“He wouldn't.”  
“But he would.”  
“He would.” Steve chimed in. “You guys gotta help him. Please.”  
“We know.” Nat said, sounding slightly annoyed.  
“Maybe we should just leave him be.” Sam whispered so that only Nat can hear him. “It could be best for him. Like we’ll make sure he went back to the tower, but maybe he just needs some space.”  
“That's not a good idea.” Nat shook her head.   
“We've never tried.”  
“No.”  
“Why?”  
“Because!”  
“Because is not an answer.”  
“You want to leave him, in the current state that he's in, all alone?”  
“Yes.”  
“You don't see how that's a problem?!”  
“I see it just fine. But, sometimes we gotta do things differently. Everytime someone's talked to him, it's lead to him talking to Steve, correct? But he's also speaking from his current emotion, which is usually not a positive one. So if we give him time to calm down, maybe he could work things out himself.” Dead silence.  
“If this fucking goes miserably,” Nat said sharply. “I'm blaming you.”  
“Fine.” Sam crossed his arms. Dr. Thomas was standing next to them.  
“Who was that?” She asked.  
“His fiancé.” Nat mumbled.  
“Is their relationship, like, ok?” Dr. Thomas asked hesitantly. Sam and Nat just stared at her with annoyed looks. “It's not abusive in any way?”  
“Excuse me?” Nat snarled.  
“Like, they do have a stable relationship, right?” Dr. Thomas said cautiously.  
“He's a WWII veteran who was frozen in ice for 70 years, and the other one is also a veteran who fell off a train, lost his arm, and was then a war prisoner, who was turned into a mindless assassin. You tell me what's stable about that.” Nat snapped.   
“Then I'll take that as a no.” Dr. Thomas turned to leave.  
“Yeah no shit sweetheart!” Nat yelled as she walked away.   
“Ok, and that's enough.” Sam sighed, and wrapped a hand around Nat waist. Lifting her slightly, he dragged her into Steve's room. She squirmed and tried to get free, but Sam was quick. “Calm the fuck down.”  
“Who the FUCK does she think she is?” Nat shouted.  
“Nat.” Sam said hesitantly.   
“No!” She snapped. “She had no right to! No right at all! AT FUCKING ALL!” Sam opened his mouth to talk, but she cut him off before he could say anything. “He a fucking fragile person, she just doesn't understand, god dammit!”  
“You need to lower your voice.” Sam hissed.  
“What happened?” Steve croaked, he was clutching the small book.  
“That bi—” Sam clamped his hand over her mouth.   
“The doctor was asking some, um, intrusive questions about you and Barnes’s relationship.” Sam said quietly.   
“As in…?” Steve pressed.   
“She thought you guys had an abusive relationship.” Sam sighed, he dropped his hand.  
“Oh.” Steve hung his head. Nat stepped over to him.   
“He’s gonna be ok, Steve.” Nat promised. “We’re just going to let him calm down.”  
“He shouldn’t be alone, Nat.” Steve said, tears starting to stream down his cheeks. “Don’t leave him alone. Please, please.”  
“Neither of us should go after him.” Nat took his hand. “Neither of us know what to say, or what to do, and he needs time. And I’m sorry, but you can’t go after him. But we’ll make sure he gets back to the tower, and that he’s ok.”  
“Promise?” Steve asked.  
“Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while. I actually have no time to do anything. I'm tryin here, thanks for sticking with me. Do I still have to apologize for the angst? I don't know. Sorry for the angst. *Shrug*
> 
> OMG MY FRIEND READ ALL MY STORY FROM THE BEGINNING AND I ACTUALLY CRIED. sorry, that was irrelevant. ok. bye.


	33. Pillows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It's like the middle of the night, and i'm posting, why? bc i feel like it, plus no one can stop me soooooo, whatever. I'm just gonna say now: angst. that's all, enjoy.

Bucky collapsed, face first, onto the couch. He let out a sob that racked his body. He didn’t know what to do. He’d run. He’d run from Steve. Why? Why had he run? Why hadn’t he taken Steve’s hand?  
“You were afraid.” It was Wanda's voice, but it was in his head. “You were afraid to hurt him more, you knew you'd hurt him.”  
“Get out.” Bucky mumbled.  
“You should've taken his hand.” Her voice continued in his head.  
“GET OUT!” Bucky screamed. The voice stopped. He sobbed. “Get out. Get out.” He heard the elevator door open. Not caring who it was, he picked up a pillow and threw it as hard as he could yelling, “GO AWAY!”  
“Do you throw pillows at everyone? Or is it just me?” A man said, in a thickly accented voice. “I understand that I am not the most beloved god but that’s a little harsh. I thought we were” He hesitated. “Friends.”  
“Loki?” Bucky sat up.  
“Surprised?” The god raised an eyebrow.  
“Kinda.” Bucky wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Sorry about the pillow, it's been a rough couple days.”  
“I would assume that much.” Loki said. Bucky pulled his knees to his chest, and hugged his legs.  
“So what brings you here?” He asked. “As in, to Earth.”  
“Thor was visiting, so I thought I might as well come along.” Loki shrugged.  
“Oh.” Bucky nodded slowly.   
“And then the witch told me you were being miserable, so I came to see the damage.” Loki added.  
“The witch? Oh… Wanda.” Bucky felt bad for yelling at her.  
“Yes, Wanda.” The god sat hesitantly on the edge of the couch. “So, um, what happened?”  
“I shot Steve.” Bucky mumbled. Silence from the god. “I shot the only person who I have ever loved.”  
“You weren't in you're right mind.”  
“I still did it. Don't tell me it was not my fault.”  
“I wasn't going to.”  
“Don't try— wait what?”  
“I wasn't going to tell you it wasn't your fault.”  
“Oh.” Bucky hung his head.   
“I was going to tell we have to live with our demons.” Loki said. “And our faults and nightmares. We must learn to live with them, so we can learn from them, and finally conquer them. There is nothing else to it. We eventually will surmount our demons, and replace them with triumphs, and we'll replace out nightmares with hopes and dreams. But it takes effort, and you cannot give up, no matter how hard it is.”  
“Sometimes life just throws a pillow at your head.” Bucky choked out the words.   
“Indeed.” The god sighed. “Believe me when I tell you I mean every word of what I next say. You are one of the bravest human beings I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. In fact, one of the only people who I've considered a pleasure meeting— odd. You are kind, strong, and so incredibly accepted. You befriended me, when no one else would, when everyone else pushed my aside. Do you know how much that means to me? You're an amazing person, and it's horrendous what they did to you. It's unfair, and cruel, and you didn't deserve it, you don't deserve any of this pain. But you do deserve happiness. So what does bring you the most happiness?”  
“Steve, Steve does.” Bucky chewed on his lower lip. “But also the most pain. I'm afraid to hurt him, I fear for his life, because of mine. It's not supposed to be that way. I'm not supposed to feel that the continuation of my life is potentially dangerous to the lives of others. Why is it so hard? Why is life so hard? Why does it all have to be so hard?”  
“I've been alive for hundreds of years, and I don't even understand.” Loki said softly.   
“I don't think he'll love me anymore.” Bucky whispered.  
“DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT!” Wanda's voice, she was shouting from behind the couch. Bucky turned to face her, he could see the tears streaming down her face. “Don't you ever say that.”  
“I thought I told you to go away.” Bucky snapped.  
“You're about to fall into a pit.” Wanda said.  
“Go away.”  
“You won't be able to climb out.”  
“Leave.”  
“You need help.”  
“Stop.”  
“He loves you more than anything in the world.”  
“STOP IT!” Bucky screamed. “STOP IT NOW!”  
“Keep thinking like this, and you'll only hurt yourself.” Wanda sighed.  
“Better me than someone else!” Bucky sobbed. Tears fell from the his chin. “Why can't it just be me!”  
“BECAUSE PEOPLE CARE!” Wanda yelled. “Can you imagine what it would do to Steve, if you hurt yourself. How much he'd worry? And you have the NERVE, to say you think he will no longer love you. How fucking dare you. I get it, it's hard, trust me I understand, but you have gotta keep hope. You've got to always believe there's a positive side. You can't lose sight of the light, you can't give up. We can't lose you. I can't lose you. And god knows Steve couldn't lose you. He'd lose himself too. You know he would. We always tell you to keep it together, but we also understand how hard it is for you, but we know you can do it. We believe in you, so why can't you believe in yourself? Why do you wish it was you?”  
“I don't deserve any of this.” Bucky squeezed his eyes shut.  
“God dammit, why do you always have to make this difficult?” Wanda asked, and walked over and knelt in front of Bucky. She took his right hand in hers. “Look at me. You matter. You matter to so many people. Your presence, your personality, your being mean so much to some many of us. You mean a lot to me, and a lot to Nat, and Sam. And you mean the world to Steve. He loves you so much, so, so much and he won't ever stop loving you.” Bucky cried. He cried and cried, and Wanda hugged him tightly. Loki lightly placed his hand on his shoulder blade.   
“I should've taken his hand.” Bucky sobbed.  
“It's ok.” Wanda gently ran her hand over his hair. “It's gonna be ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed. I love Loki, i'm tired. bye!


	34. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back.

After several more days, Steve was finally able to leave. Bucky had visited him once or twice more. But he couldn't bring himself to talk much. He'd choke on his words. Steve wouldn't meet his eyes. It hurt. Bucky knew that Steve was hurting, he knew he'd hurt him. He couldn't bring himself to meet Steve's eyes. It all hurt. He hadn't slept either, which certainly didn't help. They were driving to get Steve now. Nat and Sam were in the front of the car, Bucky was sitting quietly in the back with Wanda.   
“Did you talk to the doctor yesterday?” Nat asked.  
“Yeah.” Sam sighed. “She started by saying, once again, that you're psycho, and they just need to run a few more test before they can release him.”  
“What did you do?” Wanda asked.  
“She screamed at the doctor,” Sam said. “for no reason.”  
“I screamed at the doctor because she was being a bitch.” Nat huffed.  
“Got it.” Wanda said.  
“Why did it take him so long to recover?” Sam whispered to Nat. “He heals faster than anyone.”  
“He's got a tad bit of a broken heart.” Nat whispered back. “They both do.”   
They walked into to Steve's room. He sat on the edge of the bed, reading. He was wearing his sweatpants and a black shirt. An IV still stuck in his right arm. He looked up and smiled.  
“Well you're looking good.” Nat smiled.  
“I'm feeling ok.” Steve closed the book, and set it aside. “I finally get to go home. It feels like forever.”  
“Yeah, then you can read a different book, instead of that one over and over.” Sam said. “How many is this?”  
“Six.” Steve said quietly.   
“Six! You've read that damn book six times?” Sam exclaimed.  
“Maybe.” Steve shrugged.  
“So Barnes picked a good one.” Nat added.  
“I guess so.” Steve smiled shyly at Bucky, who barely lifted the corner of his mouth, in a failed attempt to smiled back.   
“Hello everyone.” Dr. Thomas walked into the room. She cast Nat a nasty side eye. “You ready to leave Mr. Rogers?”  
“Yeah.” Steve nodded.  
“Ok, so for your medicines.” Dr. Thomas held up a sheet of paper. “This is your prescription. One’s for pain, one is an antibiotic. You need to get them from your local pharmacy. Who should I gives this to?” Everyone pointed at Bucky, who was too busy looking at the ground to notice. Nat nudged him. “Maybe someone else.”  
“Nope. Barnes is trustworthy.” Nat said, folding her arms. Dr.Thomas handed the paper to him cautiously. He slipped it into his pocket.   
“Ok, so we need to remove the IV, and do a final vital check, and you'll be good to go.” Dr. Thomas chirped. She gingerly removed the needle, and cover the hole with a cotton swab, and taped it down. She then proceeded to check his hearts and blood pressure, and others various things.   
“Think you're ready to stand?” Dr. Thomas asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve nodded, he looked directly at Bucky. “Will you help me?” His eyes begged him to help.  
“Yeah.” Bucky said. Steve got his feet, and wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck. Bucky wrapped his arms around his waist, and hugged him tightly. He felt tears start to pool in his eyes. He let Steve wrap his arm around his shoulders, and helped him stand up straight. Steve smiled at him, and this time Bucky smiled back more successfully. It was a slow walk back to the car. Lots of stumbling on Steve’s behalf, and Bucky almost dropped him once. Sam pulled the car around to the front of the hospital. Wanda got in first, and helped Bucky get Steve into the car, before he got in. Steve hugged Bucky’s arm, and rested his head on his shoulder.  
“We should go to the pharmacy to place the order for the medicine.” Sam said.   
“Shh!” Bucky hissed. Steve had fallen asleep almost instantly.  
“Sorry.” Sam said submissively. Bucky gently kissed the top of Steve's head. He rested his head on top of Steve's, and felt himself drift to sleep. He pinched himself. He wasn't going to let Steve out of his sight. Not now, at least.   
“I’m sorry.” Bucky whispered.  
“I still love you.” The words caught Bucky by surprise. He felt himself choking up.  
“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. Steve gets to come home. Maybe things will start going positively ( will it though?) see ya soon.


	35. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH IM SORRY!

Steve insisted he could walk by himself, but Bucky refused to let him. He lifted him out of the car, and carried him to the elevator. When they got to their floor he lay Steve in the couch.   
“Thanks.” Steve whispered. Bucky only smiled weakly. The next few days were fairly awkward. Steve and Bucky exchanged a minimal amount of words. Steve was back on his feet in no time, and Bucky still couldn't sleep more than an hour at a time. So everything seemed ‘normal’ and yet, it was very far from that. After a while Steve could no longer stand the quiet days and silent nights.  
“We need to talk.” He said on afternoon. Bucky sat on the couch reading, while Steve stood. It was clear Bucky had heard Steve, but he made no attempt to respond. “Fine, then we just won’t.”  
Steve turned to leave, but hesitate. “You know, there is one thing I’ve been meaning to ask you, ever since that hospital visit, and the answer truly terrifies me, but I need to know. The answer could truly emotionally devastate me, but I don’t care, this question is eating me up inside.”  
“Then ask it.” Bucky said, he closed his book and sat up. Steve inhaled.  
“Do you love me anymore?” The words hung in the air. Steve subconsciously let tears fall, while Bucky stared at him, expression blank.  
“What?” Bucky voice trembled violently.   
“I'm not saying it again.” Steve said, through more tears.   
“Why—” Bucky choked. “I— I don't know what— what am I—?” He tripped over the words.   
“Stop stammering!!” Wanda's voice, from inside his head.  
“I don’t— ” Bucky snapped at Steve. but stopped himself  
“What?” Steve asked, pain dripping from his voice.  
“You're gonna lose him. He's about to leave. Get yourself together!” Wanda's voice continued.   
“What do you mean? What the hell do you mean?” Steve sobbed. He called the elevator.   
“No, please, don't.” Bucky pleaded, he got up and grabbed Steve's wrist.   
“Let go, don't make this harder.” Steve hissed, he pushed Bucky, and he fell to the floor. Steve got in the elevator and frantically pushed the close button. He looked away as the door closed. Bucky threw the nearest object, which happened to be a glass, at the wall. He sank to the floor. He sobbed. He sobbed for a long time. He didn't even notice when Nat came and sat next to him, until she put a hand on his back.   
“I still love him, Nat.” Bucky cried.  
“I know, and he knows, but he's just upset.” Nat said.   
“I can't lose him, I won't be able to live without him.” Bucky cried harder. “He's my everything.”  
“It'll be ok. We'll talk to him.” Nat was good at hiding her emotions, but even her voice started to shake a bit.   
“Wanda even warned me.” Bucky mumbled. “She was in my head, and in his head. I just ignored her. I should've listened.”  
“It’s ok. It’s ok.” Nat whispered.  
“It’s not.” Bucky sobbed.  
“Deep breaths, ok?” Nat said. “You’re gonna make yourself sick, so calm down.” He just continued to sob. He hugged Nat. She hugged him back.  
“I can’t lose him.” Bucky mumbled.   
“You won’t, I swear I won’t let that happen.”Nat hugged him tighter.   
“But I hurt him.” Bucky whispered.  
“And people get hurt. It’s part of life. He will not leave you.” Nat stood up slowly. “I'm going to go talk to him ok? You stay here, read a book or something. Please?” He only nodded. 

Nat went to Sam's, because she assumed that's where Steve would be. Naturally she was correct. The second Sam saw her, he pulled her into a different room.   
“He's not good, Nat.” Sam said.  
“I would think so.” Nat turned to hobby Steve, but Sam caught her arm.  
“No, it's bad.” Sam cautioned. “I’ve seen him upset before, but this is worse , much worse.”  
“How bad?” Nat asked.  
“He's been dead silence this whole time. I've tried talking to him, but he's showed no signs of even noticing me. He's almost given up entirely.”   
“Let me talk to him.” Nat said.  
“Can't promise he'll respond.” Sam shook his head.  
“I'll try anyway.” Nat walked to Steve, who was sitting on the floor next to the couch. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Hey Steve.” He didn't answer. “Steve, please talk to me. Please.”  
“Why?” Steve croaked.  
“Because you're worrying us.” Nat sat down next to him. “And because you and Barnes are a match, one doesn’t work without the other.”   
“He doesn't seem to want me anymore.” Steve mumbled.   
“Don't you dare say that.” Nat took Steve's hand. “How could you say that? He loves you, and you questioned his love, and that scared him. How was he supposed to react? Now the really question is how are you going to fix things with the love of your life?”  
“He's not the love of my life.” Steve said bitterly. Nat dropped his hand and stood up.  
“He loves you!” She yelled. “He loves you and both of you fucked up but you love him too, and god damn it if he isn't the love of your life then why'd you propose to him? You know what I'm done.” Nat stormed off.  
“Whoa!” Sam stepped in front of her. “Really?” Nat was going to answer but her phone started ringing. She answered it.   
“What?” She barked.  
“It's Bucky. Please. Help please.” Wanda's voice came through. Nat put her on speaker.  
“What happened?” Nat’s voice was full of fear.  
“He triggered himself.” Wanda cried.  
“Oh god.” Nat gasped. “I’ll be right there.”  
“Hurry. Please.” Wanda begged.  
“Steve get up.” Nat said. “You have to help, you’re just about the only one who can really help.”  
“Why should I?” Steve didn't move.   
“THE MAN YOU LOVE JUST SENT HIMSELF INTO A MINDLESS KILL MODE AND YOU WON’T GET OFF YOUR ASS AND HELP?” Nat screamed, and then lowered her voice. “The hell is wrong with you, Steve? What happened to you?”  
“Nat.” Sam mumbled.   
“No. He's not being the person Barnes needs.” Nat called the elevator. It opened almost immediately. Nat got in, and the door closed. When it reopened she could see Bucky standing in the middle of the room, a gun in one hand. He turned to Nat, and fired. She dodged the bullet easily.  
“Wanda!?” Nat called.  
“I'm here.” Wanda's voice came from a closet.  
“Barnes, put the gun down.” Nat yelled.  
“Who are you?” Bucky asked, his gun trained on Nat.  
“I'm Natasha Romanov, you know me.” Nat took a cautious step forward.  
“I don't.” Bucky fired again, and once again Nat dodged.  
“You're James Buchanan Barnes.” Nat said, her voice growing louder with every word. “You're a kind friend, and an amazing boyfriend. I know what they did to you Please come back.”  
“I don't know what the hell you’re talking about.” Bucky said. Bucky shot into the closet door. Nat heard Wanda scream.  
“WHAT THE FUCK MAN!” Wanda yelled.   
“We can't do this by ourselves, Wanda.” Nat hissed.   
“No, you can't.” A voice said from behind Nat.  
“It's about damn time Rogers.” Nat snarled, without turning around.   
“You're my mission.” Bucky said now pointing his gun at Steve. He grinned maliciously. “I'm going to kill everyone you love.”  
“But I love you.” Steve said.  
“Very well.” Bucky pressed the barrel of the gun to his temple, and pulled out another gun with his metal hand and pointed it at Steve's chest. “Goodbye.”  
“NO!” Wanda yelled, and must flowed from her hand. It wrapped around both guns, and pulled at Bucky's hands. She freed the one in his metal hand, and pulled on the other. With a sickening crack, the other gun fell. Bucky screamed.   
“What did you do!?” Steve yelled.  
“I may have broke his wrist.” Wanda said.  
“Why?” Steve cried.  
“He was going to shoot himself!” Wanda shouted. Steve ran to Bucky, but he pulled a knife on him.  
“C’mon.” Steve sighed. “I’m sorry.” Steve lunged at him. He grabbed his broken wrist, and kicked his metal one. Bucky cried out in pain, and dropped the knife. Steve pinned him to the ground. HE kissed Bucky.   
“AHH!” Bucky cried. “Ow, ow, let go, let go.” He started to sob.  
“No, no I’m sorry.” Steve hugged him, and started crying. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.”  
“It hurts, it hurts, Stevie.” Bucky cried on his shoulder.  
“I got it.” Wanda knelt next to him, and held out her hands. “It’s going to hurt a little, but just give me your arm.” Bucky gave her his arm, and she held it. He winced. Wanda’s hands glowed red.   
“You can fix broken bones?” Steve asked.  
“I wouldn't have broken it if I couldn't have fixed it.” Wanda said.  
“You broke my wrist!” Bucky snapped.  
“Only because you were about to shoot yourself.” Wanda said defensively.  
“What?” Bucky's voice got quiet.  
“I'll explain later.” Steve whispered. “But what I want to know, if how'd you trigger yourself.” Bucky blushed.  
“I- I- um.” He bit on his lower lip. He winced. “Ow Wanda!”  
“Sorry.” Wanda mumbled.  
“I'm sorry.” Steve said again.  
“I am too.” Bucky hung his head.   
“All better.” Wanda said. She let go of Bucky's wrist. He moved it cautiously.   
“Thanks.” He whispered.  
“Sorry I broke your wrist.” Wanda said.  
“Sorry I triggered myself.” Bucky looked up at Steve. “And probably shot at you.”  
“You guys have stuff to talk about.” Nat said. “C’mon Wanda.” They left.   
“I'm sorry, James.” Steve met Bucky's eyes. “I truly am sorry.”  
“I'm sorry too Steve.” Bucky said. He hugged him. “I love you Stevie.”  
“I love you more.” Steve pulled back and kissed him.  
“What happened?” Bucky asked when he pulled back.  
“You said you'd kill me and everyone I love, and I told you I loved you, and you put the gun to your head.” Steve explained quietly.   
“And then Wanda broke my wrist.” Bucky clutched said wrist protectively.  
“I'm sorry that I asked you if you still loved me.” Steve said. “I'm sorry I ran off, and pushed you, and didn't try to solve my problems like an adult.”  
“It's ok.” Bucky smiled weakly. “I'm sorry I stuttered and made you think I didn't love you anymore, and then triggered myself.”  
“Please don't do that again.” Steve pleaded.   
“I won't, promise.” Bucky hugged him again. He hugged him tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long. i'm sorry. i hope you liked.


	36. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!

“Is that the last one?” Steve asked, as he took a knife out of a his bedside drawer.  
“Yes.” Bucky sighed. Steve raised an eyebrow. “It is!”  
“Ok.” He put the knife in the box. “It's for your own safety.” Steve kissed his cheek.   
“And the safety of, you know, like everyone else.” Bucky mumbled.   
“Well-”  
“Don't deny it.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “That's why I showed you all the places. I don't want anyone else to get hurt.”  
“No one's gotten hurt.” Steve sighed.  
“You got fucking shot! By me!” Bucky shouted.  
“That didn't hurt.” Steve said.   
“Sure.” Bucky shook his head. “Even though that's total bullshit.”  
“It didn’t hurt that much physically.” Steve sighed.   
“But it did emotionally?” Bucky asked.  
“Well— hey, don’t do this.” Steve said. “What happened to positivity?”  
“Fuck positivity.” Bucky huffed.  
“And here we are again.” Steve mumbled. “This is why we’re focusing on positivity.” Bucky stuck his tongue out at Steve.   
“Fuck. Positivity.” Bucky broke down each syllable.   
“You know what?” Steve said. He picked up Bucky, and threw him onto their bed. Steve lay on top of him, and kissed him. He could feel Bucky smiling. Steve pulled back.“There’s that smile.”  
“I guess you just make me positive.” Bucky said.  
“That doesn’t make sense.” Steve laughed.  
“Mhm, it does.” Bucky nodded.  
“No.” Steve kissed him again. Their kiss slowly became more passionate. Then, Steve’s phone went off. He slowly pulled away, and looked at the text.  
“I gotta go.”  
“Why?” Bucky whined.  
“I just gotta,” Steve sighed. Bucky kissed him. “Buck.”  
“Don’t go.”   
“I’m sorry. It’s important, I promise.” Steve climbed out of bed.  
“Then why won't you tell me.” Bucky huffed.  
“You'll find out later ok?” Steve kissed him once more.  
“Fine.” Bucky crossed his arms.   
“Don't do that.” Steve pleaded.   
“You're leaving me.” Bucky pouted.  
“I'll be back.” Steve said.   
“Yeah whatever.” Bucky rolled his eyes.  
“Aw c’mon.” Steve kissed Bucky. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's waist and pulled him down.   
“Don't go.” He mumbled.   
“I'm sorry.” Steve whispered. “But, if it makes you feel any better, I’m not leaving the tower, I’ll only be down in the gathering area.”  
“Ok.” Bucky sighed. Steve kissed his cheek, and left. Bucky lay on his back, and stared up at the ceiling. Where'd he go? Was he really just a few floors down. Or was he with someone else? Another man? Or woman? No, Steve wouldn't. He wouldn't.   
“Why would you think that?” Bucky wondered out loud.   
“Because you're paranoid.” Another part of his brain said.  
“Shut up!” Bucky retorted.  
“You're afraid that no one could love you like that.” The other part taunted. “You're too much of a monster, too evil, too—”  
“And that's the end of that.” Bucky sat up. He drummed his fingers on his knee. He stood and walked out of the room. He walked through the kitchen and into the living room. He stepped over to the record player, and searched through the bin. He paused at a aged case, the letters so faded they were unrecognizable. He slid the disk out, and placed it on the player. He moved the needle onto the disk. Slow jazz began to fill the room. Bucky held up his arms, as if holding another, and began to dance slowly around the room. He started to hum lightly. He dance across the living room, only bumping into the couch once. He danced around for fifteen minutes. He closed his eyes, and a minute later he felt a hand take his, and another hand slide around his waist. He opened his eyes. But there was no one there.  
“Alone.”  
He sank to his knees. He felt single tears trail down his cheeks. His phone went off from the kitchen. He got up and looked at it. It was a text from Steve.   
Will you come down please?  
He ran the back of his hand over his eyes, and inhaled deeply, before getting into the elevator. 

“Come sit.” Steve beckoned Bucky to come sit on the couch next to him. He sat. Tony sat in a chair, and Wanda was on the other side of the couch. Nat leaned against the wall, and Sam was sitting on the ground.  
“What's up?” Bucky asked.   
“We just want to talk.” Steve smiled.  
“Is this an intervention?” Bucky raised an eyebrow.  
“No.” Tony said. “We’re just talking.”  
“Umm.” Sam looked at Tony.  
“It kinda is.” Nat shifted slightly.  
“No.” Tony shook his head.   
“It is.” Sam mumbled.   
“Really?” Tony asked.  
“Yes.” Wanda and Sam said in unison.   
“Whatever.” Tony rolled his eyes. Steve cleared his throat.  
“We done?” He asked.   
“Sorry.” Tony, Wanda and Sam said.   
“Sooo…” Bucky sighed.  
“You haven't been in the best condition.” Steve started. “We can only do so much for you as friends.”  
“You guys do enough.” Bucky objected, he snuggled closer to Steve.   
“We do what we can, but it's not enough.” Wanda said.  
“There's more that other people can do.” Nat crossed her arms.  
“What do you mean?” Bucky asked.   
“We found a therapist.” Steve took Bucky's hand.   
“No!” Bucky yelled, he sat up. “I can't, I can't talk to people's about that stuff. I'll be arrested. I'll be killed.”  
“No, you won't.” Steve said. “We've found a woman, CIA certified, she knows about your files, she's agreed to help you out. We've all talked to her on the phone, and she seems genuinely nice. We don't want to force you to, but this is what we think is best for you.”  
“How is this not an intervention, Tony?” Bucky asked.  
“Don't change the subject.” Wanda sighed.  
“I mean, come on.” Bucky said. “It took me years to trust you guys with this stuff, how am I supposed to trust someone I barely even know?”  
“You're not going to be able to open up right away. We don't expect you to open up right away.” Steve said. “It's a hard thing to do. But we all know you're strong enough, and we all want to help you as much as we can, and this is the most we feel we can do at this moment.”   
“It's what we think is best for you.” Nat admitted.  
“What if it’s not what I want to do?” Bucky murmured.  
“And what do you want to do?” Sam chimed in. “Wait until something worse happens? Wait till someone finds a reason to take you? Wait until you kill someone?” Bucky dropped his head. Steve glared menacingly at Sam.   
“Really?” Nat whispered.  
“It’s only true.” Sam reiterated. “It’s either he gets help now, when he’s more or less stable, or he waits until he breaks.” Sam folded his arms.  
“SAM!” Wanda cried.  
“No, he’s right.” Bucky mumbled.  
“What?” Steve blurted.  
“He’s right.” Buck repeated. “If I keep going on like this, eventually I’m going to break. I can’t go a week without a mental breakdown, I have nightmares constantly, and I can’t control my own mind. I’m falling apart, and I don’t know how long I’ve got until— .”  
“We get it.” Steve said, his voice was shaking. Bucky turned to face Steve.  
“Stevie?” Bucky clutched his hand tightly.  
“We just all want you to be happy.” Tears started to well in Steve's eyes. “You deserve to be happy, to feel safe, to be loved. I don't want you in pain, I don't, I don't—”  
“I’ll go.” Bucky smiled gently. “I’ll go.”  
“Really?” Nat asked.  
“Yes.” Bucky nodded. “You guys care too much for your own goddamn good, and I care to fucking much about you guys to ignore that, or potentially hurt you, or leave you, so I’ll do it. I’ll go.”  
“Don’t cry, Rogers.” Sam sighed. Bucky looked at Steve, who had tears trailing down his cheeks.  
“C’mon Steve.” Bucky huffed. “I kept it together, and you can’t?” Steve pushed him off the couch. Bucky climbed back up and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As many of you know, Stan Lee has passed away. It is a very sad day indeed for all marvel fans, for he did so much more than just create these stories. He truly did shape today's pop culture and media. He brought these characters to life, and made them feel real. He made them lovable, and relatable, and his work is truly a gift. He will be missed ever so much by everyone.


	37. Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!

It was a lovely Saturday, in early May. The sun was shining, and the sky was clear. Steve, Wanda, Peter, and Bucky were sitting on the Great Lawn. Steve and Wanda were drawing. Peter was peering over Wanda’s shoulder, and Bucky was doing cartwheels in the grass. Well, he was attempting to do cartwheels, he mainly ended up falling and rolling.  
“You’re a super scary ex-assassin, Mr. Barnes, and you can’t do a cartwheel?” Peter teased.  
“For the last time kid, call me Bucky before I cartwheel you into next weekend.” Bucky threatened.  
“Sorry.” Peter said.  
“I’m joking, kid.” Bucky laughed. “I wouldn’t hurt you.”  
“Oh, ok.” Peter smiled. “But to do a cartwheel you need to be more coordinated.” Peter got up and did a perfect cartwheel. Bucky simply rolled his eyes.  
“Well, I can do this.” Bucky jumped and spun, his leg out in a kick. His foot would’ve collided with Peter’s face if he hadn’t leaned back.  
“Dude, ya almost kicked me!” Peter cried.  
“No, you would’ve dodged either way.” Bucky wiggled his fingers. “Spider senses.”  
“Spider sense this.” Peter dart to the right, and was on Bucky’s shoulders in a second. Bucky reached for him, but Peter flipped off.  
‘Ok kid, you’ve made your point.” Bucky stuck out his hand, beckoning Peter to shake it. Peter took his hand, and Bucky put him in a headlock.  
“Buck.” Steve sighed.  
“What?” Bucky cried. “He started it.”  
“Technically you're the one who tried to kick me.” Peter pointed out.  
“Let him go Bucky.” Wanda pleaded.  
“Fine, I'll let your boyfriend go.” Bucky smirked, and dropped his arms. Wanda just gave him an annoyed look. Bucky sat next to Steve.   
“What are you drawing?” Bucky asked.  
“You.” Steve said, not looking up.   
“Oh, cool.” Bucky kissed Steve’s cheek. Steve turned and kissed him.  
“Guys.” Wanda whispered. “People are staring.” She was right. Several people were staring at the couple, whispering to each other.   
“Fuck.” Bucky mumbled. He stood and shouted. “THE FUCK YA LOOKING AT!”  
“Bucky.” Steve pulled on his arm. “Sit down, please.”  
“Why should I!?” Bucky yelled.   
“Sit down.” Steve hissed. Bucky sat back down.   
“Fuck all of them.” Bucky snarled.   
“Calm down.” Steve sighed.  
“They think they can fucking judge us, the hell is wrong with them!?” Bucky ranted.   
“Calm yourself, James.” Steve said sternly. Bucky glared at him. Steve glared back. “Don't.”  
“Why should I?” Bucky snapped.  
“Because, I don't want you to get hurt.” Steve said calmly. “You know how you get.” Bucky's eyes dropped. Steve hugged him tight.  
“Sorry.” Bucky whispered.  
“It's ok, it's ok.” Steve cooed.   
“Can we go home?” Bucky asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve kissed his head.

“Why'd they have to stare?” Bucky was sitting on the couch, hugging his knees.   
“I don't know, and I'm sorry.” Steve sat next to him.   
“Why do they stare at us like that?” Bucky stared at the floor.   
“Because I'm me, and you're you and I'm sorry but you know what I mean.” Steve rested his head on Bucky's shoulder.   
“People are gonna talk you know.” Bucky chewed on his lip.   
“I don't care.” Steve sighed.   
“But you're important to the people.” Bucky's voice started to tremble.  
“You're more important to me.” Steve snuggled closer to Bucky. “You're much, much more important to me.”  
“But you've got a reputation.” Bucky muttered.  
“But I've got you.” Steve said. “And that's all that matters. I don't care about what other people say. I don't care, I never have. I love you. I love you so much. I do not care what other people think, as long as I'm with you I'm content. The world could be burning to the ground, and as long as you're by my side, I'd be happy.” Bucky sat there silently. He sniffed.  
“Are you crying?” Steve asked.  
“No.” Bucky sniffed again.  
“Yes you are.” Steve said.  
“No.” Bucky sobbed.   
“Aw Buck, don't cry.” Steve pushed Bucky gently. He kissed him. Bucky lay on his back, Steve on top of him. Steve whispered, “Don't cry. Don't cry.”  
“I'm not crying.” Bucky smiled. Steve kissed him passionately.   
“Mmhm.” Bucky moaned.  
“You're still crying.” Steve mumbled.   
“No I'm not.” Bucky's cheeks were wet with tears.   
“Stop crying.” Steve sighed.   
“I'm sorry.” Bucky said, still crying. “I'm so sorry.” Bucky sobbed.  
“No, no shhhh, shhhh.” Steve whispered.   
“I'm so sorry for everything Stevie.” Bucky blabbered. “I'm a mess. I'm an mental emotional mess, and I'm sorry for all the pain I've put you through.”  
“You haven't put me through any pain.” Steve sat up so that he straddled Bucky's lap.   
“Please don't lie.” Bucky shook his head, he sat up as well. “I know I've hurt you. I know I have, and I'm so so sorry. I love you so much, and it hurts me when I hurt you. Every time I hide something from you, every time I have a nightmare, every time you have to coax me back to sleep, every time I snap at you, or make you mad, or I lose myself. I know I hurt you and I hate myself for it every single time, and I'm scared you'll hate me one day. I am so sorry.”  
“I could never hate you, I could never—” Bucky silenced Steve by placing a hand over his mouth.   
“Don't—” Bucky begged. “Just don't. I'm just apologizing, I don't need your whole speech. I've heard it before. I've heard it all before.” Steve removed his hand from his mouth.  
“I forgive you.” Steve said gently, his voice quivering only the slightest bit. “Oh god I forgive you.” Bucky hugged him, and Steve hugged him back.   
“Thank you.” Bucky sobbed, and hugged Steve tighter.   
“I need to breathe.” Steve wheezed. Bucky loosened his arms a bit.   
“I love you.” Bucky said.  
“I love you.” Steve pulled back and kissed him. Soon Steve was on top of him again. They kissed, and kissed and kissed. Steve started to pull on Bucky's shirt. When this started he felt Bucky hesitate. Steve pulled back slowly.   
“No?” Steve asked softly. He could see Bucky working out the words. “You don't have to apologize.” Steve rested his head on Bucky's chest.  
“I'm just not there yet, I'm not...me.” Bucky ran his fingers through Steve blonde hair.  
“You don't have to explain yourself, Buck.” Steve said. “I'm not going to push you in any way.”  
“You wanna watch TV?” Bucky asked.  
“Really?” Steve laughed, he looked at Bucky.  
“What?” Bucky said.  
“You're adorable.” Steve smiled.   
“I know.” Bucky kissed Steve's forehead.  
“Jerk.” Steve blushed.  
“Punk.” Bucky smiled, he reached for the remote and turned on the television.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken a little while i’ve been really busy. I hope you liked it.


	38. Dr. Iris Hubel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long. Dr. Hubel's name came from a random word generator. It's cold outside.

“You ready?” Steve asked, as he finished pulling on his shoes.  
“Yep.” Bucky smiled at him. “Remind me of her name.”  
“Dr. Iris Hubel.” Steve said.   
“Ok, cool.” Bucky smiled. They got in the elevator.   
“Love the shirt by the way.” Steve noted. Bucky looked down at his shirt, ‘Brooklyn’ was spelled out across his chest.  
“Oh, thanks.” Bucky chirped. “I found it in a souvenir shop.”   
“You got a souvenir from a place you can visit everyday?” Steve asked.  
“Hey, it was one of the first things I remembered.” Bucky said.  
“Ah.” Steve nodded.  
“Well the first was you.” Bucky nudged Steve gently.   
“Oh, I love you.” Steve kissed him. The elevator dinged open.  
“You mind?” Sam sighed. Steve and Bucky broke apart.   
“Sorry.” Steve blushed furiously.  
“You’re always so embarrassed.” Bucky pushed Steve out the elevator. Steve stumbled and Bucky surged forward to catch his arm.   
“Y’all are cute.” Sam said, and got in the elevator.   
“Now why couldn’t you have caught me?” Bucky teased.  
“Hey!” Steve snarled, then he dropped his head. “I tried my hardest.”   
“No, no I didn’t mean it like that.” Bucky took Steve’s hand.   
“I know.” Steve smiled and punched Bucky’s arm.  
“Punk.” Bucky snarled.  
“Jerk.” Steve bolted out the main door.

“Here we are.” Steve had pulled up in front of a four story building. Bucky stared down at his hands. “It’s going to be ok. Just be brave. I’m so proud that you’ve made it this far Buck.”  
“I can do this.” Bucky nodded. Steve leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.  
“I love you.” Steve said.  
“I love you too.” Bucky smiled and got out of the car.   
“Be brave my little soldier.” Steve blew one final kiss.  
“Shut up.” Bucky flipped him off. Steve watched him walk to the building. Bucky turned around once more. Steve gave him one more encouraging smile. Bucky stepped inside.   
“He’s gonna be fine.” Nat said. Steve jumped.  
“WHAT THE HELL!” Steve yelled.  
“Steve, I’m still a spy.” Nat climbed into the passenger seat.  
“Why?” Steve asked, he was clutching the steering wheel.  
“I care about him too.” Nat sighed. “Steve?”  
“Yes?”  
“Let go of the wheel, you’re not driving.”  
“Oh, right.”  
“So are you gonna sit here the whole time?” Nat asked.  
“Oh, no, sorry.” Steve pulled away.  
“You guys are actually adorable.” Nat started aimlessly playing with a knife.  
“Where the fuck did you get a knife from?” Steve cried.  
“Once again, I’m a spy.” Nat sighed.  
“Right, because that explains everything.” Steve said sarcastically.   
“Yep.” Nat said. “Ow, fuck.”  
“Did you cut yourself?” Steve asked.  
“Yeah. Only a little bit.” Nat said. Steve glanced over at her hand. A thing cut spread from the base of her index finger and a few inches diagonally.  
“That’s a little bit?” Steve cried.  
“Yeah.” Nat said. “I got gauzes.” She pulled a roll of gauzes out of her pocket and wrapped her hand.   
“You’re a hot mess.” Steve shook his head.   
“It’s a wonder that I don’t have a boyfriend.” Nat said.  
“A total mystery.” Steve rolled his eyes. “There’s always Sam.”  
“Shut up!” Nat shouted.  
“I’m just saying.” Steve smiled.  
“I’d probably just scare them away.” Nat laughed.   
“Then they just need to get to know you.” Steve said.   
“You must be so proud of Barnes.” Nat changed the subject.   
“You changed the subject.” Steve noted.  
“No.” Nat frowned.  
“You’re avoiding something.”  
“I am not.”  
“Nat.”  
“I’m avoiding my insecurities, Rogers. It’s what I do best.”  
“Oh.” Steve went silent.   
“Relationships just aren’t really my thing ya know.” Nat said. “I’m more of a ‘kick your ass’ kinda girl then a ‘kiss your ass’ kinda girl.”  
“Got it.” Steve nodded. “I am proud of him.”  
“Of course you are!” Nat laughed. “He’s getting it later, isn’t he.” Steve’s face turned bright red.  
“There is no way that, that could be any of your business.” Steve said.  
“So that’s a yes?” Nat pressed.  
“No. It’s not.” Steve sighed.  
“And why not?” Nat asked.  
“You’re pushing it.” Steve said.  
“But…” Nat persisted.  
“Nothing’s happened for weeks, Nat, ok?” Steve blurted.   
“Oh.” Nat said, and then paused. “Why?” Steve had to resist the urge to slam his face into the steering wheel.  
“He’s still so fragile.” Steve mumbled. “Ever since he shot me, and then triggered himself and all that, he hasn’t been the same. That’s why I thought now is the best time to see a therapist. The time he needed the most help, ya know. I can’t help him sometimes. Especially when he doesn’t tell me things.”  
“Well, that’s what the therapist’s for.” Nat said. “To help him when you can’t.”  
“Yeah.” Steve sighed.  
“Are you just going to keep driving?” Nat asked.  
“Oh.” Steve turned the corner, and parked in front of a small cafe.  
“You’re a little lost, Steve.” Nat said, and got out of the car. Steve looked at his hands, he hadn’t even notice they were shaking. “Maybe we should just go home.”  
“No, no I’m fine.” Steve cleared his throat.  
“No we’re going home.” Nat said.  
“No, Nat, I’ll be fine.” Steve said. That’s when it started raining.   
“Bullshit.” Nat got back in the car. “You need better coping mechanism. You’re gonna go insane.”  
“I can’t let him struggle like that. Not alone. I don’t want him to be alone.” Steve’s voice started to shake. “He was alone for all those years. He had no one for all that time. No one. No one at all. I have to be there for him now. I have to.”   
“You have to take care of yourself too, Steve.” Nat sighed.   
“I do.” Steve said.  
“You know what?” Nat clapped. “We are gonna sit here, in silence, and listen to the rain, and you’re gonna think, that’s all.”  
“No.” Steve snapped.  
“Yes.” Nat crossed her arms. “You are.” Steve huffed and leaned back. They sat in silence for several minutes. The rain came down in bucketfuls, and pounded on the car roof. The rain was almost loud enough to drown out Steve’s sobs.   
“I just want to help him.” Steve sobbed.   
“I know you do, but in doing so much you subconsciously doom yourself.” Nat sighed.   
“I’m failing.” Steve cried.  
“No!” Nat cooed. “No, no, you’re not. Think about where Barnes would be without you? He’d still be in the hands of HYDRA, he’d still be their tool. You rescued him, Steve.” More silence.  
“We should go back to get him.” Steve said, and started the car.  
“You care more about him than any other person.” Nat continued. “Wait, how long have we been sitting here?”  
“Long enough.” Steve huffed.   
“Steve.” Nat said. He didn’t respond. He just kept driving. Nat didn’t say anything else. They parked in front of the building fifteen minutes later. The rain seemed to come down harder.  
“Get in the back.” Steve said.  
“Why?” Nat asked.  
“Because Bucky’s sitting up here with me.” Steve sighed. Nat climbed over the seat into the back of the car. A few minutes later Bucky ran out of the building. He opened the car door and practically dove inside.   
“It’s pouring out there!” Bucky laughed.   
“Hell yeah.” Nat said. Steve drove off.   
“The fuck!?” Bucky yelled. “Where’d you come from?”  
“I was in the car the whole time.” Nat shrugged.  
“Creep.” Bucky huffed.   
“Nah.” Nat laughed.  
“How was it?” Steve asked.   
“Great actually. Dr. Hubel is very nice.” Bucky said.  
“What’d she say? Nat asked.  
“Well, she asked me to tell my story, which is always fun. And then she asked me a bunch of questions about why I chose to come now and stuff and then she asked about my coping methods and said I need some coping methods.” Bucky explained. He smiled widely and looked at Steve. “Hey, you ok?”  
“Yeah.” Steve smiled back at him. Nat coughed loudly.   
“Steve?” Bucky reached out and touched Steve’s shoulder. He flinched.   
“So what did she suggest, coping method wise?” Nat asked.   
“Did I do something?” Bucky asked.  
“Like deep breaths or”  
“Did I say something?”  
“Or meditation?”  
“Did she say something?”  
“Why are you assuming I did something!?”  
“You were in the car with him.” Bucky cried, turning around.   
“Guys!” Steve yelled.  
“What?” Bucky and Nat said.   
“Shut up!” Steve snarled. Nat and Bucky stopped arguing. 

Nat, Steve and Bucky stood in the lobby of the Tower, waiting for the elevator. The rain still came down in bucketfuls. All of a sudden Steve ran outside. Bucky looked at Nat.   
“What the hell happened?” He asked.   
“I’ll tell you later.” Nat said. “But now you need to go out and talk to him.”  
“In the rain?” Bucky whined. Nat punched his chest.   
“Yes!” She yelled. Bucky sighed and stepped out into the rain. Steve was halfway up the block.   
“Steve!” Bucky called. He ran up to Steve. “What are you doing? It’s pouring.”  
“I need some time alone.” Steve mumbled.   
“In the rain?” Bucky asked. “Steve, what’s wrong?”  
“I can’t.” Steve said.  
“Can’t what?”  
“Tell you. I can’t tell you.” Steve’s voice cracked.   
“What do you mean?” Bucky stepped back. “What happened to trust?”  
“I’m sorry.” Steve said. He hoped that, because of the rain, Bucky couldn’t see the tears that started to trail down his face. He expected Bucky to storm off back to the tower, but he didn’t. Instead Bucky hugged him. That’s all he did, just hugged him. The rain seemed to disappear for those few seconds.   
“Where would I be without you?” Bucky mumbled and pulled away. Steve sobbed, and pulled him back. When he finally let go, Bucky smiled and walked away. Steve watched him go as more tears fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst. Super sorry for the wait. I'm trying to get better. I'm just busy. See ya!


	39. Party prep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mission Report, December 16th, 1991. It's December 16th. Sorry for the wait :'(

Bucky woke up alone. He panicked. Had Steve really not come home last night? He jumped out of bed and ran to the living room. He sighed in relief when he saw Steve sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper.  
“Morning.” Steve said, briefly glancing up from the paper. “You came in quick.”  
“Well you weren’t in bed, and I wasn’t awake when you came home, and I was worried.” Bucky said.  
“Why would you be worried?” Steve asked nonchalantly.   
“Steve, I’m being dead serious.” Bucky said sternly.  
“I just wasn’t feeling great, that’s all.” Steve shrugged.  
“Steve you sobbed in the pouring rain, I don’t think that’s ‘just not feeling great’.” Bucky sat on the couch. “Trust me, I’d know.” Steve set down the newspaper.  
“I just don’t want you to be alone.” Steve mumbled. “You were alone for so long, and I just don’t want you to be alone anymore. And according to Nat, in doing that I’m ignoring my own emotions.”  
“Which is bad.” Bucky sighed. “Steve, you can’t ignore how you feel. You can’t abandon yourself.”  
“I know.” Steve mumbled.   
“Steve, I mean it.” Bucky said.  
“I know Buck!” Steve snapped, and then he lowered his voice. “Sorry.”  
“It’s fine. Just promise me. Promise that you’ll take care of yourself.” Bucky pleaded.  
“I promise.” Steve smiled. Bucky kissed him.   
“Can we lock our floor?” Bucky asked.  
“Yeah.” Steve raises an eyebrow. “Why?” Bucky bit his lip suggestively.   
“Will you lock it?” Bucky asked smally. Steve jumped over the back of the couch, as Bucky walked slowly walked to their bedroom. Steve caught up to him before he reached the door. Bucky kissed him, pinning him against the wall. They slowly made their way to their bed, kissing as they went. Steve tripped over the foot of the bed and fell backwards. Bucky lay down on top of him.   
“Wait…” Steve mumbled.   
“What?” Bucky propped himself up on his elbows.   
“Are you sure?” Steve asked.   
“Yeah.” Bucky said quickly. He gently kissed Steve’s neck.   
“Buck.” Steve sighed, and pushed Bucky up. “I don’t want you to have an emotional breakdown while—” Bucky kissed him again.  
“Steve, I’m fine.” Bucky smiled. “Now shut up and kiss me.”   
“Yes sir.” Steve kissed him. 

Steve and Bucky lay in bed. Bucky’s head lay on Steve’s chest. Steve gently ran his fingers through Bucky’s long hair. They lay in silence. Blissful, uninterrupted silence, well silence apart from their synced breaths.   
“Steve?” Bucky said softly.  
“Yeah?” Steve replied.  
“I—” Bucky was cut off by Steve’s phone ringing. Steve answered it.  
“Hello?” Silence. “Ok. Be there in a minute.” He put his phone down.   
“Where are you going?” Bucky asked.  
“To help decorate for Tony’s party.” Steve sighed, and kissed Bucky forehead.  
“That’s today?” Bucky groaned.  
“Yeah.” Steve kissed him again. “But it’ll be fun.”  
“A social event?” Bucky looked up at Steve. “Me? Events? Socializing?”  
“Yes, you. Events. Socializing.” Steve said.   
“But-”  
“Nope!” Steve silenced him. “Please.”  
“Fine.” Bucky sat up and crossed his arms.   
“C’mon Buck.” Steve sat up and hugged him from behind. He rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder, and kissed his cheek.   
“Mhmmmm.” Bucky twisted away.   
“Buck.” Steve groaned. He softened his voice. “I love you.”  
“Love you too.” Bucky smiled. “C’mon, we got work to do.”

“Why didn’t you answer my damn calls!?” Nat cried, the second Bucky and Steve got downstairs.  
“You called more than once?” Bucky asked.   
“Yes!” Nat sighed.  
“Oh, we were busy with— wedding stuff.” Bucky lied. Steve tried desperately to hide the small smile that crept across his face.   
“Sure.” Nat rolled her eyes.   
“We’ve got streamers to hang.” Wanda said.  
“Yeah.” Bucky said, pointing at Wanda. “Streamers.” He smirked and walked off.   
“I had to begging him just to come down here.” Steve sighed.   
“So that’s what was going on.” Nat remarked. “Begging.” Steve felt his whole face burn.   
“No.” He said slightly annoyed.   
“Oh c’mon, we know you locked the elevator, you aren’t that slick.” Nat nudged him smiling.   
“Like Bucky said,” Steve said. “streamers.”  
“Oh fuck you.” Nat sighed.   
“Hey!” Bucky shouted from across the room. “Only I can do that.”  
“Damn right.” Steve smiled.   
“Please shut up.” Sam chimned in.  
“Please.” Wanda agreed. Steve just winked at Bucky, who beamed at him.   
“Ok as annoying as you two are,” Wanda said, as she used her powers to hang another streamer. “you’re also adorable.”  
“Hell yeah!” Bucky shouted and high fived her.   
“Don’t encourage them, Wanda.” Sam sighed.  
“Haters gonna hate.” Bucky shrugged.   
“Exactly!” Wanda grinned. “Boom!”  
“Boom!” Bucky echoed.   
“You’re such a fucking grandpa.” Sam said.   
“How does it feel to be lamer than a grandpa?” Bucky asked. Nat stifled a laugh.  
“Haha.” Sam said sarcastically. “I wonder if a retirement home would take you.”  
“A retirement home couldn’t handle me.” Bucky remarked.   
“I think Steve’s the only one who can handle you.” Sam said.   
“You’re damn right.” Bucky smirked, and blew Steve a kiss.   
“Streamers, Barnes.” Nat sighed.  
“Sorry.” Bucky mumbled. He helped Wanda hang dozens of streamers all around the room. Steve set up balloons, and Nat and Sam helped with other random decorations and cleaning. Soon the whole room was prepped and ready for the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked. Sorry it was shorter. The Endgame trailer is just emotional pain. So hype for that movie. See y'all soon.


	40. Partying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg hi! it’s been only 2 days ( i think )

Bucky gently buttoned his black short sleeve button down. He buttoned the final button, and pulled his hand away, only to find that a long string he gotten caught in the plates of his metal hand. The more he pulled the worse it got.   
“Steve.” Bucky called.   
“Yeah.” Steve came into the room, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair still wet. Bucky tried to raise his hand, but the string was pulled tight.   
“Um.”  
“Buck.” Steve sighed.  
“You hid the scissors.” Bucky mumbled.  
“Because you told me to!” Steve yelled.  
“Only cause you were taking away sharp objects.” Bucky snapped.  
“Well maybe if—” Steve started, but silenced him self. Bucky felt his eyes sting with tears, but he swallowed and cleared his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ll get the scissors.” Steve left and came back with a pair of scissors. Steve cut the string from Bucky’s hand.  
“I’m sorry, Stevie.” Bucky whispered.  
“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lashed out like that.” Steve said.  
“S’okay.” Bucky shrugged.  
“But it’s not.” Steve shook his head. “And I’m really sorry, for everything. I’m sorry for not catching you, I’m sorry for fighting you, I’m sorry for not looking for you harder, I’m sorry that I can’t make everything better, I really am sorry.”  
“You couldn’t have done anything about it.” Bucky said. “But I’m here now, with you, and Steve, we’re getting married. We wouldn’t have been able to do that seventy years ago. I’m ok with how things worked out, as long as it means I get to marry the love of my life.”  
“You’re the bravest person I have ever known.” Steve smiled.  
“Hell yeah I am.” Bucky said softly. They kissed gently. Steve finished untangling Bucky, and got dressed. Bucky tried several times to put on a red bowtie. Steve laughed at him as he repeatedly tied it wrong. Steve finally helped him. He tied the bowtie, and kissed Bucky’s cheek.   
“Why a bowtie?” Steve asked.  
“Bowties are cool.” Bucky shrugged.  
“Ok.” Steve said. “C’mon, let’s go.”

There had to be at least a hundred people attending this party. Bucky knew very few of them. Those very few including; Steve, Sam, Pepper, Nat, Wanda, Peter, Clint, and Maria. He felt very out of place in the large group of dancing people. Several young women came up to him, in attempt flirt with him, but he just shied away. He made his way to a remote corner, and leaned against the wall. He sighed a breath of relief.  
“You’re not much of a social type, are you?” A man asked. Bucky turned to look at the man with a smile.  
“You’re one to talk.” Bucky said. “You planning something, God of mischief?”  
“I wouldn’t say planning something.” Loki smiled. “Just, hiding. I’m technically not invited.”  
“I wonder why?” Bucky smirked. “How’ve you been?”  
“Not bad.” The god shrugged. “You seen to be better than the last time I saw you.”  
“I’ve been worse.” Bucy admitted. “I started going to therapy, so that could help, maybe.”  
“Therapy?” Loki raised an eyebrow.  
“You talk to someone about your emotions and they tell you how to deal with them, that’s the basics of it.” Bucky explained.  
“Sounds hard.” Loki muttered.  
“It’s tricky.” Bucky agreed.  
“How’s Steve?” Loki asked.  
“Better than last time.” Bucky laughed.  
“That’s good.”  
“Yeah.”  
“You two are getting married, correct?”  
“Yeah.”  
“How exciting.”  
“You’re invited.”  
“What?” The god’s voice got quiet.  
“Yeah, I want you to come.” Bucky said.  
“Do you actually like me?” Loki asked.  
“Is it really hard to believe that someone wouldn’t?” Bucky raised an eyebrow.  
“Yes.”   
“Oh.”  
“I’m just used to people hating me, with me being the god of mischief, the invader of New York, and also not even being Asgardian.”  
“Well, I think you’re pretty cool. And hey, I get how you feel. I’m a ex-assassin with a pretty extensive kill record, and I’m not the most stable human being.”  
“So we’ve got a lot in common.” The trickster chuckled.   
“We do don’t we.” Bucky smirked. “I think people just struggle to understand you.”  
“I guess my mind is just to intricate.” Loki shrugged.  
“Maybe.” Bucky said. They both laughed.   
“You’re one of the more pleasant human beings.” Loki noted.  
“I’ll take that as a complement.” Bucky chuckled.   
“Best one there is.” Loki nodded.  
“Bucky, there you are.” Wanda called. She smiled at Bucky, then noticed the god. “Hi, Loki!”  
“Shh.” Loki hushed softly. He pressed a finger to his lips and winked. Wanda smiled at him.   
“I want a drink.” Bucky announced. He clapped Loki on the shoulder and walked off, Wanda following him. Bucky turned to face her. “Why are you following me?”  
“Maybe Steve told me to keep an eye on you.” Wanda said.  
“Well you can tell him that he can babysit me himself.” Bucky huffed. “Besides, you should go hang out with your boyfriend.” Even in the dim lighting, Bucky could see her blushing. “Go on!”   
“Ok, ok.” Wanda giggled, and ran off.   
Steve found Bucky, several drinks later, sitting on a chair. He knelt next to him.   
“Hey Bucky.” Steve smiled.   
“Stevie.” Bucky smiled, his speech slurring.   
“A little tipsy, aren’t you?” Steve laughed.  
“Nope.” Bucky shook his head, and then blinked several times. “That made me dizzy.”  
“I could tell.” Steve tucked a stray strand of Bucky’s hair behind his ear. “You wanna go?”  
“No.” Bucky said. “I can’t leave Loki.”  
“He’s here?” Steve asked.   
“In the corner.” Bucky pointed to the corner where Loki was standing.  
“Ok.” Steve kissed Bucky’s cheek. “Just tell me if you wanna go ok?”  
“Yeppers.” Bucky smiled.   
“Ok.” Steve stood and kissed the top of Bucky’s head. He walked off knowing full well that he would regret leaving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did the whovians notice my Doctor Who reference? I love that show lmao. I also love foreshadowing ;)


	41. Alcohol induced Panic Attacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves excitedly*

The party went on for hours. The music seemed to get louder with every passing song. Steve’s head hurt as he sipped his whisky. He and Nat were sitting at a table, watching everyone dance. Girls danced up against guys, no matter what, always touching.  
“Every girl here is gonna get fucking pregnant.” Nat huffed. Steve choked on his drink. “Calm yourself, Rogers. That whisky isn’t Barnes.” Steve coughed and spluttered.  
“Thanks, Nat.” He choked.  
“Not to self, don’t surprise Rogers when he’s got something in his mouth.” Nat said. Steve just rolled his eyes.  
“Hey.” Pepper sat at next to Nat.   
“Hey.” Nat smiled.   
“How drunk is Tony?” Steve asked.   
“Oh you wouldn’t believe.” Pepper laughed. As if on cue, Tony stood up on a table, and shouted. Steve turned around to look, but just turned back to face Nat and Pepper.   
“Who here thinks, they can beat me at shots!” Tony called. Everyone cheered and laughed, but no one volunteered. Until someone shouted,  
“I will.”   
Everyone cheered.   
“What an idiot.” Steve sighed, and sipped his whisky. Nat looked over at Tony and then back at Steve.   
“It’s your idiot, Steve.” Nat noted. Steve choked, and his face went pale.  
“WHAT!?” He coughed. Steve turned to see a very drunken Bucky walking towards Tony. Steve and Pepper exchanged a look of horror. Steve let his head fall to the table, with a loud thud.   
“Don’t you want to watch?” Nat teased.   
“No.” Steve groaned. Nat watched as Bucky and Tony both downed several shots. She watched as Bucky’s movements started to slow, and his head start to lull forward.   
“Um, Steve.” Nat said. “He’s gonna pass out.”  
“What?” Steve picked up his head.   
“Look at him!” Nat yelled. Steve turned around, and saw Bucky slowly lean backwards. He panicked, and fell out of his chair, landing hard on his arm and face. He got up in a not at all glorious way, and ran through the crowd of drunken spectators. He got to Bucky a moment to late. Bucky collapsed to the floor, and everyone cheered. Some people hoisted Tony on their shoulders, and carried him off. Steve knelt next to Bucky and tried to wake him, but he was out. He picked him up, and carried him to the table he’d just been at.   
“Nice catch Rogers.” Nat said sarcastically. Steve shot her a deadly stare.  
“Thanks, Nat.” Steve spat bitterly. He put Bucky down in an empty chair, Steve sat next to him, and let his head rest on his shoulder.  
“I’m sorry Steve.” Pepper sighed.   
“It’s not your fault.” Steve smiled smally.  
“He’s pretty plastered.” Nat noted.   
“I know.” Steve grumbled. “I’m gonna fucking kill him tomorrow.”  
“Stevie?” Bucky mumbled.  
“Hey Buck.” Steve cooed.  
“I feel sick.” Bucky slurred, then hiccuped.   
“Yeah, we’re gonna leave, ok?” Steve whispered.   
“Ok.” Bucky giggled. He tried to stand, but fell. Steve helped him back up.   
“See ya.” Nat waved.  
Steve helped Bucky change into sweatpants and a t-shirt and laid him down in their bed, and draped a blanket over him. Steve then changed into his own sweatpants, and laid down next to Bucky. He wrapped an arm around Bucky, and drifted to sleep.  
Steve was violently awakened by Bucky sobbing.   
“Hey, hey, shh.” Steve cooed. “What’s wrong? Buck? What’s wrong.” Bucky just continued to sob. Steve tried and tried to get him to talk, but he wouldn’t. He just cried and cried. Steve just wrapped his arms around him and tried to quiet him. He just couldn’t. In a desperate attempt to calm him, Steve started humming. He didn’t care about what song or anything else, he just started humming. At first it appeared to have no effect, he thought Bucky might just cry forever, but after a minute or so, his sobs started to quiet. After a few more minutes Bucky fell back asleep. Steve didn’t sleep much after that. He was afraid Bucky would wake again. He told himself to calm down, but that still didn’t help him sleep. He slept for maybe an hour, and woke around 8 am. He immediately got two pain killer pills, and a glass of water for Bucky, he was gonna need it when he woke up. Steve sat on their couch for about an hour, before he heard Bucky calling his name. Steve all but sprinted to their room.   
“Morning.” Steve said. He grabbed the pills and water. “Here, take these.”  
“What?” Bucky mumbled, he squeezed his eyes shut. “My head.”  
“Take these.” Steve insisted.   
“What, no?” Bucky said.   
“James Buchanan Barnes, take the damn pills!” Steve yelled. Bucky took the pills.   
“Are you mad at me?” Bucky asked.   
“Not really, I just wanted you to take the pills.” Steve kissed the top of Bucky’s head.   
“Oh.” Bucky sighed.   
“But I swear if you ever get drunk like that again!” Steve said sternly.   
“Oh, what did I do?” Bucky grumbled.   
“Well, you got drunk, challenged Tony to a shots competition, and passed out.” Steve explained. “I fell out of my chair trying to catch you. I didn’t catch you.”  
“Oh lord.” Bucky groaned. “Were you singing?”  
“I was humming, and only because you were sobbing.” Steve snapped.   
“What?” Bucky asked.   
“What was wrong?”  
“I was sobbing?”  
“Yes you were sobbing.”  
“What?”  
“You don’t remember?”  
“No?”  
“What?” Steve raised an eyebrow. “You were sobbing uncontrollably, you wouldn’t talk to me, I thought you might be dying.”  
“I’m sorry Stevie.” Bucky took Steve’s hand. “It must’ve been the alcohol. I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk. I’m so so sorry.”  
“It’s ok.” Steve sat on the bed. He gently kissed Bucky’s forehead.   
“But it isn’t.” Bucky shook his head.   
“Just shut it.” Steve sighed, and kissed him.   
“I love you.” Bucky giggled.   
“Me and only me?” Steve asked.   
“Of course.”  
“Then why were kissing that girl last night?”  
“WHAT!?”   
“Kidding.”  
“Not funny!” Bucky swatted Steve’s arm.   
“Ow!” Steve laughed. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol makes Bucky’s PTSD worse.


	42. Beach Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really bad at consistency, sorry.

Bucky stuck his head out the car window. He could smell the ocean. It had been forever since he’d seen the ocean. He’d missed it.   
“How long has it been since he’s been to the beach?” Nat whispered to Steve. She was sitting behind the driver, who was Tony, Steve next to her, and Bucky next to him. Pepper was in the passenger seat. In the back of the car was Sam, Peter, and Wanda. They were in a minivan, which none of them could believe. Tony Stark, owned a minivan.   
“I can hear you just fine Nat.” Bucky said. “And it’s been over 70 years.”  
“You miss it?” Nat asked.   
“Everyday.” Bucky smiled. Steve laced his fingers in Bucky’s. Sam just sighed dramatically.   
“Your not still mad because you had to sit in the back, are you?” Nat huffed.   
“Hm, let’s see.” Sam said. “I’m in the back of the car, with two teenagers.”  
“Hey!” Wanda and Peter both yelled defensively.   
“Oh suck it up Sammy.” Bucky teased.   
“Fuck you.” Sam spat.   
“Hey!” Pepper shouted, and then lowered her voice. “Be nice you two.” Bucky turned around and stuck his tongue out at Sam. Sam just scrunched his nose, making a sour expression.   
“Guys.” Steve sighed. He squeezed Bucky’s hand a little bit tighter.   
“Sorry.” Bucky smiled smally and looked down at the hand Steve was gripping. “You’re gonna cute off my pulse.”  
“Oh, sorry.” Steve loosened his grip.   
“We’re here children.” Tony announced.   
“Finally!” Sam groaned. The all spilled out of the car. The sun was shining, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Bucky inhaled deeply and smiled. He really had missed the beach. They set up towels and blankets, chairs and a umbrella. With eight people it took a matter of minutes. Bucky kicked off his shoes, and pulled off his muscle shirt, leaving him wearing only his black swim trunks. Bucky slowly walked to the water's edge. He let the water flow over his feet. He stood there until he felt a hand on his back.   
“You just gonna stand there?” Steve asked. Bucky jumped a bit.   
“No, I just, I don’t know.” Bucky turned and smiled at Steve.   
“You want to go swimming?” Steve nudged Bucky.   
“Race you!” Bucky yelled. He pushed Steve and darted for the water. Steve was left sprawled on the sand.   
“Aye!” Steve shouted, and stood up. Bucky was already diving underneath the waves. He felt the water push back his hair, as he streamlined through the waves. He surfaced and was tackled by Steve. They both plunged underwater.   
“You're the worst.” Steve said, once they had surfaced. “You know that right?”  
“And yet you still love me.” Bucky chuckled and kissed Steve.   
“You know we can all see you, right?” Nat called as she waded into the water.   
“I don’t care.” Bucky said in a sort of sing song way.   
“Right, but now one wants to see you two going at it.” Nat sighed.   
“I only kissed him.” Bucky rolled his eyes. Nat shoved him violently. Bucky fell back into the water.   
“Why?” Bucky spluttered.   
“Because.” Nat shrugged.   
“Whatever.” Bucky said. They swam for hours. Bucky never wanted it to end. Even when they got out for lunch, he was eager to get back in the water. He felt like a small child, but he didn’t care. But now his eyes stung, and his throat burned, so reluctantly he let Steve lead him out of the water. They sat next to each other on a towel, their shoulders touching and legs tangled. Bucky leaned his head on Steve’s shoulder.   
“You know, I’ve gotta say, Barnes,” Nat said, drying her hair. “I’m surprised that you’re not wearing a speedo.” Bucky huffed a laugh.   
“And you’re not wearing a bikini, but you don’t see me complaining.” Bucky smirked. Everyone went quiet. They all knew, except maybe Peter, about the day that Nat had encountered the Winter Soldier. When she’d gotten shot through her abdomen. No one had told Bucky.   
“Fair enough.” Nat smiled Still no one talked. Not that it was a touchy subject for Nat, it’s just Steve had asked them not to tell Bucky.   
“Did I do something wrong?” Bucky asked quietly.   
“No! It’s nothing.” Nat blurted all to quickly.   
“You wanna go for a walk?” Steve nudged Bucky.   
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled, but he still couldn’t help but feel like he’d down something wrong. Steve took his hand and pulled him to his feet. They walked off hand in hand. They chatted and laughed while walking by the water’s edge. It was pleasant. When the sun started to get lower in the sky, they turned and around and started heading back. Everyone else must’ve been in the car because only Nat stood where their towels and umbrella had been.   
“Hey Stevie?” Bucky said quietly.   
“What’s up?” Steve look at him.   
“Did I do something wrong?” Bucky asked. Steve stopped walking.   
“What do you mean?” Steve raised an eyebrow. He knew exactly what he meant.   
“Well everyone looked at me like I’d said something wrong.” Bucky shifted uncomfortably.   
“Uh— it’s um nothing Buck.” Steve lied.   
“Don’t lie.” Bucky said sternly.   
“It’s nothing.” Steve looked away from Bucky.   
“Steve!” Bucky snapped.   
“You shot Nat!” Steve yelled. “She was escorting some scientists and you shot her.”  
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me!” Bucky shouted back.   
“To protect you.” Steve said. “I did it so you wouldn’t feel bad, because you’re fragile Bucky, ok, I just wanted to protect you.”  
“I don’t need to be protected, god dammit!” Bucky retorted. “I’m not some porcelain doll that needs to be shielded from everything. People break Steve, and I don’t need you deciding what’s best for me.” Bucky stormed off, back towards Nat.   
“Buck! Please!” Steve cried. He ran after him.   
“Barnes?” Nat called as he walked towards her. “What’s wrong?”  
“Buck, please!” Steve caught his wrist. Bucky twisted and pushed Steve into the sand.   
“Fucking stop!” Bucky yelled. Nat knelt next to Steve.   
“Are you ok?” Nat asked him.   
“I’m fine!” Steve huffed, but he was clutching his wrist like it hurt.   
“C’mon.” Nat said. “I’ll sit between you guys.” They walked to the car, and got inside.   
“How was your walk?” Tony prodded. Nat just shot him a deadly glance, and for once he shut his mouth. The ride home was fine, well mostly. Tony turned up the music way too loud. Loud enough so that almost everyone outside the car could hear their Green Day blaring, and loud enough for no one, except Nat because she notices everything, to notice Steve’s quiet cries. She gently squeezed his hand, and Steve stifled a sob. Pepper and Nat locked eyes in the rear view mirror. Nat just shook her head. Bucky couldn’t see Steve, but he could tell that something was wrong. Steve usually was singing along and talking, but he sat quietly, almost invisible. It hurt Bucky, but he was hurting himself. Steve shouldn’t have hidden things for him. So Bucky tried to ignore the growing pit in his stomach.   
“What happened?” Bucky heard Wanda’s voice in his head. Bucky turned to Wanda, who sat directly behind him.   
“You knew didn’t you? He asked you not to tell me.” Bucky whispered.   
“No.” Wanda lied.   
“Don’t lie!” Bucky hissed, and then turned back around.   
“Bucky, He told us not to tell you.” Wanda spoke in his head.   
“US!?” Bucky thought as loud as he could, hoping Wanda could hear him.   
“I’m sorry Bucky.”  
“Get out of my head.”  
“Bucky— I…”  
“OUT!” Bucky yelled. Everyone looked at him.   
“Sorry.”Wanda said. “My fault.”  
“What’s wrong Barnes?” Nat asked quietly.   
“I trusted you guys.” Bucky said. “I trusted you not to treat me like I’m so fragile.”  
“What?” Pepper turned to face him.   
“Oh god, he knows?” Nat asked Steve.  
“Oh.” Tony mumbled.   
“Knows what?” Peter asked.   
“I’ll tell you later.” Wanda whispered.   
“I can’t deal with this right now.” Bucky shook his head. Everyone went silent. The rest of the car ride was silent. When they got back to the tower, and Steve and Bucky got back to their, Bucky flopped face first on the couch.   
“Buck,” Steve started and knelt next to Bucky. “I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t, Steve.” Bucky grumbled sitting up.   
“But I”  
“I get it! You’re fucking sorry! That doesn’t change anything!” Bucky yelled. “I get it! You were trying to protect me, but you can’t just hide shit from me! I thought we wanted to more secrets between us! What happened to that?” Steve got up, his eyes stinging, he got in the elevator and closed the door. He tried desperately not to emotionally breakdown. The elevator opened on Nat’s floor.   
“Nat!” Steve called.  
“One minute!” Nat replied. A minute later she came out of her room, drying her hair.   
“Nat, I fucked up. I fucked up bad.” Steve’s voice quivered.  
“We all did.” Nat sighed.  
“But it’s my fault.” Steve sobbed. “It’s my fault, and now he Bucky hates me.”  
“He doesn’t hate you.” Nat said.  
“I betrayed his trust.” Steve mumbled. “And I went back on my word. We said no more secrets.”  
“Oh.” Nat whispered.   
“Yeah!” Steve cried. “I can’t believe I would do that.”   
“It’s ok Steve, you’ve just gotta make it up to him, ya know. Apologize and all that.” Nat said.   
“How am I supposed to apologize when he won’t even listen to me?” Steve asked.   
“You’re gonna have to figure that out.” Nat said.   
Bucky was laying on the couch, throwing a ball against the far wall when Steve came back. Bucky looked up, and frowned slightly at Steve when he saw how red and puff his eyes were.   
“I’m sleeping in the couch tonight.” Bucky stated.   
“No, no I will.” Steve said. “That way you can’t go wandering off in a trance in the middle of the night.”  
“Whatever.” Bucky sighed. He threw the ball one more time and got up and left. Steve grabbed his pillow and an extra blanket from their bed. He mumbled a goodnight to Bucky. Steve lay on the couch, in the dark, listening to the silence. He heard a stifled sob come from their bedroom. Steve listened to Bucky’s muffled cries until they stopped, and Steve felt himself drifting to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst. HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	43. Hold me close, Darling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My phone had 1%, then it died. I had a better note that I forget now.

Steve woke to the sounds of loud sobs and pain filled screams. He threw himself off of the couch, and ran to their bedroom. He almost tripped several times and even ran into the counter. Bucky lay on their bed his eyes shut tight. He was clutching the blankets and screaming. Steve stumbled over to the bed.  
“Buck!” He hissed, he shook Bucky’s shoulders. “Bucky wake up. Wake up! WAKE UP!!” HE didn’t wake up. Steve shook his body, calling his name. Pleading that Bucky would wake. Bucky’s tortured screams continued. He begged to be set free, he pleaded for some invisible source to stop hurting him. He cried and screamed, until Steve had one final idea. He ran to the kitchen and grabbed a cup, he filled it with water and splashed it on Bucky. Bucky jerked up, breathing heavily, his eyes snapped open.   
“Steve? Steve?” Bucky sobbed.   
“Hey, I’m here, I’m here.” Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky. “I’m here. Oh god Buck, I’m here.” Bucky gripped Steve’s shirt and sobbed into his chest. “God, Buck, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Shhhh, it’s ok, I’m right here Buck.” Steve gently kissed the top of Bucky’s head. Bucky just sobbed harder.  
“I’m a monster, Stevie.” Bucky cried. “I’m a monster. I’m a monster.” He kept repeating that over and over.   
“Stop that!” Steve yelled. He pulled away and put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders. “You are not a monster. You hear me? You are not what they made you. You are the love of my life, and a fantastic man. Don’t ever think that you are anything else. You hear?”  
“I don’t deserve you Steve.” Bucky mumbled, tears still streaming down his cheeks.   
“I don’t care whether you think you deserve me or not, I’m not leaving you. There’s no chance on Earth that I would do that. No matter how mad I seem, I always love you.”   
“How can I possibly mean this much to you Steve?” Bucky asked. Steve gently brushed away the tears that rolled down Bucky's cheeks, but they were immediately replaced by new ones.  
“Why does it matter?” Steve said. “I love you so much, Buck. You mean everything to me, more than anyone else in the whole universe. I love you, like I’ve loved no one else. Like no one else, Buck. No one else.” Steve pulled Bucky back into his chest.  
“But why me Steve.” Bucky sobbed. “I’m broken. They torn me apart and now I’m just…” Bucky tried to choke back a sob. “I’m not me anymore. They tore apart James Buchanan Barnes, and pieced together the Winter Soldier. When I finally broke free the Winter Soldier fell apart, leaving me in ruins. So tell me, why me?”  
“Because you still are Bucky Barnes.” Steve kissed Bucky’s head again. “You still are the man I fell in love with all those years ago. That’s still you. And there are things that will never be the same but that’s ok. I still love you. I will always still love you, no matter how much you change. You were always there for me. I would never leave you. I will always be there for you. And I’m sorry that I hid information from you. I’m so so sorry.”  
“I’m sorry too, Stevie.” Bucky cried. “God, I’m so sorry. I love you so much. Oh, God Steve, I love you.”   
“I love you too, Buck.” Steve whispered. He just held Bucky, and let him cry. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, and just cried. Steve tried desperately to calm him down. He made soft shushing sounds, trying to get Bucky to stop crying.   
“I don’t want to go back to sleep, Stevie.” Bucky mumbled. “Please, please don’t make me.”  
“Buck, it’s like 2 am.” Steve sighed.   
“Please.” Bucky begged.   
“Bucky, it’s that’s not nearly enough sleep.” Steve said.  
“Please Steve!” Bucky pleaded. “I don’t want to go back to sleep.”  
“Ok, ok.” Steve gently rubbed his back. “What are we gonna do instead?”  
“You should sleep, Stevie.” Bucky murmured.  
“And you shouldn’t?” Steve gently drew back from him.  
“Fair enough.” Bucky ran the back of his hand over his eyes. “Do you want to dance with me?  
“I’m not that good, Buck.” Steve said sheepishly.  
“Well, I don’t want you stepping on my feet at our wedding.” Bucky smiled. Steve had almost forgotten about the wedding.  
Steve pushed him playfully. “I’m not that bad!”  
“Oh sure.” Bucky said mockingly. “What about that one girl— what was her name— Sally? You stepped all over her feet, she walked out of the club limping.” Bucky burst into a fit of laughter. Steve just sat there, arms crossed, face bright red. “Oh, c’mon Stevie. You know I love you.” Bucky kissed Steve, and he kissed him back. Steve gently drew back from Bucky, and rested his forehead on his.  
“Are you going to tell me what this dream was about?” Steve asked. Bucky swallowed dryly.  
“It was nothing.” Bucky said nervously, he turned away from Steve.  
“Buck, first of all, you were screaming, and even if you hadn’t been, you’re a terrible liar.” Steve took his hand.  
“I— well, um.” Bucky tripped over his words, his voice started to shake. “They sent me to kill you, and I went to you, and everything went black, and then it was just you, you were just standing there, your mouth was moving, but I couldn’t hear what you were saying. Then I— I shot you, and all the voices came through at once. You were screaming my name, begging me to remember you, telling me who I was, and that I knew you. All at once everything just hit me. Then you collapsed, and there was blood that stained the blackness. Then I fell through it, I fell through the darkness, and into a chair. I was strapped down, and tortured, just like I used to be.” Bucky came apart again, dissolving into tears. Steve gently pulled him back into his arms.   
“Shh, I’m sorry. I didn’t— I’m sorry. I’m right here Bucky. It’s ok.” Steve gently kissed Bucky’s forehead several times.   
“It’s ok.” Bucky chokes through tears.   
“No, no I’m sorry.” Steve whispered. Buck wriggled out of Steve’s arms and wiped away his tears.   
“I’m fine.” He sniffed.  
“Really?” Steve raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing him.   
“Well, as fine as I can get right now.” Bucky shrugged.   
“Buck, I don’t want you push down you’re emotions.” Steve sighed.   
“Don’t worry, I’m a natural.” Bucky smiled crookedly. Steve frowned. “What!?”  
“You’re not supposed to do that.” Steve huffed.   
“Screw the rules.” Bucky swatted the air. “I’m a bad boy.” He crossed his arms and tried to look cool. Steve just rolled his eyes.  
“You’re such a dork.” Steve shook his head.   
“I’m your dork.” Bucky smiled. “Did you really pour water on me?”  
“You wouldn’t wake up!” Steve cried. “What was I supposed to do?”  
“Not pour water on me.” Bucky pulled off his damp shirt, and then smiled. “Still want to dance?”  
“Of course.” Steve let Bucky pull him into their living room. He flipped through their record collection, before pulling out one. The needle dropped. Soft music started to ooze from the speaker. Bucky grabbed Steve’s waist with his metal hand, and pulled him close.   
“Oh.” Steve said smally.  
“Oh, please, we’ve been closer.” Bucky sighed. “Are you just gonna stand there?”  
“I— no.” Steve slide his hand up bucky’s metal arm, and rested in on his back, where the metal of his arm met his skin. Bucky shuddered. “Hey, you ok?”  
“Yeah. Yeah.” Bucky smiled, and too Steve’s left hand in his right. “Ready?”  
“Sure.” Steve smiled. Bucky gently started to sway, and Steve tried to follow his lead.   
“Loosen up, Doll.” Bucky teased.   
“Don’t make fun of me.” Steve frowned.   
“No, no I’m not.” Bucky gently kissed Steve. “Just follow my lead.” They danced slowly around the room. Steve stepped on Bucky’s feet only a few times. But then he tripped, and fell into Bucky’s chest. Bucky caught him, and laughed.   
“You’re not gonna do that at our wedding, are you?” He asked.   
“No.” Steve blushed. Bucky kissed his forehead.   
“I’ll teach you.” Bucky smirked.   
“Oh, please. What have you ever taught me?” Steve scoffed and kissed Bucky passionately.   
“I taught you that.” Bucky smiled into the kiss.   
“That’s pretty scandalous, ain’t it Barnes?” Steve chuckled.   
“Oh, you want to see scandalous?” Bucky winked, and Steve smirked, and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked! They’ll be more wedding planning soon (and definitely more dancing <3 )


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whut o spagetti o! I'm back yo! It's been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long and I am infinitely sorry, I just got so caught up in everything and had not time to write! This chapter is short, sorry, I'm trying to untangle some plot lines here. I's hard with one brain cell! Hope you like it.

Bucky gently kissed Steve forehead. He whispered softly, “Wake up, sleepyhead.”  
“Mmhm.” Steve mumbled, and slowly opened his eyes. “Did I— ?”  
“Fall asleep on the couch?” Bucky asked. “Yeah.”  
“What happened?” Steve asked, sitting up.   
“We kissed for like an hour, and then you fell asleep on my lap. I was gonna carry you to bed, but I would’ve fallen asleep too, and I was not gonna do that.” Bucky said. “So, I sat here with you, and watched some random movies.”  
“But didn’t get any sleep?” Steve sighed.   
“No.” Bucky shook his head. He swallowed hard, like he was trying to hold back tears.   
“Hey.” Steve said softly. He hugged him.   
“I have therapy today.” Bucky noted.   
“I know.” Steve still didn’t stop hugging Bucky.   
“Are you gonna le—”   
“No.”  
“Good.” Bucky mumbled. He positioned himself so that his legs were wrapped around Steve’s waist, and wrapped his arms around his necks.   
“I love you so much, Buck.” Steve said. He gently ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “Just know you can always talk to me. You know that right. I will always be here for you.”  
“I know Stevie. I just- I don’t wanna be a burden.” Bucky said quietly.  
“You’re not. I promise.” Steve pulled back to look at Bucky. Tears streamed down his fiance's face. “Hey, hey don’t cry, please.” He gently brushed the tears away.  
“I’m sorry.” Bucky whispered. Steve just pulled him in close to his chest.   
“Everything’s gonna be ok.” Steve cooed softly. 

“So Barnes,” Tony said from the back of the car. “Is she hot?”  
Bucky sighed, Tony had asked several times if he found Dr.Hubel attractive, and he was starting to get sick of it. “I couldn’t tell ya.”  
“What's that supposed to mean?” Tony asked.  
“It means I’m gay, dumbass.” Bucky said.   
“You’re gay?” Both Steve and Tony asked.   
“Ummm.” Bucky stammered. “Oh look we’re here.” He climbed out the car. “Bye, love you.”  
“Love you too.” Tony called out. Bucky flipped him off.   
“Buck wait.” Steve called.   
“I gotta go Stevie!” Bucky said.  
“I love you.” Steve smiled.   
“Love you too.” Bucky winked, and walked off.  
“You two are cute.” Tony smirked. Steve just blushed. “It’s true!”  
“Yeah, whatever.” Steve pulled away from the curb. “Why are you here again?”  
“Because, we’re going to look at suits.” Tony sighed.  
“Right.” Steve cleared his throat.  
“Let’s go!” Tony chirped.  
“Ok, ok.” Steve laughed, and drove down the road. The suit store wasn’t too far a drive. The doorbell rang, when Steve pushed opened the door.   
“Welcome!” A tall, black haired man called from the back of the store. “We have a sale on some vests and shirts. Please ask me, if you need anything.”  
“Thanks.” Tony said. He turned to Steve. “So, let’s start with the basics, like what color were you thinking.”  
“Well,” Steve started. “I love dark blues.”  
“Ok.” Tony nodded. “Vest or no vest?”  
“Not sure yet.” Steve shrugged. He seemed a bit uncomfortable.  
“Excuse me!” Tony called to the salesman.  
“Yes sir?” He walked over with a smile.  
“He’s thinking about a dark blue suit, but can’t decided on a vest or no vest.” Tony said. “What do you think?”  
“I always think vests are the way to go, they seem to elevate the suit.” The man said. “Either way, I’m sure your bride will be very pleased.”  
“I don’t know.” Steve looked down at his hands. “I don’t really dress fancily, and I just want to look nice for Buck.”  
“Buck?” The man asked.  
“Yeah, that’s his groom.” Tony said.  
“Oh, I see.” The man’s face twisted in disgust. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”  
“Excuse me?” Tony snarled.  
“What?” Steve asked quietly.  
“We don’t tolerate homosexuals here.” The man snarked.  
“EXCUSE ME!” Tony yelled.  
“Please leave.” The man said.  
“Oh no, oh hell no, you don’t get to—”  
“Tony, Tony,” Steve said. “Let’s just go.”  
“But he—”  
“Come on.” Steve said sternly.  
“Fine.” Tony stormed out of the store, with Steve on his heels. They stopped at a small coffee shop, and sat outside with their drinks.  
“I can’t believe he did that!” Tony fumed. “That was completely and totally unexceptable. He can’t just refuse you like that.”  
“Tony—” Steve mumbled.  
“It’s not ok, it’s fucking disgusting that he should treat you like that!” Tony started to yell.  
“Tony!” Steve hissed. “Can we just drop it? Please!”  
“But—”  
“Please!” Steve pleaded.  
“Fine.” Tony sighed dramatically, he paused for a long while before talking again. “Did you not know Barnes was gay?”  
“No.” Steve said, he gently drummed his fingers on the table.  
“So that’ll be a fun chat.” Tony chuckled.  
“I guess.” Steve laughed a bit too. “I’d never really thought about my orientation, ya know. I knew I loved Bucky, and that was about it.”  
“Why do you thing he didn’t tell you?” Tony asked. Steve went quiet. Why didn’t Bucky tell him? Did he not trust him? Why?  
“I don’t know.” Steve mumble quietly.   
“Hm.” Tony slowly sipped his coffee. “We should probably go get him.”  
“Yeah, probably.” Steve smiled smally. 

“Hey Stevie?” Bucky asked, sitting next to him on the couch.  
“What’s up?” Steve put down the book he was reading.  
“Are you ok?” Bucky sounded worried. “You seem...off.” Steve had neglected to tell Bucky about what had happened at the suit store. He knew he’d just get angry.  
“I’m fine.” Steve said, picking up the book again.  
“Hey.” Bucky said softly. He pulled the book away from Steve. “You’re ignoring something.”  
“I’m not.” Steve sighed. “Please stop asking.”  
“Steve…” Bucky whispered. “Please.”  
“While you were at therapy, me and Tony went to a suit store, the man there told us to leave because I was marrying…” Steve voice trailed off, and he hung his head.  
“Because you were marrying a man?” Bucky asked. Steve just nodded his head.  
“Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?” Steve mumbled.  
“I— I didn’t think it mattered.” Bucky said.  
“Were you afraid to tell me?” Steve asked.  
“I— I didn’t know how you’d react, and I was afraid you’d be mad at me for not telling you.” Bucky said shyly.   
“Why would I be mad?” Steve asked.  
“I— I don’t— I don’t know, I’m sorry.” Bucky hung his head.   
“I’m not mad.” Steve whispered, and gently lifted Bucky’s head. He smiled softly. “I’m not mad.”  
“Really?” Bucky asked, looking at Steve.  
“Really.” Steve kissed him. “I’ll always love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that! And OH, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!! <3 I will try to post asap! See ya for now!

**Author's Note:**

> Ah! What'd ya think? Now the planning begins, this is gonna be a fun ride.


End file.
